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Avatar universal

Should I be worried?

I have been married for 5 yrs. and I'm not going to make a long story, so I'll make it as short as possible. I've tried to do stuff with my husbands daughter, my step daughter. She doesn't like me, she has said it herself. Ok here's my problem. My husband and her have done stuff in the past that I found to be inappropriate, as in taking pictures with him directly behind her with his hands interlocked underneath the breast, strattling her in the snow. Just the other day she was wearing a bra and her dad was in her room, she made no efforts to cover up or nothing. When I have confronted my husband about the matter and told him how I feel about it, he tells me that either I'm jealous, I'm crazy, I need help, I need to get a second opinion, it's all in my head, or my all time favorite he's not saying nothing and fighting with them. But I think that if he loved me, because we took vows, he should have some respect for me to say hey, she finds this hurtful, let's respect her enough not to do it, or let's try to find a a way to compromise to make a way to fix the problem. Instead of brushing it off. But he refuses, he just says he's not fighting with them. What should I do, or what is your input on the matter?
8 Responses
973741 tn?1342346373
COMMUNITY LEADER
Ugh, are you asking if your husband is a pedophile having an incestuous relationship with his daughter?  You really think that?  It's not his daughter's fault that the relationship is like that . . .   she learned how to act around dad by . . .DAD.  This is the problem I see.  You view her as another woman in his life.  That's not really the case.  She's his child.  And if you were her mother, she'd be no threat to you whatsoever and if you thought he was inappropriately touching her, you'd be out of there to protect HER.  You married a man who has a close relationship with his daughter.  You find it too close.  You've vocalized it and he's said he isn't interested in changing or your opinion.  That's it.  You either get over it or move on.  That's hard and I'm not being unempathetic.  But I'm a mom of sons.  I'm really affectionate with them.  They are with me.  Some families are like that and it's not a bad thing.  But it makes you uncomfortable.  If it is because you think your husband is sexually attracted to his daughter, get out of there.  He's  a creep.  Call the authorities if she is a minor.  By the way, how old is she?  Do you feel insecure about your husband's love for you?  Just curious.  We ARE here to help so please do not take my post to be anything but wanting to help you resolve this.  
495284 tn?1333897642
You can be close to your kids but at least be dressed.  My dad would of never laced his fingers under my breasts or come into my room while i was in my bra, let alone stayed in there.  It is pretty common for a step child to not like the step parent.  They look at us like we destroyed their mom and dad's marriage.  It makes it even more difficult when the father doesnt help the situation out.  You have some decisions to make here, something only you can do.  I would be more concerned about their behavior together than her not liking you at this point.  That usually goes away after awhile.  How old is this girl?
1 Comments
I agree that I'd not want naked interaction between father and teen age daughter!  But I'd be mad at the dad involved.  I wouldn't see it as the child. I'd see that the child had been groomed for molesting by her parent. ugh.  I agree that this interaction is concern number one with whether or not the girl likes her step mom as number 2.  Hope they figure it out. Also wondering the girl's age.  10 is different than 25, right?  lol
Avatar universal
Front the beginning when her father and I got together her exact words was she didn't like me and she didn't care if I was with her dad, but she didn't want me and him kissing in front of her. This girl is now 19 years old. And this has been going on since she was 14. The pictures has been of him standing directly behind her with his hands interlocked directly underneath her breast, to strattling her in the snow, and flirt taps. The neighbors has told me that they act more as a couple type of thing more than daughter/ father relationship. When I address the situation at hand he is more worried about fighting with the family. He doesn't like it when she gets a bf, and so fourth. I can't just blame the father, because it's both parties. She makes points to do things inappropriate in front of him also. Their behavior together, just like I said, they act as if they were the ones in the relationship than hisself and I. She will make times when she tries to get him along in her room and when I come around she gets pissed and says I'm always up his ***. But really I'm not. I'm just standing inside his families home by myself alone. And that makes me feel uncomfortable, so I go stand at her bedroom door and she gets mad. She tries to be secretive all the time. He makes arguments so he can go to his families house when's she is over there, which he is more than welcome to go anytime, but he waits until a she's home to cause the argument like he has something to hide. When we argue, he tells me I'm jealous of her, and my exact words are, if there isn't anything going on what's there to be jealous of? And he's had me to dye my hair like hers, mentioned me to get boob enlargements like hers, etc. now someone I talked too, has told me that he must be fetishing over his daughter, to look into it. I don't know what to do? Any help..?
1 Comments
um, if I thought my man was encouraging the behavior and unhappy when his daughter had a boyfriend and touching her breasts, I'd be out of there. And ya, I'd blame him more than her as he is my partner and the parent.

I try not to be hopeless but this situation is not a great one.  You are describing a weird dad.  Which makes your husband weird.  That includes his actions AND his indifference to your feelings.

She was 14 when you got together.  I have a 14 year old myself.  NOT the most charming of ages for kids.  And there can be some territorial stuff on a kids part.  That's kind of human in my opinion. And then a parent sets the limits on it.  Five years later, it's the same.  Probably would be the same five years from now.  

He asked you to get a boob enlargement like hers and dye your hair like hers?  

Get out of there.  This is over the top and not something you should subject yourself to.  
495284 tn?1333897642
I am sorry you are going thru this first and foremost.  The more you told about this situation the sicker it became.  This behavior has been going on long before you entered the picture.  Any father who has feelings like this for his daughter needs serious help.  This is way too messed up.  I know it is hard to leave a situation but this one is not good and very unhealthy.  I know your self esteem is in question and that is normal.  Please look into some options for you.  Your husband is a very sick man.  I hope his daughter can get the help she needs from his emotional and physical abuse.  We are concerned for you so please stick around and keep talking to us~
2 Comments
But what the sad problem is, everybody in his family including him thinks it's fine and nothing is going on. They think it's normal. But is it?
I'm the step mom and she's the biological daughter and he's the biological father. Is what's bad.
495284 tn?1333897642
No that type of behavior is not normal.  It sounds like that family is very dysfunctional.  Do you have children of your own?
1 Comments
Yes I do. And I do not act that way around them or around my biological father. I have told my husband numerous of times I looks bad and then last night she walked right in front of him in her bra yet again and he seen her. And when we got home he said I haven't noticed anything until now, but I can't do anything about it, and he got real defensive with me.
973741 tn?1342346373
COMMUNITY LEADER
I still see a lot of focus on the daughter.  The issue is your husband.  I agree with Dominosarah's sentiments that leaving a relationship can be hard.  But I don't think I could be with a man who I feared had attraction to his daughter.  That's gross.  There's not really much more to say on my part.  Other than I would not continue to demonize the girl when it is her dad that continues participating.  He likely started it and he keeps it going.  Your man is the problem.  I too have empathy for you as it's really hard to acknowledge this and disrupt life in such a huge way to leave someone.  But I see no other way to resolve the issue.  good luck
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