Should we split up HELP?

[tomwaites]

Hi.
I really need some advice from someone that is or has being in my shoes.

I have a girlfriend of 6 years and a beautiful son who is 2.7, me and my girlfriend argue nearly everyday, we share a house together, here are the problems:
We dont have sex
She doesnt want another kid with me
She says she doesnt love me
She something hits me with knife when I annoy her, and is leaves marks
She kicks and punches me when I annoy her
She shows no love towards me
She says if she found someone else she would leave me

Thing is:
I want to see my son every day and I dont want anyone taking my place hence I put up with this.

What should i do?

Thanks

[SeriousSam]

         Are you sure about FL laws.  Last I heard Florida was one of the states mothers would go to hide if they lost custody?  I thought you needed to be married to have rights there.

But overall you are right.  Our country often goes so far in one direction to correct a problem that they end up forgetting what the original problem was (is)

[teko]

Does your state have shared parenting? Where I live, there is no custody for any one parent unless one of them is unknown or not in the childs life. Is that a possibility for you? Might be an option if you are listed as dad on the BC. Some states are mother states, others not so much. Check what the laws in your state are.  I agree if you are not married, the other might not be a good idea. Gosh it just makes me so mad to hear of situations like this. I think the laws need revised for the current times we live in. Where there is a will there is a way, it is just a matter of finding it.

[mami1323]

I have to agree with Sam, if you aren't married, the child will automatically go to the mother.  Unless of course you can prove her to be unfit and neglectful or show that she will cause harm to her child.  Very hard to prove.  Just because she is abusive towards you doesn't mean she is to her child.  Document everything....I hope a judge does see your side.

[SeriousSam]

The laws in  most states, if they are not married, automatically default custody to the mother no matter what.  The judge will have the excuse of just following the law as the path of least resistance, if she is as you describe she pretty much has you over a barrel unless you get married.  The position of judge is not one of ability but rather a reward for political favors given ones affiliation with a party.

[Ashelen]

Very encouraging remark there, Sam :P.

But really, I agree. you're going to be fighting an uphill battle for custody and rights, but honestly...it's worth it. this situation sounds incredibly dangerous and destructive to yourself and your son. do what it takes to get at least majority custody....there ARE some judges out there who will favor justice and not just maternal custody...I hope you find one :(.

[SeriousSam]

In most states you have no rights even with an order of protection towards your child.  I am generally against doing something this underhanded but ask her to marry you.  The length of time doesn't matter.  Document all time with your kid.  Also if you do get an order of protection after that make sure it includes protecting your kids from her.  And if you do go through one of the "crisis centers" that get your tax money and are supposed to help you double check the paperwork.  Just because they are "helping you" means nothing they just don't want to lose their grants by displaying sex bias.

If you want more info.  write me directly I have been through the whole "take the abuse to protect the kids thing"  and maybe you can learn from my experience.

You have just walked past the gates labeled “Lasciate ogni speranza voi ch'entrate “

[teko]

Here is what you do. This sounds evil but may be your only recourse. Next time she kicks, punches, hits you with a knife and there are marks as a result! Call 911. They will make her leave the premises. But you should file charges and have this documented and then file for custody of your child. In cases of domestic violence you should have no problem. But you definately need out and who is to say she would not turn her anger onto your child? Or,  If you leave, take the child with you and make her take you to court to get him back. Then get a lawyer!

[specialmom]

I understand your fear.  The US court system is biased towards mothers and you need a good case to get custody.  Start building your case.  Document everything.  A picture is worth a thousand words--------- so make sure you have both.  A tape recorder, a video camera, whatever it takes to show her violent side.  Be careful though as then she may start documenting your actions as well.  

This is tricky stuff.  Clearly she is dangerous and this is not a good environment for you or your child but you need to set the stage to keep your son with you or at least have 50/50 custody.  

Do you have the ability to start consulting with an attorney?  I'd consider it a wise investment to get a plan together.  A tumultuous home is good for no one.  

Good luck

[mami1323]

She is verbally, emotionally and physically abusive.  I also agree, next time she hits you, call the cops.  You should keep all records and try to get custody of your son.  This is not healthy for your child.  She is not healthy for your child.  Good luck.  I wish there were domestic violence shelters for men as well as for women.  

[penswriter]

i agree with imanaddict and beargizmo...you need to get out of that relationship. get custody of your son and don't look back. she is a dangerous woman and if your not around to be her punching bag who would be? your son. start documenting everything. photos, police reports, even think about getting a voice recorder and taping what she says. get as much proof as possible

[PromisedLand]

And DON'T let her get custody of that child.

[PromisedLand]

Definitely file charges..hitting you with a knife and leaving marks is assault not to mention putting you and your son in danger...get yourselfs or her out of that house and get the police involved.  I'd consider this relationship OVER.


Jim

[imanaddict]

It sounds as if you need to get your son and get out of that situation! Your girlfriend sounds dangerous and if she is hitting you with a knife, you should call the police and file charges! Your first priority is protecting your child and yourself!