Aa
Sexless relationship
Need advice as feel like I have no one else to speak to.
I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and we have been living together for 2 years. About 6-8 months into our relationship we had a herpes scare (found out later on the DR Miss diagnosed me) I had an epesoide down there which just seemed to be an infection.... few months later my boyfriend came out with warts all over his penis he manages to get them frozen off but he stopped having sex with me in 2016, I came to terms with it that he Was just paranoid and wasn’t comfortable to do so at the moment in case his warts come back. But now as they have been gone at least 10 months he doesn’t touch me he doesn’t let me touch him just pushes my hand off. I try to dress up for him in the bedroom to hope he will have sex with me but walks away making me feel pathetic.. I really want a baby in the future wirh him but his telling me to look for someone else as he doesn’t want a child or get married so I said ok let’s at least get a dog so I can feel like I have something to fill the love of a baby but he also doesn’t want a dog!
So I have been with him 3 years, I do really love him. But no sex for 2 years, no baby. No marriage and no dog! What do I do....
I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and we have been living together for 2 years. About 6-8 months into our relationship we had a herpes scare (found out later on the DR Miss diagnosed me) I had an epesoide down there which just seemed to be an infection.... few months later my boyfriend came out with warts all over his penis he manages to get them frozen off but he stopped having sex with me in 2016, I came to terms with it that he Was just paranoid and wasn’t comfortable to do so at the moment in case his warts come back. But now as they have been gone at least 10 months he doesn’t touch me he doesn’t let me touch him just pushes my hand off. I try to dress up for him in the bedroom to hope he will have sex with me but walks away making me feel pathetic.. I really want a baby in the future wirh him but his telling me to look for someone else as he doesn’t want a child or get married so I said ok let’s at least get a dog so I can feel like I have something to fill the love of a baby but he also doesn’t want a dog!
So I have been with him 3 years, I do really love him. But no sex for 2 years, no baby. No marriage and no dog! What do I do....
Being a good dog parent, or good parent, means making the right decisions for them first, ahead of what you may want. A dependent needs to have real commitment from two parents. Real security that will last them a lifetime.
You need more from a man that what this man is giving you, to have a child. Like the dog, i think honestly you can count your lucky stars that this man has been refusing sex, -possibly so that you don't get pregnant. - possibly because he knows he's not capable of being a good parent right now. He may be acting more responsibly than you at this point. He may know his limitations, while you may not know yours. If you would get pregnant in the relationship now the way it is, or even get a dog the way it is, it means you are not capable of acting in the best long term interests of a dependent.
It might be that this is a really good guy that is not ready for a relationship and has the integrity to not use you for sex, when he knows his heart is not in the relationship or he is not ready for any relationship, especially that requires him to fully commit to raising dependents.
The latter may not make you love him less, it might even be harder to have to walk away to make your dreams come true. Those are the complications of life i'm afraid.
I wonder what the percentages are of people that fall in love when the timing is off. ? How many have had to walk way from those they love so much? I know i had to leave my first husband that i was very much in love with. It was so hard to do, even though he was given me signs that i should, like this man is giving you.
I a way i get the feeling that if i knew your boyfriend and talked to him, i might even like him. My first husband, though not capable of being a partner and parent , gave me a lot of mixed messages. Our sex life is what kept me there far longer than i should have. Had he had more integrity, and stopped the constant sex, i would have been able to see so many years earlier, that i was wasting my time and that for whatever reason we were incompatible.
You have a lot to think about. You need to find out the real reason why he's stopped being intimate with you.
I think it would be smart to think about the things that have been brought up here, and ask him some real questions. Beforehand, please prepare yourself for what you may hear back.
It's not going to help you to hold onto him, despite him not wanting to commit to you. That never works, and you don't need to be that desperate.
Be prepared to be told that he's not interested in commitment to you. Be happy for both you and he that this has come to light if that's the case. In my experience, let him know that's it's okay with you if he wants to let go of the relationship.
it's the right thing to do .
