Aa
Sad
My husband gets mad because I fright even time he wanna watch porn we haven't had sex in a year but I have no were to go sometimes when I bring up this porn thing he says I am jelous cause I don't look like these girls.we been together for 8 years and I was always the one saying that I love him but he tells me he don't love me but he cares about me and when we fright he tells me I am fat & that if I leve him he is not losing much.he never said he loved me but when he is talking to his mom on the phone he always tells her that I am a great women.i don't understand cause he treats me so bad but he is great to his son he doesn't like to talk to me or even like me bugging him.but he doesn't mind talking to other girls sometimes even about our problems.he knows I don't like it but he don't care I don't like he cheated but I think he maybe helping on to me till something better and I feel like 90% of the time he thinks he is better then me plz what should I do
There's a big problem that he is saying that he cares about you but doesn't love you honey. If he is saying this because of a bit of extra weight, then that says ALOT about him, and i'm afraid the news IS NOT GOOD.
I would not want to be "loved" because of my body. That would not be satisfying enough for a lifetime, If i thought that was the case, i would leave for sure.
You need a gentleman that is capable of loving a women for her soul, and not only her looks.
He talks to you in a very mean and cruel way. It seems that if you were to ask him to go to marriage counseling he probably would say no. This is not a good person to be married to.
If it were me, and i was overweight, i would probably use this time to get into a healthier lifestyle. When we are in relationships that make us feel sad all the time, it's hard to change our diet and eat the right things. We are kept off balance all the time, and it makes lifestyle changes very difficult.
You need to think about you. Do you want to have a healthier weight for yourself? Because if you do, there are many ladies on here, and a Weight Loss and Dieting Community as well to help you do so. Personally i have just lost 30 lbs in the last month cutting out all animal products, extracted oils, sugar , salt, and I feel a lot better about myself. I'm continuing because i want to lose my weight because it is healthier. It might make you feel better to start a lifestyle change for yourself and it might keep him from treating you so poorly. But i wouldn't want someone if they were hitting below the belt, I would be planning an exit strategy and finding myself a nice good guy that would never say the things that this man is saying to you.
i"m here if you want to talk. God bless you on your walk.
Liz
I would not want to be "loved" because of my body. That would not be satisfying enough for a lifetime, If i thought that was the case, i would leave for sure.
You need a gentleman that is capable of loving a women for her soul, and not only her looks.
He talks to you in a very mean and cruel way. It seems that if you were to ask him to go to marriage counseling he probably would say no. This is not a good person to be married to.
If it were me, and i was overweight, i would probably use this time to get into a healthier lifestyle. When we are in relationships that make us feel sad all the time, it's hard to change our diet and eat the right things. We are kept off balance all the time, and it makes lifestyle changes very difficult.
You need to think about you. Do you want to have a healthier weight for yourself? Because if you do, there are many ladies on here, and a Weight Loss and Dieting Community as well to help you do so. Personally i have just lost 30 lbs in the last month cutting out all animal products, extracted oils, sugar , salt, and I feel a lot better about myself. I'm continuing because i want to lose my weight because it is healthier. It might make you feel better to start a lifestyle change for yourself and it might keep him from treating you so poorly. But i wouldn't want someone if they were hitting below the belt, I would be planning an exit strategy and finding myself a nice good guy that would never say the things that this man is saying to you.
i"m here if you want to talk. God bless you on your walk.
Liz
Oh My!!
I have to Ditto here with Specialmom. She gave you some great feedback!
I do think your BEST bet is to go see a Marriage Counselor because I agree with Specialmom about some underlying issues here.
Before I say what I feel, I want you to do that I am only speaking from my own experiences and I am not a professional.
This is so sad. First the statement you made about he does not want you Bugging him!!! That really gets me. I have been married for 30yrs now and it does take a bit of working at it TOGETHER. Communication with Honesty is a Must. Your Hub should be your Best Friend and You should be his. If you left he would not care..That right there would of sent me over to stay with a family member or a friend, for a while just to sort things out in my own head. OR I would of told him to go away and think about things too!
He says "he cares about you"!! What is up with that one. He should be telling you he loves you all the time.
Is he watching these porn on the internet or movies? The reason why I ask is if he is communicating with any of these gals?? Or like any sex phone talk?
I do think HE has a serious issues within himself and he is blaming this on you!! Talking to other girls about YOUR problems. I think HE is the Problem. I do not care if you gained some weight or NOT!! He should be standing by your side. He should be helping you if he wants you to lose the weight. Hey Honey..I got you a membership to a gym or lets try this Diet or Life Style change together, regarding the way we both cook.
He only thinks he is better then YOU because he is able to cut you down! This really stinks! I am so sorry!!!
