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Should I confront the guy who cheated with my wife?
I know the guy who was cheating with my wife for 2 years. I could track him down easily and confront him. Should I do it?
COMMUNITY LEADER
Thank you for responding to the poster, however, they have not been here in a long time This post is an older post. Have a good day.
Well J.....
You know who he is so he knows you and that that's your wife he is -------. So what's to say. No I do not believe a confrontation with him is a wise decision.
My feeling would be if my partner could have an affair with someone who knows both of us ---then there is NO respect left. When you do not respect someone they are not worth the space they take up. I would not give either of them the satisfaction that this is the end of your world.
Total indifference is the best revenge...that and filing for divorce and giving her nothing--let him support her.....and I am a women. The way I see it when someone cheats on you something has gone wrong in your marriage and it could be both your faults--doesn't matter the trust is gone and so is the marriage.
P.S. maybe his wife would like to have an affair with you???--just a thought
I am truly sorry you are going through this . No one wants to be in this position. Good Luck!
CML
You know who he is so he knows you and that that's your wife he is -------. So what's to say. No I do not believe a confrontation with him is a wise decision.
My feeling would be if my partner could have an affair with someone who knows both of us ---then there is NO respect left. When you do not respect someone they are not worth the space they take up. I would not give either of them the satisfaction that this is the end of your world.
Total indifference is the best revenge...that and filing for divorce and giving her nothing--let him support her.....and I am a women. The way I see it when someone cheats on you something has gone wrong in your marriage and it could be both your faults--doesn't matter the trust is gone and so is the marriage.
P.S. maybe his wife would like to have an affair with you???--just a thought
I am truly sorry you are going through this . No one wants to be in this position. Good Luck!
CML
Both the other man and your wife must be assigned equal blame. The objective of letting the other man know how much pain that he caused you and your family is understandable. With that said, it is suggested that confronting the cheating man may cause your even more hurt. As in your case, this man was a coward and a liar. He refused to admit his duplicity. Other results of confrontation could include physical violence, being arrested, and being told sordid affair details involving the mother of your children. You may also be characterized as having deserved the cheating because you were less than adequate as a husband and as a man. None of the other guy's negative comments need to be true in order to rip a hole in your heart. Another outcome of the confrontation will be for the victim spouse to learn that the other man is still cheating and really does not have any conscious.
I have one last comment that is important to you moving forward in life. Hating the other man is self-destructive and will stop you from having future joy. You deserve better. Please consider seeking a conclusion to your angry feelings though church support or talk therapy. By submitting to the act of forgiveness, you will have given yourself the gift of lasting peace.
I have one last comment that is important to you moving forward in life. Hating the other man is self-destructive and will stop you from having future joy. You deserve better. Please consider seeking a conclusion to your angry feelings though church support or talk therapy. By submitting to the act of forgiveness, you will have given yourself the gift of lasting peace.
Disagree..guy knew there was a 3 year old daughter involved and rather than do the manly thing and that is stay on the sidelines and see if all results in a divorce and then step in and start a relationship. But by hooking up behind the other spouse's back is an F'n coward. If you want to take her out then walk up to the soon to be ex and look him straight in the face and say your going to date his wife...to do it on the side is being a punk of the lowest order and if he had respect for the woman he would have deferred until a divorce was in process or completed.
Thank you for all your comments. Keep them coming if you have more. For those of you who dont know, I am getting divorced. My wife has moved out, I have an attorney, etc...
I hold Karen primarily and mostly responsible. But nobody held a gun to Tony's head and made him do it. This took place over two years One time about a year ago I actually did confront him face on and accused him of cheating with my wife. He had the nerve to ask me what evidence I had. Since I only knew what my body was telling me and didnt have evidence at the time the a ss hole denied it.
What I want him to know is how much pain the affair has caused me and my daughter, and that it will continue to affect us for the rest of our lives. When I think about my daughter and what I wanted for her in life, the thought that this man has contributed in any way to hurt her or cause her pain is infuriating.
I want to tell him that his actions with my wife have changed our lives forever and that I will never forgive him for it. He is a bad person and that he will pay for this thru bad karma.