I met my husband when he was separated from his first wife, He had a daughter, so i made sure i called his ex and ask her if , for the sake of the child, did she want to go to marriage counseling. It was the right thing to do, and had i done nothing, it would not have been honorable. Today, it means a lot to me that i did that. I'm proud that i acted with integrity when it came to a child's future.
So, get strong and be calm. I think that he's told you in every way possible he's not ready for a long term committed traditional relationship but it might help both you and him to figure it all out with a marriage counselor. It might be that he would be just as happy living with and having a friendship with women.
It might be really confusing for him too that he feels that way. He may mean that he loves you dearly, and that he has no plans to move on and mean it. But your idea of a relationship and his idea may be way opposite to each other. He may even be questioning his sexual identity. and that again, may not mean that he loves you any less.
Think about all the things that have been thrown out there resulting from your post.
Plan on being kind and calm and ask him if he would please go to a counselor to talk about whether you and he should continue to be together.
Many blessings to you both.
You need more from a man that what this man is giving you, to have a child. Like the dog, i think honestly you can count your lucky stars that this man has been refusing sex, -possibly so that you don't get pregnant. - possibly because he knows he's not capable of being a good parent right now. He may be acting more responsibly than you at this point. He may know his limitations, while you may not know yours. If you would get pregnant in the relationship now the way it is, or even get a dog the way it is, it means you are not capable of acting in the best long term interests of a dependent.
It might be that this is a really good guy that is not ready for a relationship and has the integrity to not use you for sex, when he knows his heart is not in the relationship or he is not ready for any relationship, especially that requires him to fully commit to raising dependents.
The latter may not make you love him less, it might even be harder to have to walk away to make your dreams come true. Those are the complications of life i'm afraid.
I wonder what the percentages are of people that fall in love when the timing is off. ? How many have had to walk way from those they love so much? I know i had to leave my first husband that i was very much in love with. It was so hard to do, even though he was given me signs that i should, like this man is giving you.
I a way i get the feeling that if i knew your boyfriend and talked to him, i might even like him. My first husband, though not capable of being a partner and parent , gave me a lot of mixed messages. Our sex life is what kept me there far longer than i should have. Had he had more integrity, and stopped the constant sex, i would have been able to see so many years earlier, that i was wasting my time and that for whatever reason we were incompatible.
You have a lot to think about. You need to find out the real reason why he's stopped being intimate with you.
I think it would be smart to think about the things that have been brought up here, and ask him some real questions. Beforehand, please prepare yourself for what you may hear back.
It's not going to help you to hold onto him, despite him not wanting to commit to you. That never works, and you don't need to be that desperate.
Be prepared to be told that he's not interested in commitment to you. Be happy for both you and he that this has come to light if that's the case. In my experience, let him know that's it's okay with you if he wants to let go of the relationship.
it's the right thing to do .
I met my husband when he was separated from his first wife, He had a daughter, so i made sure i called his ex and ask her if , for the sake of the child, did she want to go to marriage counseling. It was the right thing to do, and had i done nothing, it would not have been honorable. Today, it means a lot to me that i did that. I'm proud that i acted with integrity when it came to a child's future.
So, get strong and be calm. I think that he's told you in every way possible he's not ready for a long term committed traditional relationship but it might help both you and him to figure it all out with a marriage counselor. It might be that he would be just as happy living with and having a friendship with women.
It might be really confusing for him too that he feels that way. He may mean that he loves you dearly, and that he has no plans to move on and mean it. But your idea of a relationship and his idea may be way opposite to each other. He may even be questioning his sexual identity. and that again, may not mean that he loves you any less.
Think about all the things that have been thrown out there resulting from your post.
Plan on being kind and calm and ask him if he would please go to a counselor to talk about whether you and he should continue to be together.
Many blessings to you both.
1 Comments
I'm going to take back that I may "like" how your ex is handling himself with you. I guess it's more like I think there may be a reason that is not totally selfish. It' s unfortunate that he seems to be confused and leading you on. what i meant was, i think there may be something going on behind his actions, that is not totally cruel and unusual , I think it may be that he feels love for you but is unsure about how to go about the questions he may be having about the relationship. In other words, he may not be all bad, just confused himself. I hope you both get a chance, make a chance, to communicate together about what's happening in your relationship for both your sakes.
