Snooping

[33159813]

What are your thoughts on it? I've found things before from a girl texting my boyfriend, so I checked his facebook. It's from march but he lied to this girl saying me & him weren't speaking at the time & asking her to hang out. Like what the heck-_- me & him weren't having any problems at all. He
lied saying he had to go home but was texting this girl asking to hang out, late at night might I add. He deleted this message (I know its bad but I snooped a month ago & it wasn't there) I want to confront him. Especially Since it's the same BS he did with another girl a few months back. advice?

[TTinKKerBBell]

I  never understand this "snooping" thing.  

If I were to look at my Husband's (whatever), (we don't do facebook but we do have e-mail, etc., etc.) or if He were to look at mine, or my journal, or my cell phone or were I to look at His cell phone - well, neither of us would ever consider this "snooping".   If Your Life Together is an Open Book, if No One has secrets or nothing to hide, well then, there is just simply no such thing as "snooping".

My opinion:  He would only call it "snooping" if He is hiding something,  and if that's the case, You would be making a mistake not to "inform" YourSelf in any way that is available to You. (keyword: "inform" -  NOT "snoop")

[Londres70]

I have a saying.....here goes:

If you have to snoop on a man you don't have a relationship, well at least one worth while.  NO trust=NO relationship............  



What kind of life do you have if you have to take all your waking hours worried about what he is doing and checking on him?  That's no life.

I feel when you have a healthy connection with someone the need for snooping is nonexistent.  

You have confirmed he is a liar, so what other evidence do you need?

[RockRose]

I don't think you should "try to believe him",  I think you should be focused on trying to learn the truth.  When we come up with a conclusion that we want,  and try to make all the clues fit that conclusion,  it takes forever to act on what we already know but just don't want to do anything about.

He's either cheating,  or he's trying to cheat but hasn't found a willing woman.  He's sure trying,  though.

Don't feel guilty about snooping.  It's your RIGHT to know what this man is doing,  you're thinking of marrying him and right now you're carrying his child.  You have a right.

Just like a parent has a right to look through their children's things,  you have ever right to access to his phone,  facebook,  and whatever else he's doing.  This isn't like snooping through a co-workers purse or a roommate's journal.  What he does, is your business.  And don't let him guilt you into thinking it's not.

[GordonBaby]

Sounds shady to me.....

[33159813]

Idk, he didn't seem like he had done anything wrong. Last time he knew he had reason to apologize & listen to me talk but this time it was a way different story. It doesn't all make sense to me
but I'm trying to believe him while also letting him know not to mess with me lol

[halerz90]

I snooped on my ex and that's just it, he's now  my ex. He was texting /facebooking other girls and eventually he ended up cheating. I've never felt the need to snoop around on my husband. I trust him 110%. I guess it helps we share a phone and he doesn't have a fb but I let him on mine to play games lol. I feel like if you have to snoop on them then they're probably not right for you. He needs to grow up and realize he has bigger responsibilities now, and if he can't do that I'd tell him to hit the road.

[mamaof4410]

We teach people how to treat us is what I believe. Guys cheat because we allow them to. My husband cheated on me numerous times before I said I was done. I left and that's what it took to get him to change. BUT it doesn't excuse what he's doing. I would've went off lol. He needs to be confronted about it and he needs to realize its not ok. Your pregnant and its not only disrespectful but it makes us women look stupid. That was the hardest part for me. Mine was over there telling another girl that he keeps telling me to leave and I won't. But he was living in my house! This was almost 8 years ago now its almost 11 years and I couldn't ask for a better husband. Hope it all works out for you. And if possible eliminate Facebook. All it does is create drama. I don't have one neither does my hubby and it juat makes things easier. Good luck

[MommyTOOBe13]

Wow , i only snooped on my boyfriend once and thats when i found out he was cheating on me , i handled the situation pretty good , but since were all pregnant we have to be careful how we approach people , especially when were angry or upset . Good luck hun .

