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Avatar universal

Sexual experience after getting back with loved one.

Me and my lover were together for a year and a half before she left me. She couldn't handle our relationship being long distance and she felt like it wasn't possible to be with me in our college years. On our Christmas break after being apart for almost 3 months we got back together. We talked about everything; how to improve our relationship together, things we can do, how we can act. It really showed just how perfect our communication always had been. She had been seeing another man for 2 months during that time which I was aware off and she sincerely regretted having me experience the pain of her doing that to me, and the lack of communication she showed me. We are truely working so hard to heal ourselves and it is working fantastically.

Now my question comes when we started having sex again. She lost her virginity to me so I know how tight she used to be and it certainly loosened up after the first month and even a little bit throughout our relationship. Now we I first fingered her I noticed how easily I stuck two fingers in. This was a surprise because I barely warmed her up and she already wanted it. She then took longer to *** and when we had intercourse she didn't even *** then. Now we never had had long sex but she always came from me very quickly (ie under 20 seconds for fingering and 30 seconds for vaginal sex). So after our new sex kept up for a week I got concered. I wondered what could cause this. Her vaginal lips look a bit droopy and she hasn't been super healthy eating or exercising as she used to. We used to have sex everyday twice a day. I asked her about her last partner and she said they always used a condom but never used lube. He quote "lasted a long time and it got boring". She told me it never hurt having sex with him. But also she wasn't masterbating and nor was I. Before we had sex I was getting over having urestathis and was going through rounds of antibiotics. I have had unprotected sex with her and she seems fine though she has always had tramu about having a surprise pregnacy even though she is on birth control. I hope this list of effects and possible causes helps.  I've also heard not being sexually active shortens your penis. Also larger penis' cause vaginal stretching. But these are hotly debated and im not in complete search for a reason just a solution.

I'm not as sexually satisfied as her because I'm used to getting her off easily and having her tighter. What can we do as a couple to help our sex life? We are going to start doing kegel PC muscle excersise and also eating and exercising more in general to help our health. If there is any advice out there is would be extremely helpful, I'm very traumatized at how different sex feels with her as we have always had amazing explorative and communicative sex. Please help.
Best Answer
480448 tn?1426948538
For starters, I think you're WAY WAY WAY over-analyzing everything.  You sound more like you're reading out of an anatomy textbook rather than talking about sex between two people....I would hope meaningful sex, being that you have a history with her.

I think you're paying too much attention to every little detail.  The best way to address any issue, including intimacy, is communication.  Now, a word of warning, IF you decide to have a conversation with her about it...I wouldn't approach it the way you did here...way too clinical.

I think you also have to work to get rid of a lot of your preconceived notions, about her anatomy, etc.  IMO, satisfying sex shouldn't be a lot of "work".  Two partners should be able to have a fulfilling sex life, as long as they're communicating with each other, and of course barring any major major relationship issues that already are a factor.

Perhaps 3 months with her seeing a man for 2 of those wasn't enough of a "break"?  How did you two get back together?  What did you do during the "break"?  

Good luck, hope it all works out.
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Avatar universal

Geesh...........how old are you?  Are you more worried about the sex then her in general?  

Definitely agree with the above posters...........you obviously lack tact and sensitivity.  You come across crass, rude and void of any empathy.

Why doesn't she consult a physician if this is such a big problem for her?

It is apparent you know very little about vaginas.  A vagina doesn't stay the same throughout a woman's entire life especially after having different partners.  Sounds like this other partner possibly was more well endowed than you in regards to "manhood."  

I definitely wouldn't recommend using no condom especially since this relationship has been a bit rocky.  USE a condom each and every time.  You don't need to compound all this with a baby on the way.