I'm really sorry that you're going through this - but honestly this guy sounds very cruel and demeaning to you on a regular basis. I think being treated like this can adversely affect your own self worth if you continue to accept it.
You were found to be clean of STD;s, but he was not. He feels nothing about punishing you for a misdiagnosis, whereas he's not acting sorry for his having an STD. Did he get his STD while he was in a relationship with you, or before? If you had a normal sex life before the scare, and then nothing afterward, i might then deduce that he was getting sex elsewhere. I don't know why people stay in relationships unhappily and have sex elsewhere, but honestly given these circumstances, i might conclude that's what was happening.
Many couples slow down in the lovemaking further down the road after many years, They hold on to the memories of their lovemaking when they were young - but this is much different than what i'm saying here.
First of all , you are incompatible with this guy. You need to have the physical element with your spouse, and he does not. He may or may not be having sex elsewhere, you'll likely never know. He doesn't sound like a happy guy. You sound very sad. This does not sound like a relationship that will grow into happiness or fulfillment for either of you.
It's very hard to contemplate moving on from a relationship, but the only way to find a relationship that will make you happy and fulfilled, is to move on. You can love a person and fall out of being "in love" with them. I think this may have happened for him. And, i think this also may be happening for you. You cannot be head over heels with a guy that is so cruel and obtuse to your needs. It sounds to me that you are both holding onto the idea of love, the security of having somebody because the alternative, of making the moves to move on seems daunting.
God - Give me the Serenity to Accept the things I cannot change. The Courage to Change the things i can, and the Wisdom to know the difference.
When considering whether to stay or go from a relationship, you have to ask yourself. Do you still have faith that good relationships are possible.? If you have friends or parents or siblings that have good solid relationships it's easier to see yourself attaining that for yourself. Do you have people in your life that you know are in relationships that seem to have it all? That you believe are intimate by nature, and loving and committed? If you do , if you can still believe in good relationships, it will be easier for you to ACCEPT that your relationship is lacking the ingredients to make a good relationship.
Have you been able to change his mind and bring him back to you? You've said no, that you've tried everything. Would it help you to ask him to attend Marriage Counseling so that you know you've done everything in your power to breathe life into this relationship so that you can move on? If so, do so. Tell him that you love him , that you want a family, that you did nothing wrong, your were misdiagnosed and he is being cruel to you and you and he both need the help of a professional to get things back on track. You cannot find his rejecting you sexually proof that he's not into you as much as he should be, you instead say that it's his paranoia, however should he refuse to go to marriage counseling, then I think you have all the proof you need that he's not willing to go to any length to revitalize your marriage - and should this be the case, you can do a whole lot better for yourself.
Remember, while all this is going down, a better suited mate for you is out there looking for you, spending his Valentines Day's alone, spending time as a single during Christmas bringing no one home to meet his family, worrying constantly whether he'll ever have a family himself.
I wonder what his plan was by telling you that you couldn't get a dog? Is he allergic to dogs i wonder? The thing is this. He's got an STD that you don't have. He's not interested in sex, which is very weird for most guys. When a guy stops having sex at home, often it's because they're getting it elsewhere. But, even if he's just no longer interested in sex (very odd indeed) why not allow(??) you to get a dog. Most guys that wanted to keep a women happy would say 'Yeah of course - whatever makes you happy" Most guys under these unusual circumstances would be really happy to get away with only having to provide a dog to make their women happy. Why no dog? A dog represent permanence, it represents security and a necessity to stay put, much like having a child. Is he saying no to the dog because he's looking for a way out and having a dog would make it harder for you both to move on? Is his holding back sex, and saying no to the dog more about his brooding plans to end your relationship?
A friend of mine lost her job and said that they had a feeling that something wasn't right, that they had thought about looking for another job but just the warning in their gut go and not start looking for a new job. Couple - few weeks down the line, fired without notice.
