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Avatar universal

Should I leave or Stay

I'm 19 and my Gf is 18 and we have been together for five years. She is the first girl I have had sex with and have felt truly in love with. Year two of us dating she moved about two hours away to live with her mom. We decided we would stay together and do a long distance relationship. During this time I saw her every other weekend. With very little sexual contact I began to watch more and more porn until I developed an addiction.She found out and I lied to her about the porn. This happened two more times until she gave me the option to stop or if she found out again she was gone. Since then she has forgiven me but she can not forget and for the longest while she had no trust in me whatsoever. I graduated High School last year and moved in with her. however since then the sex life has taken a nose dive and we rarely have sex, mabye once a month. Also the area she moved to has much of nothing to do. You have to drive 30 mins to the nearest town that has restaurants and shops. I have really missed my home town where there are numerous things to do. When we fight it is cussing and throwing up dirt in each others face each and every time. That has been how we always fought and we both know that needs to change. We both recognize that there are things we both need to change in ourselves for this relationship. However through all the fighting I do not know if this relationship can be saved. Should i stay down here with her and work on us, or move and end us? Thanks to all the replies.
8 Responses
973741 tn?1342342773
Hi there and welcome.  Well, you really don't sound happy.  I'm sorry about that.  Is it worth it?  When fighting dominates things and gets so dirty and ugly, I think that a relationship may have run its course.  Do you feel a sense of relief at the thought of moving back?  If so, go with it.  Know you'll be sad in the process but relationships aren't supposed to be THIS hard.  good luck
3060903 tn?1398565123
I think that you and she should discuss therapy together. Many relationships, especially young people, can benefit by way of a mentor in their relationship. As far as where you're living, that's not set in stone, and if you two are working on your relationship, its not a stretch that you might move to somewhere different where you can both be happy.

it's up to you to decide if you want to give it  "a good college try" or not.
134578 tn?1602101550
In my opinion, all you can look forward to is more change as you grow and mature.  Trying to stick with a relationship that began before you finished high school throughout all the changes you will naturally experience in the next 5 years is tough.
Avatar universal
I think you should move and end things.
Avatar universal
I do feel relief at the thought of moving back, however I do not really see myself with another girl as i do feel strongly for her and I would hate to move and end things and that be the wrong choice.
Avatar universal
Have you had an experience similar to this or know someone who did? I would hate to move and end it and that end up being a mistake.
Experience with this?  Well, I've been here long enough on this earth to recognize patterns and know when a relationship isn't going to last.  I've experienced this and many, many others I know or have known.  This situation is nothing new under the sun.

You and your gf are still very young, so chances are this isn't the love of your life.  Fighting and throwing dirt in each others' faces, porn, lack of sex and living unhappily in a dead-end town would indicate this relationship isn't the best thing for YOU.  

I would suggest you work on you without a gf and back in a town that can offer you more.  

Maybe you need to be thinking more about "you" then "we" at this time?
Avatar universal
The fact you've gone through all this for/with her says a lot. I've been in a similar situation, & I left. The guy followed me eventually.  1 Thing I've learned about relationships over time, is that, if it's worth it-for both of you-you'll wind up back together eventually. The main concern is whether you're strong enough to change the destructive patterns you've fallen into. This should be the best time in your LIFE sexwise, & you're ALWAYS deprived?
If you love her, YOU stop the sex & focus on going to relationship therapy together.
If she's not willing to do that, NOTHING will ever change, for sure,& you will remain miserable. There's plenty of time for that when you're old & dying.
You sound like the one always following her. See if she's really that in2 you by insisting on healthy change!
There's a lot of others girls in the world,& the 1x a month sex deal at THIS AGE?
973741 tn?1342342773
Hi.  It does often take time to get over someone.  It really does.  It's best to get really busy, don't date anyone for a bit, and work on yourself when a break happens.  It hurts but ultimately, you have to pick someone that you will be happy long term with and that is the hard thing---  when you have problems like you describe, it's hard to keep that going forever.  Finding a better suited partner down the road is motivation to let go of someone you care about now.  

I've cared about old boyfriends.  Loved them dearly when we were together.  BUT, I love my husband now and do not regret one second of ending those earlier relationships.  We learn from them.  And that person will always be special.  We just may not be a right fit with them.  goodluck
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