Should I leave my husband if I'm in love with another man?

[jaysgirl0703]

I have been seeing a 30 year old guy for nearly 6 months now behind my husbands back and I am 23. I have a child and my husband is a great man, father and husband but I just don't feel and havent felt the love between us even before I met this man. I have tried to avoid see this guy but there is just something that comes over me to draws me to keep seeing him and makes me crazy about him. I feel more of a connection with him on so many different levels than with my husband. And I have tried to tell my husband sooo many times that I just don't love him and don't want to be with him. But he is so in love with me and thinks everything is great between us. But its not great, there are times where is does get controlling, he spends to much and doesn't work. He has always been honest with me in the past and has told me when he has cheated on me with different girls, and I know what I'm doing is NOT exceptable but I want to know should I tell him I'm cheating or WHAT SHOULD I DO??? I know that if I were to tell him he would throw it out of proportion  because he does have anger management problems, and tell my family, my child down to road once my child gets older. And yeah your probaly thinking they do deserve to hear what a lying cheater I am but then again they don't need to be in my business.

[specialmom]

You've posted on the end of a post that is FOUR years old.  You'll get more thoughts on what you've written by starting your own post by going to the top of the page and hitting ask a question/the green box.

Sadly, you've doomed any chance of the relationship with the new man by starting it before you properly left your current one.  The statistics on a relationship making it that starts through infidelity say basically, it won't last long.  Too much baggage.  AND, no one ever trusts the other entirely because now they know what they are capable of.  You might get  bored wtih HIM and then find some guy to have on the side.  Or he might do it to  you.  That's the reality.  It's obviously not out of the rhealm of things you would do . . .  so it could always happen again to him.

Also, the forbidden fruit is why sex is often better with a lover than your husband.  It's become a cliche and the theme of many a movie that once you are truly free . . .  he won't be as interesting or fabulous to you nor you to he.

My suggestion is that you break it off immediatly with the lover. And then if you have tried all you can to make this relationship work---  but it won't then to leave it and live ON YOUR OWN with no man for a year or so and THEN maybe look for someone decent to try to have a relationship with.  Going from man to man is never a good idea.

So, that is my frank advice to you.  good luck

[hbomb12]

well I am pretty much in the same boat as the woman above. I do love my husband and he is a wonderful father. and a great provider. But I am not in love with him. and I haven't been in a long time. I have been seeing another man on and off for the past 2 yrs. And it is true love,  he is my soul mate. At first I was  skeptical because it was new and thought maybe it was lust. But the feelings haven't faded not even a little bit. I could just lay in his arms for the rest of my life and be the happiest most content person on earth. But the only thing is we have 2 little girls and i don't have a college education. And therefore have never held down a real job. And i am going to be honest, I am scared to death to be own my own. I have never taken care of myself, you know money!! and the man I'm in love with cannot provide the lifestyle my children and i have come accustomed to. And that sounds like the most selfish, golddigging thing ever. It's just the cold hard truth. So what do I do live in a loveless sexless marriage or put on my big girl panties and take a risk on true freaking love. Something that i was convinced I would never experience. How do you let that pass you up. And did i mention its the best sex i have ever had in my life!!!!!

[Denya]

I think your marriage has been over from the first time your hubby put his thingy in another women... and that is enough said!

[jkjess08]

my opinion is to leave your husband if you dont have feelings for him. My dad stayed with my mom till i graduated high school and packed his things on graduation day...i pray that your a little more considerate then he was but dont just stay with him for financial stability or because of your child...it will only turn out bad in the end....best of luck to you

[teko]

Is your boyfriend married also?  Is your child a boy or girl?  You keep talking about how you FEEL.  Have you thought about the consequences your actions will have on your child? Now and down the road?  Or does the childs needs come secondary to your feelings? You are only 23 years old and need to seriously think about how your actions will affect the future of yourself, your child and even this boyfriend that you have been cheating with.  You need to get out on your own and experience taking care of yourself, paying your own bills and raise your child.  In time you will come to know more about what you want out of life and in the duration, will not ruin the life of your child in the process.

[BabyHardiman]

What a sad unhealthy relationship.  Misery loves company.  

I am guessing here, but the other guy only "drives you crazy" because you are enjoying the thrill of the chase.  

Does it excite you to know that you are cheating on your husband?  You probably find yourself day dreaming about the other guy while having "family time".  

You both have cheated on each other.  I question why he has anger issues. . . is this your first time having an affair?

[angelica122]

tht new man came close to u coz u didnt find love in ur house frm ur man.. d first thing u shud do instead of takin an extreme step go ahead n talk wid ur hubby.... its high time u shud talk to ur hubby tht u r not happy n dnt feel luved or d passion... theres always a solution to problems instead of running frm them....
n i donno how is ur relationship wid d other man but i wud say its illusion not luv... coz u r attracted to him juz because ur feel detached frm ur hubby!!!

[babypooh]

You should leave your husband because it is infact a bad relationship as the other ladies have said.  You have some blame here too, as you already know and you want to leave your husband to be with your boyfriend?  If you do that, please be very careful around your son.  Your son is used to seeing his father, not your boyfriend.  The separation would be hard on  your child and seeing another man with you would be confusing.  If you leave your husband, take that time and spend it with your child.  Then somewhere down the line if you're sure this other guy loves you and would care for you and your child, then introduce them and see him once in a while so that your child will get used to the new man in  your life.  Take it little by little.  When we become mothers, we have to think more of our children than ourselves no matter how much we like/love a man.  Especially if it's not the child's father. It's really up to you if you want to be honest with your husband about the reason you're leaving him.  If you think that he would hurt you or your child perhaps it would be best to leave when he's not home or in a public place.  Hope everything turns out ok.

[momagain59]

Yes, you should leave your husband. No, not to be with the other guy. You need to be by yourself and figure out what you want out of life. Your child doesn't need to know about this other guy. Your current husband doesn't work, spends too much, has anger problems and is controlling. Do you have any faults?

[Sunes]

What my question is??? would this other man marry you ? or he is just involved with you because you are married and for sex.... once you leave your husband he will have to care for you and your child...think about that! before you make your decision.
Some man are like that they like to have only fun without too much obligation.

[April1113]

I agree with Cootos, make sure what you are feeling for this other guy is actually real not just infatuation.  Who's to say after you break it off with your husband for this other guy you arent going to feel the same way about him.

[Cootos]

From your post it seems the relationship you are currently in is has been unstable since the beginning..he's cheated...admitted to it...but cheated, there's anger issues...your cheating.....your still cheating.....your mind seems pretty set with this other man..therefore from a childs point of view...you both are setting a horrible example as parents....you should tell your husband what an unfaithfull wife you've been since he had the decency to tell you when he cheated....basically your current realationship is a joke and I hope for the childs sake your "new" man and you actually last and the cheating stops. Ohhh ya one thing to really think about....are your feeling REALLY love or is it just the attention and lust that's overwhelming you???