This guy is unhappy obviously. My best advice would be to plan to move on. As it turns out, it 's a good thing you didn't get a dog, because it's a lot harder to move on with a dog no doubt about it. While you have so many opportunities for accommodations with room mates, not so with a dog. A dog, is like a child, and needs all the same security as a child. I think bottom line is that your boyfriend gave you all the information you really need to make a decision and plans for yourself to move on - he doesn't want sex with you, he may not find you physically attractive who knows? (and i'm saying this hoping that it doesn't make you cringe cuz just because he may not be physically attracted to you as a real reason why he's not interested in sex he's only one man, and there's thousands more that would be physically attracted to you no doubt. = he doesn't want a child with you cuz he doesn't think that your relationship is sound enough to have a child, or a dog. He doesn't have the interest in you to make any of your dreams come through. I suggest that you plan your escape from this guy who for whatever reason is not willing to commit to you, Find a place to go, in the interim maybe stay with family til you figure out where to move to - maybe a shared house would be a good idea so you're not alone and have some built in support and friendship that will help you to be less lonely. Ask him if you want for marriage counseling. It may make you feel like you've done absolutely everything you could do and help you to have no regrets moving forward. I honestly don't think he's got what it takes to do that for your relationship as he seems really tuned out to the needs and requirements of having a relationship with you.
It's weird being older and wise to the things that go down in young relationships. It may appear like this guy holds all the cards, cuz he's holding back on you, but the fact is, although it might make him feel powerful to be holding back his love from you, it's short lived. When you wise up and leave him and move on to someone not into head games, he'll still be devising ways to destroy his next conquest. What does a monster really gain? He's playing hard ball head games with you.
In parting, i'll say the Serenity Prayer again in the hopes that it helps you to see a much bigger picture.
God Grant me the Serenity to Accept the Things I cannot Change, the Courage to Change the things i can, and the WISDOM to know the difference.
I wonder what his name is? How tall he is? What he does for a living? Will his family love me? When will we have children? get excited young lady You are the maker of your own desing.
You were found to be clean of STD;s, but he was not. He feels nothing about punishing you for a misdiagnosis, whereas he's not acting sorry for his having an STD. Did he get his STD while he was in a relationship with you, or before? If you had a normal sex life before the scare, and then nothing afterward, i might then deduce that he was getting sex elsewhere. I don't know why people stay in relationships unhappily and have sex elsewhere, but honestly given these circumstances, i might conclude that's what was happening.
Many couples slow down in the lovemaking further down the road after many years, They hold on to the memories of their lovemaking when they were young - but this is much different than what i'm saying here.
First of all , you are incompatible with this guy. You need to have the physical element with your spouse, and he does not. He may or may not be having sex elsewhere, you'll likely never know. He doesn't sound like a happy guy. You sound very sad. This does not sound like a relationship that will grow into happiness or fulfillment for either of you.
It's very hard to contemplate moving on from a relationship, but the only way to find a relationship that will make you happy and fulfilled, is to move on. You can love a person and fall out of being "in love" with them. I think this may have happened for him. And, i think this also may be happening for you. You cannot be head over heels with a guy that is so cruel and obtuse to your needs. It sounds to me that you are both holding onto the idea of love, the security of having somebody because the alternative, of making the moves to move on seems daunting.
God - Give me the Serenity to Accept the things I cannot change. The Courage to Change the things i can, and the Wisdom to know the difference.
When considering whether to stay or go from a relationship, you have to ask yourself. Do you still have faith that good relationships are possible.? If you have friends or parents or siblings that have good solid relationships it's easier to see yourself attaining that for yourself. Do you have people in your life that you know are in relationships that seem to have it all? That you believe are intimate by nature, and loving and committed? If you do , if you can still believe in good relationships, it will be easier for you to ACCEPT that your relationship is lacking the ingredients to make a good relationship.
Have you been able to change his mind and bring him back to you? You've said no, that you've tried everything. Would it help you to ask him to attend Marriage Counseling so that you know you've done everything in your power to breathe life into this relationship so that you can move on? If so, do so. Tell him that you love him , that you want a family, that you did nothing wrong, your were misdiagnosed and he is being cruel to you and you and he both need the help of a professional to get things back on track. You cannot find his rejecting you sexually proof that he's not into you as much as he should be, you instead say that it's his paranoia, however should he refuse to go to marriage counseling, then I think you have all the proof you need that he's not willing to go to any length to revitalize your marriage - and should this be the case, you can do a whole lot better for yourself.
