Step father inappropriately rubbing my neck infront of my husband

[T1987webster]

So this just recently happened,my parents came over for the weekend and we all sat together in the lounging braaing, when my step dad sat next to me and next thing started rubbing and tickling my neck in front of husband, two kids and mom. I didnt know what to do or say. My husband is furious.
How do I stop this and how do I tell me mom
Thanks

[Nighthawk61]

I agree with everything that S.M. has said in her comment. I don't believe your step dad was being sexual by giving you neck rub, not in the least. I look at it as being as normal as a daughter and dad dance at a wedding. and neither practice would bother me or be outside of my comfort zone, neither practice would cross any boundaries But that's me, not you. Obviously it is outside your comfort zone, and crossing a boundary with you, and your husband (shows that you and your husband are compatible in that area). Can you and your husband be open minded enough to see that giving a little neck rub is not an issue (with at least 50%  of people);  that it is not lustful and lecherous on your step dad's part, but simply is outside of your comfort zone? Can you and your husband effectively let your step dad know that you were made to feel uncomfortable without it making him feel bad about himself and his actions? Can you  frame it in a way that your attitude about neck rubs to family members that you are not being intimate with, is subjective and outside of your comfort zone without it having to be a black and white issue of your step dad being inappropriate?

[Nighthawk61]

just like giving a hug, is not inappropriate, but it may be outside of your comfort zone...

[Nighthawk61]

"Never stop learning" is a quote i have on the wall in other words, everyday is a day we can learn something new. Can this be a learning experience for you and your husband to perhaps see things differently, and not be so judgmental that you are "furious"? That what you may at first consider to be , "black and white" inappropriate  can now be viewed as subjective to you and outside of your comfort zone, accepting that it may not be abnormal for many, and without it having to be framed that someone is "wrong" and you are "right"? If that can happen, and you can view this incident in a different light, I think you could teach your children what "subjective" feelings and personal boundaries are, and how to  handle personal boundaries without making others feel ostracized. because of an individual's personal preferences. Teaching your children about gaining perspective in family situations, will help them gain an understanding of gaining perspective in the world at large. .

[specialmom]

So, you're a grown woman.  You are not a teen being molested.  You say 'hey, not comfortable, please stop" and move.  End of story.  You're making a much bigger deal of it than you need to. And chances are, REALLY,that this isn't sexual.  He did it to you in front of your husband and kids.  That's not exactly trying to be covert or sneaky and start something up with you.  Tell your husband to calm down, don't sit by the step dad next time but if you do end up sitting by him, say 'not comfortable, please stop" if he touches you in this way again.  I don't know why he did it but really, most men don't decide to hit on their step daughter in front of her family.  :>)  So, clarify that you would rather he NOT touch you in these ways (with no way of his misconstruing that) and move on.  good luck