I am a kind of person that likes to work things out or talk things out..However this post makes me wonder if it is even worth it for you.
You could lose that weight, make yourself look so "HOT" and go out with the girls. Even go out right now. Leave him in is own INSECURED world.
I will bet that if you stated to look really, really good and started to do this, he will either look at you different and see that YOU are a Strong women and he will be begging you to stay. BUT you know what?? I would not even want to stay with him if that was the case. He should LOVE You for who you are in the INSIDE/HEART & SOUL the most. If he is so hung up on having someone look Hot to make him feel better then so be it. YOU can get to looking HOT and meet a MAN not a BOY! Sorry but this just gets to me. I am 59yrs old and had many relationships and a few guys I lived with way before I got married. They never did anything like this. I am glad I got smart and told most of them to take a hike. YOU just can pick out things that do not set right in a Relationship. For me it was them working or having any dreams for a better future and/or a few more things..BUT never was I talked down too!
Right now YOU both need some outside Support/Help if this marriage is to last. What Happen? What was he like when you first got together and then decided to get married? Is he blaming all of this because you put on a few pounds in these past yrs? There is Most Differently something Deeper going on here. DO NOT let him make you feel like it is You!! I have put on weight and lost it again and then put it on and lost it again, quite a few times. Many reasons why we put that weight on and we have to figure out why and take care of it.
I sure can turn you on to a great Life style change on the way we eat. I had gotten up to 30lbs over one time and changed back to eating very healthy in this way and small portions every 3-31/2 hours a day. I know what to eat in the morning to bring that sugar level up and not peek out. So much more to this and I had lost that 30lb in about 8 weeks, but I cut mostly Sugars and Salt out too.
I sure will share this info with you if you want. Just send me a PM and I will give you a name and how to start. Hugs!
Anyway, I sure will put in a Prayer or Two that YOU BOTH can get the help you might need to save this marriage. Just do not think it is just YOU. It takes TWO to Tango!
Bless U Both!
Vickie
I have to Ditto here with Specialmom. She gave you some great feedback!
I do think your BEST bet is to go see a Marriage Counselor because I agree with Specialmom about some underlying issues here.
Before I say what I feel, I want you to do that I am only speaking from my own experiences and I am not a professional.
This is so sad. First the statement you made about he does not want you Bugging him!!! That really gets me. I have been married for 30yrs now and it does take a bit of working at it TOGETHER. Communication with Honesty is a Must. Your Hub should be your Best Friend and You should be his. If you left he would not care..That right there would of sent me over to stay with a family member or a friend, for a while just to sort things out in my own head. OR I would of told him to go away and think about things too!
He says "he cares about you"!! What is up with that one. He should be telling you he loves you all the time.
Is he watching these porn on the internet or movies? The reason why I ask is if he is communicating with any of these gals?? Or like any sex phone talk?
I do think HE has a serious issues within himself and he is blaming this on you!! Talking to other girls about YOUR problems. I think HE is the Problem. I do not care if you gained some weight or NOT!! He should be standing by your side. He should be helping you if he wants you to lose the weight. Hey Honey..I got you a membership to a gym or lets try this Diet or Life Style change together, regarding the way we both cook.
He only thinks he is better then YOU because he is able to cut you down! This really stinks! I am so sorry!!!
I am a kind of person that likes to work things out or talk things out..However this post makes me wonder if it is even worth it for you.
You could lose that weight, make yourself look so "HOT" and go out with the girls. Even go out right now. Leave him in is own INSECURED world.
I will bet that if you stated to look really, really good and started to do this, he will either look at you different and see that YOU are a Strong women and he will be begging you to stay. BUT you know what?? I would not even want to stay with him if that was the case. He should LOVE You for who you are in the INSIDE/HEART & SOUL the most. If he is so hung up on having someone look Hot to make him feel better then so be it. YOU can get to looking HOT and meet a MAN not a BOY! Sorry but this just gets to me. I am 59yrs old and had many relationships and a few guys I lived with way before I got married. They never did anything like this. I am glad I got smart and told most of them to take a hike. YOU just can pick out things that do not set right in a Relationship. For me it was them working or having any dreams for a better future and/or a few more things..BUT never was I talked down too!
Right now YOU both need some outside Support/Help if this marriage is to last. What Happen? What was he like when you first got together and then decided to get married? Is he blaming all of this because you put on a few pounds in these past yrs? There is Most Differently something Deeper going on here. DO NOT let him make you feel like it is You!! I have put on weight and lost it again and then put it on and lost it again, quite a few times. Many reasons why we put that weight on and we have to figure out why and take care of it.