Remember, while all this is going down, a better suited mate for you is out there looking for you, spending his Valentines Day's alone, spending time as a single during Christmas bringing no one home to meet his family, worrying constantly whether he'll ever have a family himself.
I wonder what his plan was by telling you that you couldn't get a dog? Is he allergic to dogs i wonder? The thing is this. He's got an STD that you don't have. He's not interested in sex, which is very weird for most guys. When a guy stops having sex at home, often it's because they're getting it elsewhere. But, even if he's just no longer interested in sex (very odd indeed) why not allow(??) you to get a dog. Most guys that wanted to keep a women happy would say 'Yeah of course - whatever makes you happy" Most guys under these unusual circumstances would be really happy to get away with only having to provide a dog to make their women happy. Why no dog? A dog represent permanence, it represents security and a necessity to stay put, much like having a child. Is he saying no to the dog because he's looking for a way out and having a dog would make it harder for you both to move on? Is his holding back sex, and saying no to the dog more about his brooding plans to end your relationship?
A friend of mine lost her job and said that they had a feeling that something wasn't right, that they had thought about looking for another job but just the warning in their gut go and not start looking for a new job. Couple - few weeks down the line, fired without notice.
This guy is unhappy obviously. My best advice would be to plan to move on. As it turns out, it 's a good thing you didn't get a dog, because it's a lot harder to move on with a dog no doubt about it. While you have so many opportunities for accommodations with room mates, not so with a dog. A dog, is like a child, and needs all the same security as a child. I think bottom line is that your boyfriend gave you all the information you really need to make a decision and plans for yourself to move on - he doesn't want sex with you, he may not find you physically attractive who knows? (and i'm saying this hoping that it doesn't make you cringe cuz just because he may not be physically attracted to you as a real reason why he's not interested in sex he's only one man, and there's thousands more that would be physically attracted to you no doubt. = he doesn't want a child with you cuz he doesn't think that your relationship is sound enough to have a child, or a dog. He doesn't have the interest in you to make any of your dreams come through. I suggest that you plan your escape from this guy who for whatever reason is not willing to commit to you, Find a place to go, in the interim maybe stay with family til you figure out where to move to - maybe a shared house would be a good idea so you're not alone and have some built in support and friendship that will help you to be less lonely. Ask him if you want for marriage counseling. It may make you feel like you've done absolutely everything you could do and help you to have no regrets moving forward. I honestly don't think he's got what it takes to do that for your relationship as he seems really tuned out to the needs and requirements of having a relationship with you.
It's weird being older and wise to the things that go down in young relationships. It may appear like this guy holds all the cards, cuz he's holding back on you, but the fact is, although it might make him feel powerful to be holding back his love from you, it's short lived. When you wise up and leave him and move on to someone not into head games, he'll still be devising ways to destroy his next conquest. What does a monster really gain? He's playing hard ball head games with you.
In parting, i'll say the Serenity Prayer again in the hopes that it helps you to see a much bigger picture.
God Grant me the Serenity to Accept the Things I cannot Change, the Courage to Change the things i can, and the WISDOM to know the difference.
I wonder what his name is? How tall he is? What he does for a living? Will his family love me? When will we have children? get excited young lady You are the maker of your own desing.
1 Comments
oops - design lol Rest easy and do what you need to do for you. You're worth the effort, and if you ever need a friend, i'll be here for you. I had to move on from my first marriage, and i'm so glad i did. I'm sitting now with my forever partner, i know we'll love each other from the day we met til the day we die, happily spending our days together, with the satisfaction that we both helped raise the others child. The only way it happened, was because i kicked a motorcycle off the top of my old 73 mustang (it was on the roof of my car) and drove outa dodge. It take work and effort to move on, it can be dramatic and tiresome but friends make all the difference and I'm here if you need me. Liz
I'm really sorry that you're going through this - but honestly this guy sounds very cruel and demeaning to you on a regular basis. I think being treated like this can adversely affect your own self worth if you continue to accept it.
