Hi, this is my first post ever here. My name is Rudi and my girlfriend’s name is Veronica (both are phony names… but wtv). Anyway I come from Peru and I have always wanted to go back to Germany, cause I did an exchange year there, when I was 18 (I’m currently 26). I'm a filmmaker and I am into history, geopolitics, cinema (obviously) and languages. You guys could call me a nerd, or a geek, but I’m basically the kind of guy that would like to talk hours about the current situation in Iran and its possible implications in the entire world politics, or how did the roman empire fell and the ethnic origin of the various barbaric tribes that led it to its demise (yeah… a geek). I don’t consider myself a genius AT ALL (as a matter of fact, I suspect that I may have a normal or even lower IQ), but I am aware that I am a bit of a bookworm.
I have currently a long distance relationship with Veronica.
I love her. She’s sweet, kind, loyal, sexy and I think that if I ever marry her, she’d be an awesome wife and mother.
Nevertheless after so much time, I’ve noticed that she isn’t exactly well-read. As a matter of fact, she doesn’t even have a clue about the world.
The only thing that she ever talks about, that has my entire interest is “The Banquet” by Plato. But that’s it. I mean literally THAT’S IT. She doesn’t know anything about what is the difference between left and right in politics. The only thing she knows about Germany is its Nazi past and I don’t mean like “to know” in the sense that she knows about it, I mean that she has a VERY SUPERFICIAL knowledge about it, while claiming that she’s all into it! Like if I told you that I am into the history of the USA and then tell you that George Washington was a football player at the latest Super Bowl. Or if I were to tell you that I love Australia, because it has kangaroos and dildos… I mean dingos… I’m sorry, how is it spelled?
You get my point.
Let me clarify that she is not stupid. She’s a good student, she ambitious and she is a talented dancer and actress.
But having a conversation with her most of the time just wears me out. I feel so ******* bored.
She only speaks about her daily life and she is sooooo tedious. Goddamit, call me crazy, but when I talk to someone, I like to learn new things. I like to debate. To put my ideas into question.
Or at least she eagerly pretends she likes it. And that is what bothers me the MOST.
I have the feeling that she’s doing everything she can to make this work.
Everytime that I try to talk about a topic that is interesting to me I do most of the talking, because she doesn’t have an idea of what I am saying.
We can never exchange ideas about cultural differences, history or the political situation in our countries. We can never talk about philosophy, besides the book that I mentioned.
I sometimes feel, that she is not curious about learning as I am.
Like I said I am not a genius, but I do like to enjoy a good conversation once in a while, that’s not about the vegetables that I bought from the grocery store. Yes, I can have small talks and I do like to gossip talk with her about our friends. Yes, I do enjoy “normal” conversations.
Thing is, that having “normal conversations” 24/7 annoys me.
I am starting to think that we are not compatible at all, even though she’s an actress and I am a filmmaker. I always think, that maybe I think all this because I am an egotistical spoiled little brat.
But, I think about leaving her constantly. Constantly.
It isn’t because we are in a long distance relationship. I don’t mind not touching her, since I was a loner during my entire school life.
But not being able to connect with her intellectually, frustrates me.
Worst of all, she has started taking notice of this.
Most of our conversations are like this:
Me: “Hi sweety”
Her: “Hi baby, I’ve missed you so much!”
“Me too! How’s it rolling?”
“Well I’ve done this and this and this (5 min monologue about her daily life).”
“Ah, cool I guess”.
“How about you?”
“I learned about the Walkmann Effect and how it relates to a speech delivered by a slovenian philosopher bla bla bla”.
“Oh, that’s so fascinating”.
“Yeah, that made me think about how my cousin likes to play pokemon. He’s so cute. You know tomorrow is gonna be his birthday. I’m thinking about the cake. Mmm chocolate or maracuja cake?”
“Ahm… I dunno”.
“Chocolate! I love chocolate, you know why I love chocolate bla bla bla (talks something mundane for the next 20 min)”.
“Well… ahm… (I pause because I don’t remember any of the mundane things of my everyday life that I could give a damn about and also because I don’t know, if I should talk her about how impressed I was by a byzantine mosaic hanging on the wall of my university hall because: a. she doesn’t really care and b. I don’t like being the only one talking about it)”.
“Ahm… you know, if you don’t wanna talk to me that’s fine. Let’s talk later”.
“No, it’s just that… (I pause because, I don’t know what to talk with her)... ahm… well… ahm (should I talk to her about the different living standards for women in the middle eastern countries? nah, she doesn’t care)... ahm (maybe if I talk about the romance languages? nah, she couldn’t care less)... well… ahm”.
“Look, I’ll call you later. I’m tired that you think I’m stupid”.
“No baby, it’s just that”.
“Bye! (she hangs up)”
(I feel like a douche)
I love her. She’s an amazing person. I feel I am a very lucky guy for being with her. But she drains me completely, when I try to have an interesting conversation with her. I can’t discuss ANYTHING with her. Not even movies! She is only interested in romantic comedies, mostly from bollywood, whereas I tend to watch everything from slashers to soviet slap stick comedy animation for children.
I must admit that if I were to recommend her to watch a classic film she would watch it.
And yes, she is eager to learn new things.
But, what bothers me is that I suspect that she is only eager to learn new things in order to make me feel that she is interested in learning, and therefore stay with me. Don’t misunderstand me, she loves me, just as I love her, but I guess we are not exactly compatible.
Normally I wouldn't ask for advice on the internet. Could you please give me some advice?
Maybe me and Veronica, could work this out. Maybe you guys have been through this. This is my second relationship and it is my longest so far. If there is an answer to my current predicament, I would like to know it. Breaking up with her would hurt us both, a lot.
Is there an answer?