I sure can turn you on to a great Life style change on the way we eat. I had gotten up to 30lbs over one time and changed back to eating very healthy in this way and small portions every 3-31/2 hours a day. I know what to eat in the morning to bring that sugar level up and not peek out. So much more to this and I had lost that 30lb in about 8 weeks, but I cut mostly Sugars and Salt out too.
I sure will share this info with you if you want. Just send me a PM and I will give you a name and how to start. Hugs!
Anyway, I sure will put in a Prayer or Two that YOU BOTH can get the help you might need to save this marriage. Just do not think it is just YOU. It takes TWO to Tango!
Bless U Both!
Vickie
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there and welcome. Well, you've packed a lot in your post and I have several things I would like to touch on. First, let me say that I'm sorry that it is a hard time in your relationship and you are struggling in this way. That stinks. Second, let me say that many relationships do have bumps in the road and things to work through and if the 'work' happens, the couple can remain together and happy. I'm assuming this is your goal. You'd like to stay with your husband and be a happy couple.
So, here are some thoughts. First, I understand how you feel about porn. I wouldn't take it as being jealous of the women because would you EVER want to be in the position they are in? They lead a sad life having to have sex for a living and exploiting themselves that way. Statistically, many have addiction problems and significant issues. AND, it's not real sex. They are faking it. When you put all that together it, it's really not all that sexy, right? You feel more sorry for these women than anything else. Men (and some women) like it as an easy release.
However, you mentioned something that concerns me. You haven't had sex in a year. Why? Is this because it is awkward, you don't want to or he doesn't want to? In cases like that, porn would come to mind for a man that still has sexual desire to get some relief. Sex and intimacy is an important part of marriage. Why has this dwindled between you two? This is often a symptom of other problems and when you work on that, the sex comes back. But, in the mean time, is he using porn because you two aren't having sex?
He calls you fat. Terrible and I'm sorry about this. Mom to mom, I struggled with a bit of extra weight after my kids. Pregnancy changes our body and momhood changes our lifestyle. Not for everyone but for some women. And then if you are a bit unhappy, some use food to placate themselves and the weight keeps on coming. No man should belittle us or use our weight against us. With that said, you will be happier if you try to lose some weight. I know this because I did and boy, it does feel a lot better. Just cut out your worst eating habits 6 days a week (with a cheat day one day a week in which you eat anything you like) and exercise regularly. Walks, a quick dvd that is an exercise dvd, etc. about 5 days a week for a minimum of 30 minutes. This should have an effect, these two things. Don't do it FOR him but for you. (btw, I did not tell my husband I was losing weight when I changed my diet and added exercise more frequently to the mix. It was for ME so I just did it).
And last, you speak of these things to us--- how do you express yourself to him? Communicating how his words hurt you, how he makes you feel in a matter of fact way is helpful. Not in an accusatory way that will make him feel defensive. But in a way that is offering problem solving to help you two get on the same page would be great.
We are here to help hon.
So, here are some thoughts. First, I understand how you feel about porn. I wouldn't take it as being jealous of the women because would you EVER want to be in the position they are in? They lead a sad life having to have sex for a living and exploiting themselves that way. Statistically, many have addiction problems and significant issues. AND, it's not real sex. They are faking it. When you put all that together it, it's really not all that sexy, right? You feel more sorry for these women than anything else. Men (and some women) like it as an easy release.
However, you mentioned something that concerns me. You haven't had sex in a year. Why? Is this because it is awkward, you don't want to or he doesn't want to? In cases like that, porn would come to mind for a man that still has sexual desire to get some relief. Sex and intimacy is an important part of marriage. Why has this dwindled between you two? This is often a symptom of other problems and when you work on that, the sex comes back. But, in the mean time, is he using porn because you two aren't having sex?
He calls you fat. Terrible and I'm sorry about this. Mom to mom, I struggled with a bit of extra weight after my kids. Pregnancy changes our body and momhood changes our lifestyle. Not for everyone but for some women. And then if you are a bit unhappy, some use food to placate themselves and the weight keeps on coming. No man should belittle us or use our weight against us. With that said, you will be happier if you try to lose some weight. I know this because I did and boy, it does feel a lot better. Just cut out your worst eating habits 6 days a week (with a cheat day one day a week in which you eat anything you like) and exercise regularly. Walks, a quick dvd that is an exercise dvd, etc. about 5 days a week for a minimum of 30 minutes. This should have an effect, these two things. Don't do it FOR him but for you. (btw, I did not tell my husband I was losing weight when I changed my diet and added exercise more frequently to the mix. It was for ME so I just did it).
And last, you speak of these things to us--- how do you express yourself to him? Communicating how his words hurt you, how he makes you feel in a matter of fact way is helpful. Not in an accusatory way that will make him feel defensive. But in a way that is offering problem solving to help you two get on the same page would be great.
We are here to help hon.
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