You were found to be clean of STD;s, but he was not. He feels nothing about punishing you for a misdiagnosis, whereas he's not acting sorry for his having an STD. Did he get his STD while he was in a relationship with you, or before? If you had a normal sex life before the scare, and then nothing afterward, i might then deduce that he was getting sex elsewhere. I don't know why people stay in relationships unhappily and have sex elsewhere, but honestly given these circumstances, i might conclude that's what was happening.
Many couples slow down in the lovemaking further down the road after many years, They hold on to the memories of their lovemaking when they were young - but this is much different than what i'm saying here.
First of all , you are incompatible with this guy. You need to have the physical element with your spouse, and he does not. He may or may not be having sex elsewhere, you'll likely never know. He doesn't sound like a happy guy. You sound very sad. This does not sound like a relationship that will grow into happiness or fulfillment for either of you.
It's very hard to contemplate moving on from a relationship, but the only way to find a relationship that will make you happy and fulfilled, is to move on. You can love a person and fall out of being "in love" with them. I think this may have happened for him. And, i think this also may be happening for you. You cannot be head over heels with a guy that is so cruel and obtuse to your needs. It sounds to me that you are both holding onto the idea of love, the security of having somebody because the alternative, of making the moves to move on seems daunting.
God - Give me the Serenity to Accept the things I cannot change. The Courage to Change the things i can, and the Wisdom to know the difference.
When considering whether to stay or go from a relationship, you have to ask yourself. Do you still have faith that good relationships are possible.? If you have friends or parents or siblings that have good solid relationships it's easier to see yourself attaining that for yourself. Do you have people in your life that you know are in relationships that seem to have it all? That you believe are intimate by nature, and loving and committed? If you do , if you can still believe in good relationships, it will be easier for you to ACCEPT that your relationship is lacking the ingredients to make a good relationship.
Have you been able to change his mind and bring him back to you? You've said no, that you've tried everything. Would it help you to ask him to attend Marriage Counseling so that you know you've done everything in your power to breathe life into this relationship so that you can move on? If so, do so. Tell him that you love him , that you want a family, that you did nothing wrong, your were misdiagnosed and he is being cruel to you and you and he both need the help of a professional to get things back on track. You cannot find his rejecting you sexually proof that he's not into you as much as he should be, you instead say that it's his paranoia, however should he refuse to go to marriage counseling, then I think you have all the proof you need that he's not willing to go to any length to revitalize your marriage - and should this be the case, you can do a whole lot better for yourself.
Remember, while all this is going down, a better suited mate for you is out there looking for you, spending his Valentines Day's alone, spending time as a single during Christmas bringing no one home to meet his family, worrying constantly whether he'll ever have a family himself.
I wonder what his plan was by telling you that you couldn't get a dog? Is he allergic to dogs i wonder? The thing is this. He's got an STD that you don't have. He's not interested in sex, which is very weird for most guys. When a guy stops having sex at home, often it's because they're getting it elsewhere. But, even if he's just no longer interested in sex (very odd indeed) why not allow(??) you to get a dog. Most guys that wanted to keep a women happy would say 'Yeah of course - whatever makes you happy" Most guys under these unusual circumstances would be really happy to get away with only having to provide a dog to make their women happy. Why no dog? A dog represent permanence, it represents security and a necessity to stay put, much like having a child. Is he saying no to the dog because he's looking for a way out and having a dog would make it harder for you both to move on? Is his holding back sex, and saying no to the dog more about his brooding plans to end your relationship?
A friend of mine lost her job and said that they had a feeling that something wasn't right, that they had thought about looking for another job but just the warning in their gut go and not start looking for a new job. Couple - few weeks down the line, fired without notice.
