Should I be scared for the future ?

[Jennyoung17]

I am in my early 20's should I be scared for my future with my boyfriend he talks about getting married and I love that but I'm also scared things will change at the same time

[Nighthawk61]

I plugged in "Youtube How to Live in the Moment" for you. and listened to the first of two videos from Noah Elkrief. Honey. Look back on what you said, earlier. You said that you were worried that you were Ito get married, and then you and your bf would then have to make a decision as to where you were going to live and you were worried it might cause a divorce. I said to you then, that you shouldn't get married before having worked all that stuff out. That in the right time, you would work it out. We talked about a few possibilities. You two go to different towns for a long distance relationship for  a year before either of you deciding about a bigger move. Or you both starting out in NYC, for a time and then plan to move to Japan. The thing is that by you spending your time worrying about the future now, you are causing yourself undue stress and anxiety. If your bf is doing the same, thing, then multiply the stress times two. HOWEVER. if you can both learn to live in the moment, then not only will you both enjoy today, but you will be building a stronger relationship that down the road, when it I|S time to make decisions, you will have a solid happy relationship  that you will be making your plans for , rather than an exhausted stressful foundation. You don't want the latter. So please, try to learn how to live in the moment. I hope these videos can help you with your stress.

https://www.google.ca/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=youtube%20how%20to%20live%20in%20the%20moment

[Jill_23]

Things always change when you get married. If you're willing to work through the rough times you're going to go through, because not every marriage is perfect, then you're good.
Side note: don't worry about things that happen in the future, you can't control them anyways.

[Jennyoung17]

My parents are divorced their marriage only lasted 10 years I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years we are talking about getting married so by change I meant like I'm not sure if it will be harder or since my parents didn't last long enough maybe my marriage won't and I know I shouldn't base my relationship off theirs but im scared because I don't want things to be ruined between me and my boyfriend I just love him so much he's also my best friend and if I lost him it would hurt we have known each other since high school

[Nighthawk61]

If you're going to post secondary school, there may be a therapist available for you to talk to as well, included in tuition. Its really too bad that therapists are not under the umbrella of our taxes. It's not very humane that only people with money can talk to a therapist.

[Nighthawk61]

Just the fact that we live in a society where there are so many divorces is enough to scare any young person talking about marriage. There is risk in everything we do, like walking down the street. You need to learn to deal with your fears, and the best way i know of how to do that , is to find a good therapist with whom you have good rapport, and be mentored through the big things that will come up in your life. It doesn't mean that you have to see them all the time, but you can see them with a list of questions and see if you can gain insight, and take it with you and work on your life, Then get back to them down the road. They are highly educated in areas of relationships, and the good ones, can lay a few lines on you that can save you a lot of fear and heart ache.

Of course you can find mentors here, as well. Most of us have gone through what you're talking about. Here you might have to open a bit more though, for us to be able to help you. For instance, you talk about "change" and that's come from somewhere. Are you talking generally, that people change over time ? reading between the lines, are you saying that you have personally witnessed people change,that has affected you, or someone you know, and that's where you're fear comes from.?

From what you've said here, i don't see anything that would indicate that there's anything wrong with your relationship. Rather , am reading that you are having a problem trusting people. Is this as a result of your bf, or is it a result of something else.? It's hard for me to answer your question without more insight into your life. As Anniebrooke has said, it might be as a result of you not having a positive long term relationship modeled to you, and in that event, i say "travel wide" as Bob Marley would sing. Go and find a mentor that has the type of values that you would like to emulate. And an educated therapist sister type mentor could be just what you need.

We're here for you if you want to open up though, on this thread or by private message. Glad you made it here. Hope you stick around.

Liz

[AnnieBrooke]

If your gut instinct tells you something is not right, listen to it.  On the other hand, especially if you're not surrounded by people in positive relationships that have lasted a long time and make them happy, maybe you're just garden-variety nervous.