Lastly, work on your anxiety.  It is clearly not under control.
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Avatar universal
Surprisingly enough she never broke up with me because I'm an ******* sometimes. Hahahaha She's always known how to put me in my place.
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Avatar universal
I cried a lot.
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Avatar universal
You all are right. I apolized to her already about bringing this up so poorly and making it her problem rather than mine.
I thought of it as you said if she said my penis seemed smaller than usual and I should take growth pills. It's not fair to say those things unless one of us say them in a cautious and caring manner.
She wasn't mad when I brought it up, I and I thought it would be okay. I ended up being infatuated with the idea that the man she dated when we weren't together caused this. And if I'm truely going to be back with her I need to forgive her for anything with him anyways. I know it's not possible for him to have an effect and I let the myth get to my head because of how insecure I felt about him and myself being back with her so soon after.
She did get mad at me rightfully so because she was just trying to help me at first until I woudlnt **** up.

I appreciate you guys being no ******** on here. I showed the messages to her and she laughed at how you guys where much harder than her, but show just how absured my anxeiity can perpetuate made up issues.
I know I've had issues with anxiety that we have both worked on and it is sad that it came up again.

Though like any mistake II learned  how to bring up things that bother me and really think more rationally about them next time around.
She knows the only reason this happened was because I was worried about the man she dated inbetween our relationship. Im grateful for how understanding we are.

I should have told her I felt insecure. And I shouldn't have told her what to do. At most just carefully sujest ways to help as well.

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Wow, you're lucky she even speaks to you after you said that to her. If any guy ever said that to me I'd throw him out with the rest of the trash and I wouldn't wait for garbage day. That's extremely offensive and completely inappropriate for a guy to tell a girl. How would you feel if she criticized your penis and said you had to work on ways to make it bigger because it's way too tiny? Either you are very inexperienced in sexual matters or you're just rude. Regardless, if you were a good person you would apologize profusely to her for being so rude and insensitive and you would spend the rest of the relationship, however short it ends up being, making it up to her. To do anything less would be disrespectful to her and she deserves better than a guy who says such hurtful things about her body. I hope she will realize that she doesn't need to put up with a guy who says such mean things to her because there are plenty of guys out there who will treat her so much better than this.
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480448 tn?1426948538
" I told her that her vagina felt looser than usual and her vagina looks a bit droopy. "

Oh good gracious....I cannot think of anything more offensive that you could have said, truly.  I'm getting the feeling that YOU are more worried about her satisfaction than she is.  You even said yourself that she normally climaxes quickly.  You telling her what you did certainly isn't going to help her satisfaction in the bedroom.

I honestly think you're making a mountain out of a molehill.  I think your perception of her "droopy vagina" may also be way off.  Even women who give birth to many children don't usually have a noticeable change in their external genitalia.  The nature of the tissue pretty much allows for it to return to its normal state each time.  Any change would almost never be physically obvious to the eye.  If she doesn't get a complex about her private parts, you're going to be lucky I think.  Especially being that the two of you are "working on" ways to improve the tightness of her vagina.  Yeeeesh.

" She agreed was okay for me to do some research and help out the issue to see if anything would help"

"We are open to trying things to help her get some of her tightness back and get more sexual satisfaction back. "

I'm sorry, with all due respect....that's just kind of odd, and I would bet very very weird and awkward for your GF.  I think this is a hang up YOU have...and she's just going along with it....as I have a sneaking suspicion you can be quite persistent.  My advice to you plain and simple is to try to chill out, and quit looking at every detail under a microscope.  Your GF and her vagina are not a science project....you know?
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Avatar universal
I commented below sorry hahaha
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Avatar universal
We have talked about this issue. I told her it has felt different and I was upset that I wasn't sexually pleasing her as well as I used too. I told her that her vagina felt looser than usual and her vagina looks a bit droopy. We talked about it as she reassured how it was okay and sure that it was just about how we hadn't had sex in a while and that we just needed to be back to a normal emotional and physical state. I agreed with her as we told each other how much we love each other. She agreed was okay for me to do some research and help out the issue to see if anything would help. This is why I am here Hahahahaha.

This wasn't a break, we were split up even though we remained friends.

Our communication is incredibly strong and we have always had the strongest growth from one another.

Maybe I should have posted this in a sex forum. But I approxite the response. :)

We are open to trying things to help her get some of her tightness back and get more sexual satisfaction back.
We have loved each other for close to two years and have always valued our strong relationship when we were together. And now emotionally an even stronger one. I'm confident in our emotional status now I was just worried about our sex life.
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