Should I Break My Girlfriend's Heart/ Long Distance Relationship is Hard

[DietMrFizz]

I'm in college and my girlfriend and I met about 9 months ago. At first we started hooking up and going on dates, but I never thought it would get too serious. Eventually we did fall for each other and it got very serious.

Right now she is studying abroad internationally, and when she comes back I will have graduated school and probably move far away to a different city for a job. There is a chance that we might never be together again. Knowing this, I said we should see other people while she was abroad, and if our feelings were still strong when she got back then we'll take it from there. But we still do talk on skype and fbook chat almost every other day.

While she is gone, I have other admirers but have yet to go beyond a simple drunken make out sesh. Basically I want to know if I should just end the whole thing.

My girlfriend is the first girl i have ever loved and I do really like her. She is kind and nice and I know she will be a fantastic mother one day, but on the other hand I find her personality very boring. She never makes any jokes or the usual flirtatious banter, she always agrees with me, whenever I ask her what she wants to do or where she wants to eat, she always says "whatever you want, I don't care," whenever I ask about her thoughts on a theological, political, or philosophical idea she says "I dont know". I constantly have to drive the conversation and make things fun and entertaining.

Also, she is not even close to as attractive as other girls I've gotten with. She has said on occasion that I'm too "hot" for her. (sorry if I'm starting to sound like a *********, but I'm just giving the facts). It is possible that even after all these months she is still a little intimidated by me. But she is head over heals for me, she wrote me a long, touching and thoughtful letter professing her love for me. Also, I took her virginity and I know almost every girl gets too attached to the man that takes their virginity.

Basically, the advise I want to know is this: because I am in it for the long run and I really am looking for a life long soulmate, is it more important for a spouse to be loyal, loving, and kind, or is it more important for a spouse to be interesting and attractive?

Ideally, I want all of these things and I think it might be worth it to try and find a girl that is all of these things. But am I being too selfish? Why should I break my girlfriend's heart when she has done nothing wrong?

[cheshchesh819]

Just carry on with your future 9 months is not alot to give up all that.

[RockRose]

You're not a match.  After only 9 months with her,  you're bored.  She isn't a good conversationalist and isn't very exciting to be around.

This isn't about breaking up/not breaking up because she's done something "wrong".  This is about believing you were a good match but then after a little while realizing you aren't.  You don't owe it to a girl you date/have sex with to be with her forever.

However,  from her perspective,  women DO usually become very attached to guys they have sex with,  and in the future she might want to hold off until the guy is in love for real.

[AHP84]

Well, this is really entirely up to you. You've put yourself in a position in her life of extreme importance--as she most likely is very attached to you since you're her first. However, that doesn't mean that if you break her heart, she'll never move on. She will.
But the question is whether or not you really want to give up on the relationship so soon. Honestly, it doesn't sound like it has much going for it being long distance, with no hint of that aspect changing any time soon, and you being not entirely satisfied with the interaction you get from her.
I think it's important to look for all the qualities you describe above in a spouse--and it's your personal decision if you want to compromise any of them. But at the same time, you've only known her for nine months, which really isn't much time in the big picture to *really* get to know someone, especially since you both have been separated by distance for awhile. You can't get the quality of personal interaction with a person if they're not physically with you, so online conversations, webcams, and phone calls are obviously not going to cut it, as you can see for yourself. And like you mentioned, it doesnt' look as if this aspect of your relationship (the distance) is going to change anytime soon. You could give it time--but that's a lot of time to give before distance may not be an issue anymore.
It's really up to you. If you decide to break up with her, then yes, it may break her heart, and no, she did nothing wrong. Neither did you, though. You're both young and became involved with each other and attached before really thinking things through about your future together. That's not unusual for your ages. You get caught up in the moment and go with it, and before you know it, you find yourself involved with someone who, after awhile, isn't so great anymore. Not that there's necessarily anything wrong with them or you...it's just you find yourselves growing apart as you really get to know each other or circumstances come between you, or both.
I think if you do decide to break up with her, then just be honest, then let it go and move on. Like I said, she'll move on as well eventually.
I've been there before. It's not so great when reality hits you in the gut, but it's not the end of the world, either. Life moves on and presents plenty of other opportunities and blessings that, when you look back at what you thought you once wanted so badly, you think how glad you really are that it never came to be.

[sweetpea03]

I think you both have some growing up to do. End the relationship and really think about what you want in a life partner.