[maybaby2013]

Just read all ur posts there. Now im wonderin how u got on? Sounds very like my ex. I used to snoop wen u could with him and ALWAYS found stuff i shouldnt hav. He was a nightmare. We eventualy broke up bcos his pal had posted pics of him lyin on top of another girl and kissen her. So that was th last straw. He got married shortly after we broke up.. And not to th girl in th pics. Hes now devorced and with someone else who fell pregnant shortly after bein with him. I think i got a lucky exscape. My bf im with now iv snooped once or twice and can say i found nothin. He gives me no cause to snoop u trust him 100% and never thot i would feel like that again. Hope it went well with him.

[estela92]

Aww im sorry. try not to get too mad

[33159813]

He just got here. Not sure when to say something or how to bring it up. Gonna be a long night for me.

[estela92]

Thats definitely not right. Omg thats horrible that he didnt tell u about this when yal wer working things out. but u know what guys will usually not admit to anything on their own. He thought he wasnt gona get caught so why would he snitch on himself u know?

[33159813]

That's what I did last time & the girl was all mad at me hah. That ended horribly & I must have let him off too easily if he decided to keep this from me. Our fight about the last girl was April, but this current situation happened in March, so I'm just wondering why he wouldn't tell me since we had talked about it so much. Idk I do need him in my life but right now I wouldn't mind putting things on hold, at least for a start. I feel like I'm going to start this confrontation calmy & end it with screaming about everything else he's been doing. I'm just tired of being walked on. I'm giving him my all & he gives me parts of him, when it's convenient. Just isn't right.

[katngary143]

I mean I would call the gurls I have done it in the past and I got my answers that I needed its not necessarily the girls fault so u cant be mad at he since its your man that is trying to persue everything but ya if u want some answers go to the source which is her...and after that drop his booty bc u have to worry about u and the baby

[33159813]

I really hope you are too:/ he's out with people from work at the moment & i might not see him til tomorrow, I'm feeling surprisingly cavalier about it, usually I'd freak out, especially with these hormones, so I'm hoping he does come tonight while I'm calm & have the good lines in my head I've rehearsed since I read the messages lol.

[estela92]

Wow what a *******. ur pregnant and hes still doing that bs? dont feel bad about snooping everybody does it and if they dont they probably should. i love and trust my hubby to the fullest but i have full access to all of his stuff just like he has to mine. but if hes actually hanging out wit these girls telling them yal aren't together im almost sure other stuff is going on. not trying to be the negative one here but nothing nice happens at night, especially if he has to lie to u about it. id definitely confront him. although i foubt hes gonna admit to anything. best of luck. I really hope im wrong about this tho

[33159813]

Yeah. I understand it's bad & I do feel guilty for snooping because that shows distrust. But the fact that both times I've snooped, I've found something that isn't ohkay, it makes me wonder if its gone farther than I know or how far he will take it in the future. He hangs out with these girls late at night & doesn't tell me, he seems desperate to see them, this girl has a boyfriend & is telling mine she's busy & can't go out & my boyfriend is just pushing her to hang out! I mean am I that horrible? One night he was asking her to hang out after telling me he had to be home, I got a 3rd degree burn & was home alone, i asked him to come but he said he was tired. I just hope he didn't see her. It hurts to know hanging out with these random girls is more important than his pregnant girlfriend. I question if I even do want to marry him. He's pretty shady I guess I just don't know it til I snoop:/

[katngary143]

I mean if your boyfriend is being shady then I think snooping is ok but like ask him hey can we go through your facebook or text message together atand if he gets all defensive then u know he is doing something shady...I used to snoop all the time with ny hubby before we got married I went through his stuff all the time and I didn't find anything I felt like a d u m b butt lol and now we r married bc its an old habit and a bad habit to pick up

[Joceey]

i would of said something right there and then
a boy not totally worth it.
but you also need to be careful how you approach, youre pregnant and shouldnt go ballistic for the sake of your babys health
so try have a calm attitude and explain to him what happen
and see what goes on.
but really, you shouldnt deal with this bull crap
luck to you

[StephanieFTM]

I would confront him. Your pregnant and if he doesn't love you and respect you enough to stop the bs during this life changing experience he either needs to hit the road or grow up. And I know that's kinda harsh but sometimes men need that blunt realization, you never know it might change everything for the better. Good luck though.

[luxejess93]

I think if he gives you probable cause to snoop it isn't as bad. I would confront him, but be careful about it to try and avoid an argument. Because there is no reason to lie to the person you love. Hope things get better soon!