Separate or together?

[Pasito]

This is my first time on such a forum but everyone seems to give great advice so i hope you can help me too. My husband and i have been together 12 years, 9 of them as a married couple. Intellectually and platonically we get along great. I love him and i know he loves me. The problem is that he is a very closed person. He shows affection rarely and at times flat out rejects even a kiss. For the last year he has been treated for depression and seems to be doing better. When i was a small child i was repeatedly sexually mistreated by an older student at my school. My husbad, when he does show affection does it in a playful like manner - grabbing and tickling. I think because the abuse i suffered was similar, ijust cannot enjoy this kind of affection...kisses, sex etc are all ok. Please note that ca. 90% of the time he does manage to be affectionate, it is in this style. I have tried several times to tell him about what happened and how him grabbing me and things makes me feel. He just gets angry tells me i should change my counselor because the one i have is making me a nut. Now whemhe grabs me and stuff he even teases me. Before i say anythig he says "ohim not a toy. Ow youre hurting me." and then laughs. Now i have developed some kind of walland though i love him and know he loves me,i dont seems to feel it anymore. Its like ive gone numb. Since i cant get through to him and this hurts me should i go? Im afraid i will soon start looking for someone else to fill the void in my heart anyway. What to do?! Pls forgive the typos.

[AnnieBrooke]

It doesn't sound like the match between you is very workable as it is.  He is bullying you with the grabbing and tickling, and he is not genuinely affectionate.  If you two can't work this out (go to a different counselor together), then I would talk to him about dissolving the marriage.

[AHP84]

You mention that you are personally seeing a counselor, but does he ever go with you, or do you two attend couple's counseling?

[Pasito]

Just to clarify the stuff that happened to me wasnt just tickling and jokes - dont think i am a nut. It always started in a playful way tickles and thigns. The icky stuff and abuse came after. Despite that, the redicule, him laughing at me, poking tickling, making other kids laugh at me...was the harder part of it all. I can be intimate in other ways, just not that.