I hold Karen primarily and mostly responsible. But nobody held a gun to Tony's head and made him do it. This took place over two years One time about a year ago I actually did confront him face on and accused him of cheating with my wife. He had the nerve to ask me what evidence I had. Since I only knew what my body was telling me and didnt have evidence at the time the a ss hole denied it.
What I want him to know is how much pain the affair has caused me and my daughter, and that it will continue to affect us for the rest of our lives. When I think about my daughter and what I wanted for her in life, the thought that this man has contributed in any way to hurt her or cause her pain is infuriating.
I want to tell him that his actions with my wife have changed our lives forever and that I will never forgive him for it. He is a bad person and that he will pay for this thru bad karma.
My ex cheated on me constantly and I remember so vividly the time he called me from one of the girls' house. He wanted me to hear him trying to have sex with her. I remember the pain all too well and it's been about 10 years since that happened. I did actually get in a fist fight with another one of the girls he cheated on me with. I blamed them more than I blamed him because at the time I felt so disrespected that another woman would do that to me (the whole girl code thing that apparently doesn't exist). I would break up with him and a month or so later, get back with him only to find myself in the same position. After our final break up, he admitted to cheating on me with over 50 girls. I believe he is the reason I have HPV and may be facing a hysterectomy soon. I fought and fought for that relationship only to get shot down at every turn.
I totally understand where you're coming from. Been there, did it, and no regrets. Now, I don't suggest going and kicking his teeth in, but if you must confront him, I would suggest maybe doing it via email to avoid any physical altercations. You have things to get off your chest and that is completely understandable. Just don't get yourself thrown in jail over it! =)
I totally understand where you're coming from. Been there, did it, and no regrets. Now, I don't suggest going and kicking his teeth in, but if you must confront him, I would suggest maybe doing it via email to avoid any physical altercations. You have things to get off your chest and that is completely understandable. Just don't get yourself thrown in jail over it! =)
I actually had a couple confrontations with my fiance's wh ore. The first time when I found out about it and spoke to her. I was in shock so I just wanted to know if she knew about me, how long they were having an affair for, where they met and that's about all. The second confrontation was on her voicemail when she had attempted to call my fiance and he told her it was over. I told her that she was a homewrecking wh ore who now has her answer, that she was stupid to think he was ever going to leave me and I hope one day that she has a child with some man and he cheats on her with some sl ut so she knows how it feels. That my son deserves to have his father and to leave our family alone. That if she contacts him again she will have a fist in her face. But I really wished I could've said the last one directly to her and not on her voicemail.
I wanted to let the ***** know I was onto her. I left her a message on her machine and a text on her cell both saying the same thing, She told my husband at work I contacted her I wanted to let her know how much their actions hurt not just me but our children and asked her what kind of example she was setting for her daughter. Another co- worker said it freaked her out, She will not even look me in the face when we run into one another now,
To confront the nasty sk*nk my husband "isn't" seeing anymore or not has been on my mind a lot recently. My natural instincts say "yes, do it!!" I took her phone number and address out of his wallet, so I would know how to get ahold of her or find her. But, what would I do then?
If your confront this guy, just out of curiosity, how would you do it? What would you say? That is what I can't figure out, there are so many things I would like to say to her (for one that she knew I was pregnant) but I don't want to look like a fool. I all ready feel enough like a fool.
I think in the end you should decide not to confront this other man. I know you think it would make you feel better now, but take the high road and don't drag yourself down anymore with their sleazy crap. Karma has a way of biting people in the a** so just have the comfort of knowing that they will both get theirs someday. Good luck!
If your confront this guy, just out of curiosity, how would you do it? What would you say? That is what I can't figure out, there are so many things I would like to say to her (for one that she knew I was pregnant) but I don't want to look like a fool. I all ready feel enough like a fool.
I think in the end you should decide not to confront this other man. I know you think it would make you feel better now, but take the high road and don't drag yourself down anymore with their sleazy crap. Karma has a way of biting people in the a** so just have the comfort of knowing that they will both get theirs someday. Good luck!
She knows what she did... he knows what he did... so, you confront him and, for what?
an explanation? an apology? a fist-fight? I vote, no confrontation. Don't waste another moment of time and energy on this.
an explanation? an apology? a fist-fight? I vote, no confrontation. Don't waste another moment of time and energy on this.
