Aa
Step mom issues
My step mom doesn't work and she refuses to do anything in the house. I'm surprised when she gets out of her PJs. She hates religion, which I can understand to a degree, but she constantly rubs it in my face as I am a Christian. She didn't take my dads last name and never goes to any family functions. She has never celebrated any of my birthdays because she "isn't good at it" but when it comes to her friends birthdays she always celebrates with them. My dad is a good guy and usually only complains to me about her. I feel so stressed out when she is in the room. Lately I've been snapping at her because I feel like she throws zingers at me. I've started to smoke weed because I thought that it would help, but now I'm feeling like I need to be high all the time to deal with her without disrupting their marriage. I was in the middle of my moms divorce because he hit on me and I had to tell my mom. I can't deal with another break up. Can anyone give me good advice?
just stop ruining you life for her!!!she is the one who needs to be punished...stop smoking weeds ...get a healthy and happy life for your self...!!!
COMMUNITY LEADER
Yes, no one is responsible for anyone's relationship unless they are the two people in it. You were a kid trying to live life and it sounds like your mom was with a genuine creep.
But in this case, you are judging your step mom. Sure, you have a right to care. But by the same token, your dad chose her. Both your parents seem to have issues picking worthwhile partners. sad. But you just need to see where you are at now as a stepping stone. If you are 22, move out. You definitely should be working or finishing school at this point and ready to embark on your OWN life minus parental drama. If you are 15, then this is your chance to set the tone for your life by exceling at school, having a plan for schooling- career and going for it to get away as soon as possible.
Wishing you the best. It doesn't sound easy. hugs
But in this case, you are judging your step mom. Sure, you have a right to care. But by the same token, your dad chose her. Both your parents seem to have issues picking worthwhile partners. sad. But you just need to see where you are at now as a stepping stone. If you are 22, move out. You definitely should be working or finishing school at this point and ready to embark on your OWN life minus parental drama. If you are 15, then this is your chance to set the tone for your life by exceling at school, having a plan for schooling- career and going for it to get away as soon as possible.
Wishing you the best. It doesn't sound easy. hugs
Agree with RR as well.
You didn't break anyone's relationship up; the relationship wasn't good in the first place and it dissolved. This guy knew he was gulity and tried to place the blame on you knowing he was wrong. She is no longer with him, so I will say she did side with you even though you don't see that.
You didn't break anyone's relationship up; the relationship wasn't good in the first place and it dissolved. This guy knew he was gulity and tried to place the blame on you knowing he was wrong. She is no longer with him, so I will say she did side with you even though you don't see that.
What is your actual age? Your profile states you are 22 and now you state you are 15?
If your father ends up divorcing his wife, it's not because of you.
I don't know how close you are to your dad, but you are within your rights to say "Dad, I'm really not comfortable with you talking to me about your marriage problems, it puts me in the middle and I just really want to feel like the kid here". It is NOT healthy that he is using you as a confidant.
Neither of your parents practice protective parenting, and that leaves you an island out there with no support.
Do you have extended family you can rely on?
I don't know how close you are to your dad, but you are within your rights to say "Dad, I'm really not comfortable with you talking to me about your marriage problems, it puts me in the middle and I just really want to feel like the kid here". It is NOT healthy that he is using you as a confidant.
Neither of your parents practice protective parenting, and that leaves you an island out there with no support.
Do you have extended family you can rely on?
1 Comments
Ditto RR
I agree that it's time for you to move on and set yourself up so you can make the big choices of what type of partner that you want. (education, career, friends, socializing). Your dad chose her and it's not your place to judge. Maybe he wants her to stay in her jammies. who knows?
Just the same as you will want your family to respect your choices, and not feel the need to be the judge of what you choose. you need to do the same.
That being said, you've mentioned that you were in the middle of your mom's break up and now this,with the step mom and the weed smoking (the need to numb out) I think you should go and talk to a therapist. so you can move on into adulthood and let the past problems go, so you're clear and hopeful for the future. Put the weed down and think about your bright future.
Just the same as you will want your family to respect your choices, and not feel the need to be the judge of what you choose. you need to do the same.
That being said, you've mentioned that you were in the middle of your mom's break up and now this,with the step mom and the weed smoking (the need to numb out) I think you should go and talk to a therapist. so you can move on into adulthood and let the past problems go, so you're clear and hopeful for the future. Put the weed down and think about your bright future.
Agree with SM.
I think you should probably find a place of your own especially if you are resorting to self-destructive behaviors, e.g. smoking weed.
Smoking weed to cope is a choice of yours and is definitely a maladaptive way of dealing with the situation.
I think you should probably find a place of your own especially if you are resorting to self-destructive behaviors, e.g. smoking weed.
Smoking weed to cope is a choice of yours and is definitely a maladaptive way of dealing with the situation.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Ha, I just can't stop. Sorry. I see from your profile that you are 22. You should be close to going out on your own in the world where you get to set the tone for your own living arrangement. Keep your eye on that prize and this problem is solved. good luck
COMMUNITY LEADER
Okay, coming back with a bit more. In life, we can't let others have this kind of power over our own choices. To be self destructive and smoke pot to 'deal' with how someone else is . . . that's just hurting yourself. She doesn't really owe it to you to be a certain way. Your dad------- HE chose her. HE brought her into your life. HE seems to think it is okay for you to live with her. So, direct any heat or resent in the proper direction, your dad. And keep your focus on what kind of person you want to be. And yes, perhaps its time to go live with your bio mom. good luck
COMMUNITY LEADER
You know, we get posts from women especially that end up living with the child of their current partner and they rip apart the child. I always say to them, how fair to have their life and who they are judged by someone that way simply because they love the man in their life. I am going to say the same to you in reverse. You are old enough to be on the computer and asking about it, and therefore, are not a little child in her care. So, this is HER life. Your dad got together with her for whatever reason. This is between the two of them. You go on about your own life and be who you want to be and let her be. good luck
And who hit on you, the dad you live with or a second husband of your mom?
1 Comments
My mom re-married someone. they are divorced now. But he would tell me his penis size and whistle if i was hunched over on my bed watching my iPad. I asked him what time my mom was coming home on like the second day that I met him and he told me that she would be home in 45 mins... just enough time to get my clothes off! I told my mom everything and she ignored it. she later found out that he had a rental home on the side that she didn't know about. He was taking this young mentally challenged girl into the house. She still didn't divorce him. They had therapy and asked me to join. He wanted to apologize to me! wtf? Anyways, it was a mess. Things were said like, if I knew that your daughter was like this, I would have never married you. Even though my mom says that she sided with me, she didn't do it with her actions and it made me feel like I ruined that marriage. now I moved with my dad and I am soo terrified of saying anything. Im 15 now. but sometimes I feel like I should still be able to have concern about what happens to my family.
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