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Avatar universal

Seeking advice

So I was wanting inputs about my guy,OK we met years ago,he's always used and been in prison before we got together 4 yrs ago,20 yrs later? Well he relasped again started degrading me blaming me being ugly name calling stuff etc .I walk away then I find he in jail he ask not to leave him he wanted to propose that night they took him in, so I loyalty acepted ,I worked to get him in a rehab now 3weeks later he starts acting distant like he blames me chatting at home,but 30 minutes on phone he wants a nap so I'm thinking he cheating any advice or anything?
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973741 tn?1342346373
COMMUNITY LEADER
Ahhh,  very sorry for this situation hon.  You've been very loyal and true to him.  This is complicated.  He's trying to recover from addiction. Very scary stuff to realize that one has relapsed and he's realized he may not be able to control himself.  His Number one priority is to overcome addiction  That is hard.  Please let him be.

Your number one priority is taking care of you.  When he was degrading you, blaming you, etc.  this was the time to leave in my opinion. Whether it was drug induced or not, that is unacceptable.  You deserve better.  That he begged you to stay when he was in the vulnerable position of being in jail, well. that is not the romantic proposal of marriage you deserve nor would I consider it 100 percent legit.  He was scared and alone and needed you to stay.  And he did the wow factor to make that happen.  

So, my advice is to go your separate ways with telling him that if he wants to get his life together, he knows where to find you.  Then make him PROVE that he does.  A specific period of time clean under his belt, counseling for long term care of addiction as well as his interpersonal issues that caused him to hurt you before you thought of leaving him.

I don't know if he is cheating but he isn't being good to you AGAIN after you stuck it out for him and got him to rehab.  Not good enough for you sweetie.  Create a better life for yourself.  peace and hugs
3060903 tn?1398568723
,OK we met years ago,he's always used and been in prison before we got together 4 yrs ago,20 yrs later?

Welcome to Medhelp. I was a little confused about the time line of your relationship myself.  You say you met years ago, (always used/been in prison). and you got together 4 years ago. ?  Is that right? that you've  been living together for 4 yrears? and you've just now gotten him into rehab?

What you you mean by 20 years later?

Avatar universal
Amy,

I think you've done as much as you can for this guy and it's time to think about you and what you are getting out of this which doesn't sound like much.

My recommendation would be to end this and allow him to sort himself out on his own and go from there.  If he does turn himself around and that's a big "if," then you can reconsider this relationship in the future.  

You deserve more and better and it doesn't seem he can offer you that at this time or possibly ever.

Think about what you really need and want.

Avatar universal
I give you a lot of credit as dealing with an addict isn't easy and I know I couldn't do it.  
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