NOOO.
That wasn't an option...So I'm writing it down here. I think that's just asking for trouble. Confront your wife instead......
And, I'm sorry that you are having to go through this.
That wasn't an option...So I'm writing it down here. I think that's just asking for trouble. Confront your wife instead......
And, I'm sorry that you are having to go through this.
If I confronted a man who my wife was cheating with the first word out of my mouth would be "How does that taste" after I knocked him out. So trying to be wise is why I said no confronting him.
Yeah, I'm not about physical altercations....I mean I would definitely want to but in this day and age you get arrested and charged with assault. So they only type of confrontation you can do is either email or phone call. But I agree with Dazon, you may get him being an ahole to you and telling you things to egg you on even more. Some people are just cruel. So be prepared for the worst. I also thought of the writing a letter and burning it scenario. But again, that means you won't be receiving any type of closure. How I got my revenge was I put up the woman my fiance cheated on me, on a don't date this girl website. It not only got my anger and frustration out but it also let everyone know what type of human being she was. If you google her name the link comes up...lol. Don't mess with me!
COMMUNITY LEADER
I guess I see it that the person is slime but they owe me nothing. My spouse did.
If it were my husband cheating on me, after confronting him you can bet your but I'd confront her. So I vote yes. Don't make it a knock down drag out fight, but ask why. Why be with someone who is supposed to be committed to another person? That would be my real reasoning for confronting the person...getting answers.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I'm a definately not. Confronting . . . well, that is never a good thing. Two men confronting one another over one cheating with the other's spouse can end ugly and you could wind up doing something you shouldn't. Next thing you know, there is a police report.
It is not the other person's fault. Your wife is to blame. Figure out what to do there as that is the priority.
Sometimes we are mad at the one our significant other cheated with because we can't be mad at our loved one. That hurts too much and means we have to act on it. So we direct the anger at the one they cheated with. Granted you can be mad-------- but it should be secondary to the fury you feel torwards your spouse.
We all have dreams of telling the other one off---------- write it out in a letter and burn it. Tell him off in the shower. But don't "confront" him. good luck
It is not the other person's fault. Your wife is to blame. Figure out what to do there as that is the priority.
Sometimes we are mad at the one our significant other cheated with because we can't be mad at our loved one. That hurts too much and means we have to act on it. So we direct the anger at the one they cheated with. Granted you can be mad-------- but it should be secondary to the fury you feel torwards your spouse.
We all have dreams of telling the other one off---------- write it out in a letter and burn it. Tell him off in the shower. But don't "confront" him. good luck
I'm with mami. While your wife is the one who said vows to you, the other guy isn't innocent either and since he knew she was married and knew you, heck yeah I'd say something! I wouldn't say that if the guy didn't know but since he did, it's his turn to have his life turned upside down!
It depends on what kind of closure you are seeking and hope to accomplish. Do you want him to squirm and be aware of his part in the situation in causing pain?
Will it make you feel better to confront him?
Will it be a way of letting go?
Would you be ready if he turned around and lamblasted you with the faults he perceived you had that led to your wife not being content with you?
Will it make you feel better to confront him?
Will it be a way of letting go?
Would you be ready if he turned around and lamblasted you with the faults he perceived you had that led to your wife not being content with you?
I would but that is me. I mean he knows what he was doing. He knew about you. I confronted well via phone, the woman my husband was cheating with. It helped me deal with things a bit better. But confront once and let it go.
Maybe I'm the odd one out here but I think you should tell the guy's girlfriend. It's hard not to tell the person who helped sabotage your life nothing at all. I mean, yes, his wife had the obligation to him but this man isn't innocent at all. He knew they were married, he aided in the demise of the relationship. If he was a real man, he would've said, nope you're married and I can't go there. Plus the fact that he knew him, that's dispicable in my eyes. I always regret not saying more to the woman who cheated with my fiance. I didn't get everything off my chest and still 2 years later, wish I had gotten it all out.
I often see people blame the other person in the affair...you know what who cares if you know this guy or what he did. He doesn't owe anything to you, but your wife does. I say leave the guy alone.
probably not. I don't think anything good can come of it, and it's best to move on and leave what happened in the past.
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