This guy is unhappy obviously. My best advice would be to plan to move on. As it turns out, it 's a good thing you didn't get a dog, because it's a lot harder to move on with a dog no doubt about it. While you have so many opportunities for accommodations with room mates, not so with a dog. A dog, is like a child, and needs all the same security as a child. I think bottom line is that your boyfriend gave you all the information you really need to make a decision and plans for yourself to move on - he doesn't want sex with you, he may not find you physically attractive who knows? (and i'm saying this hoping that it doesn't make you cringe cuz just because he may not be physically attracted to you as a real reason why he's not interested in sex he's only one man, and there's thousands more that would be physically attracted to you no doubt. = he doesn't want a child with you cuz he doesn't think that your relationship is sound enough to have a child, or a dog. He doesn't have the interest in you to make any of your dreams come through. I suggest that you plan your escape from this guy who for whatever reason is not willing to commit to you, Find a place to go, in the interim maybe stay with family til you figure out where to move to - maybe a shared house would be a good idea so you're not alone and have some built in support and friendship that will help you to be less lonely. Ask him if you want for marriage counseling. It may make you feel like you've done absolutely everything you could do and help you to have no regrets moving forward. I honestly don't think he's got what it takes to do that for your relationship as he seems really tuned out to the needs and requirements of having a relationship with you.
It's weird being older and wise to the things that go down in young relationships. It may appear like this guy holds all the cards, cuz he's holding back on you, but the fact is, although it might make him feel powerful to be holding back his love from you, it's short lived. When you wise up and leave him and move on to someone not into head games, he'll still be devising ways to destroy his next conquest. What does a monster really gain? He's playing hard ball head games with you.
In parting, i'll say the Serenity Prayer again in the hopes that it helps you to see a much bigger picture.
God Grant me the Serenity to Accept the Things I cannot Change, the Courage to Change the things i can, and the WISDOM to know the difference.
I wonder what his name is? How tall he is? What he does for a living? Will his family love me? When will we have children? get excited young lady You are the maker of your own desing.
You were found to be clean of STD;s, but he was not. He feels nothing about punishing you for a misdiagnosis, whereas he's not acting sorry for his having an STD. Did he get his STD while he was in a relationship with you, or before? If you had a normal sex life before the scare, and then nothing afterward, i might then deduce that he was getting sex elsewhere. I don't know why people stay in relationships unhappily and have sex elsewhere, but honestly given these circumstances, i might conclude that's what was happening.
Many couples slow down in the lovemaking further down the road after many years, They hold on to the memories of their lovemaking when they were young - but this is much different than what i'm saying here.
First of all , you are incompatible with this guy. You need to have the physical element with your spouse, and he does not. He may or may not be having sex elsewhere, you'll likely never know. He doesn't sound like a happy guy. You sound very sad. This does not sound like a relationship that will grow into happiness or fulfillment for either of you.
It's very hard to contemplate moving on from a relationship, but the only way to find a relationship that will make you happy and fulfilled, is to move on. You can love a person and fall out of being "in love" with them. I think this may have happened for him. And, i think this also may be happening for you. You cannot be head over heels with a guy that is so cruel and obtuse to your needs. It sounds to me that you are both holding onto the idea of love, the security of having somebody because the alternative, of making the moves to move on seems daunting.
God - Give me the Serenity to Accept the things I cannot change. The Courage to Change the things i can, and the Wisdom to know the difference.
When considering whether to stay or go from a relationship, you have to ask yourself. Do you still have faith that good relationships are possible.? If you have friends or parents or siblings that have good solid relationships it's easier to see yourself attaining that for yourself. Do you have people in your life that you know are in relationships that seem to have it all? That you believe are intimate by nature, and loving and committed? If you do , if you can still believe in good relationships, it will be easier for you to ACCEPT that your relationship is lacking the ingredients to make a good relationship.
Have you been able to change his mind and bring him back to you? You've said no, that you've tried everything. Would it help you to ask him to attend Marriage Counseling so that you know you've done everything in your power to breathe life into this relationship so that you can move on? If so, do so. Tell him that you love him , that you want a family, that you did nothing wrong, your were misdiagnosed and he is being cruel to you and you and he both need the help of a professional to get things back on track. You cannot find his rejecting you sexually proof that he's not into you as much as he should be, you instead say that it's his paranoia, however should he refuse to go to marriage counseling, then I think you have all the proof you need that he's not willing to go to any length to revitalize your marriage - and should this be the case, you can do a whole lot better for yourself.
Remember, while all this is going down, a better suited mate for you is out there looking for you, spending his Valentines Day's alone, spending time as a single during Christmas bringing no one home to meet his family, worrying constantly whether he'll ever have a family himself.
I wonder what his plan was by telling you that you couldn't get a dog? Is he allergic to dogs i wonder? The thing is this. He's got an STD that you don't have. He's not interested in sex, which is very weird for most guys. When a guy stops having sex at home, often it's because they're getting it elsewhere. But, even if he's just no longer interested in sex (very odd indeed) why not allow(??) you to get a dog. Most guys that wanted to keep a women happy would say 'Yeah of course - whatever makes you happy" Most guys under these unusual circumstances would be really happy to get away with only having to provide a dog to make their women happy. Why no dog? A dog represent permanence, it represents security and a necessity to stay put, much like having a child. Is he saying no to the dog because he's looking for a way out and having a dog would make it harder for you both to move on? Is his holding back sex, and saying no to the dog more about his brooding plans to end your relationship?
A friend of mine lost her job and said that they had a feeling that something wasn't right, that they had thought about looking for another job but just the warning in their gut go and not start looking for a new job. Couple - few weeks down the line, fired without notice.
This guy is unhappy obviously. My best advice would be to plan to move on. As it turns out, it 's a good thing you didn't get a dog, because it's a lot harder to move on with a dog no doubt about it. While you have so many opportunities for accommodations with room mates, not so with a dog. A dog, is like a child, and needs all the same security as a child. I think bottom line is that your boyfriend gave you all the information you really need to make a decision and plans for yourself to move on - he doesn't want sex with you, he may not find you physically attractive who knows? (and i'm saying this hoping that it doesn't make you cringe cuz just because he may not be physically attracted to you as a real reason why he's not interested in sex he's only one man, and there's thousands more that would be physically attracted to you no doubt. = he doesn't want a child with you cuz he doesn't think that your relationship is sound enough to have a child, or a dog. He doesn't have the interest in you to make any of your dreams come through. I suggest that you plan your escape from this guy who for whatever reason is not willing to commit to you, Find a place to go, in the interim maybe stay with family til you figure out where to move to - maybe a shared house would be a good idea so you're not alone and have some built in support and friendship that will help you to be less lonely. Ask him if you want for marriage counseling. It may make you feel like you've done absolutely everything you could do and help you to have no regrets moving forward. I honestly don't think he's got what it takes to do that for your relationship as he seems really tuned out to the needs and requirements of having a relationship with you.
It's weird being older and wise to the things that go down in young relationships. It may appear like this guy holds all the cards, cuz he's holding back on you, but the fact is, although it might make him feel powerful to be holding back his love from you, it's short lived. When you wise up and leave him and move on to someone not into head games, he'll still be devising ways to destroy his next conquest. What does a monster really gain? He's playing hard ball head games with you.
In parting, i'll say the Serenity Prayer again in the hopes that it helps you to see a much bigger picture.
God Grant me the Serenity to Accept the Things I cannot Change, the Courage to Change the things i can, and the WISDOM to know the difference.
I wonder what his name is? How tall he is? What he does for a living? Will his family love me? When will we have children? get excited young lady You are the maker of your own desing.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I'm really sorry to hear this. Must be hard. So, I understand you love him. That's terrific. This is a case in which you have to really weigh things out. Sex is clearly not a big thing to him because even with his fear, if it was, he'd still find a way. So, I wouldn't expect this to change all that much. Are you okay in a sexless relationship? We do date for a reason which is to uncover everything we need to know about someone in order to decide if we should stay with them long term/forever or cut our losses and find someone we are more compatible with. You two are not sexually compatible. You want it more than he does. You can give this one more ditch effort and really have a crystal clear discussion with him that living sexless is not okay with you. What are his thoughts? And come to a resolution where things will improve OR you will need to decide if you want to be with someone that can go long stretches without having any sex. (and remember, it takes sex to have kids . . .). It may be something in which you can't resolve and you will possibly want to move on and find someone you can have a healthy sex life with. But that is for you to decide and no one but you would know how important that aspect to the relationship is to you. Good luck, hon.
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