The Move in with high school sweetheart

[MizzLove]

Am 27 and he is 30 .we been out of high school 2005 for an long time now so stop all the games. After high school we know we had to do are thing in life .so when I meet him back in 2013 I was so happy to see him but I find out he had an girl at first it was talking and telling each other how life is was each other and then one day we had sex and was long I mean long more then 3 hrs cuz I had go somewhere but the time lol.anyway I started sleeping with him .i didn’t think nothing wrong because I crazy it sounds I still love him .but that one day his gf call talking asking when she going see him and he was acting not nice.well that when I started feeling bad I guess I was on that I had him first so fuc it anyway .so we had an talk I stop and find me some I got married to the new guy2014 Cuz I find the man I was in love with having a baby on the way .so how about I start my new life I had gotten very happy with the new guy until the lies and other girls and so on I guess that what I get.so  I left my husband and started talking to my x ‘s as so much that had went on with each other we became Bestfriends but still love him one day we had sex and out of no where we started sleeping around for 2 years I wanted him so bad like the old us but he didn’t feel the same so I started talking and going on dates but it didn’t work all they wanted to **** and I wasn’t with it I guess Cuz I still was sleeping with him smh .so one day I said fuc this no more I want an man not a fuc buddy and stop calling,texting,and seeing him it was feeling good but I was missing him at the same time.i went out one not was feeling good to go clubbing by my self I had meet one nice guy we talking all night and he funny too was looking for us to talk more.next day I had to go do some paperwork at my job real fast when I was doing I going on a bus out of nowhere who get on the bus.my x eyes lighting up can’t stop looking at him .he comes up to me and say do I know u some where and I look at him and said I don’t have time to play.he said so u not going say anything and I said there nothing to say .next day he text me and was like I need to see u soon I wanted to say for what but he had something  to tell me face to face so I said ok.now just thinking and I was drinking too am like what is it. So I got work the next day and it was snowing so I feels no bus for me Cab will do . As am in the Cab he text me when am moving I text him I think u got the wrong number he say no I got the rite number so I said what u talking about.i want you to move in with me .my mind going crazy in this Cab I said stop playing he don’t want to play no games no more and not only he wants me to move in move into a house.am like omg I said yes.we find the house but still waiting to move in but I live with him at his house now.we word fight and make up every day with sex a lot of sex . Out no where well I know he got a kid wants to put my name his name and his kid too but I ask for what .when the kid live with the mother yea I get that we move in the city so he can be with his kid more but the kid living I don’t know I think that going be hard I don’t have kids  and in away some times I say I don’t want but then one minute I do but rite now is not time I just started meeting his kid I don’t think am ready for him trying to move the kid and out his name on the house .am I’m being selfish ? Anything you say it ok I don’t have friends to talk too so yea

[Nighthawk61]

Maybe you can help me ? You've written this and i don't know what it is you're asking here exactly. It sounds like it's an important question, and i'd like to give you my opinion to try to help, but maybe you could try to explain the question so i can?

"I just started meeting his kid I don’t think am ready for him trying to move the kid and out his name on the house .am I’m being selfish ?

So, you've just started to visit with his child, and you don't think you're ready for your boyfriend to..........

move the kid and out his name on the house?

Are you saying you're not ready for your boyfriend to move his child into yours and your boyfriend's home?

What are you trying to say about "his name on the house?"  Does your boyfriend own the home and you moved in with him ? Are you saying if the child moves in , your boyfriend would have to take his name off the ownership papers of the house?

Sorry - please help , i want to understand...

[Nighthawk61]

I'm wondering if you're asking whether you should be expected to pay 50/50 for a two bedroom apartment ? If that's the case, then no.  In my opinion, you should be paying half of a one bedroom apartment. Your boyfriend should be responsible for the extra rent for his child's room, until such time as you are in a long term committed relationship, but initially you are both just trying to see if you and he are a good match, so i think it's too soon for you to take 50/50 responsibility for his child's expenses, unless you want to. It DOESN'T make you selfish to be logical and keep everything Fair in the beginning of a relationship. (iF that's what you were asking that is lol).

[Nighthawk61]

I'm too am having difficulty understanding your English (mostly that there are no periods between sentences, so it's very difficult for me to understand when one subject has ended, and another begun) so it's sounds to me that English may be your 2nd language. From what i can gather though, it sounds like you've made up your mind as to moving in with your high-school boyfriend again and I surely hope that it does work out for you all, as there is a child involved and break ups , even between a parent and step mother can be very hard on a child. Children need consistency, so please be very sure that you and your boyfriend have a good chance if you are to be involved in this child's life. and work toward the longevity that this child so richly deserves. I believe you've said that you cannot conceive your own children, so i hope that your relationship flourishes and you can show your boyfriend's child the respect and love that I hope will come back to you from that child.  Children grow up so quickly, and soon you will receive back from this child what you give to them. So, be good to this child and they will, in turn, be good to you when you are older. A step mom can be a huge asset to a child, IF handled correctly. There are many books and articles you can access on the internet that can help you to be the best Step Mom you can be. They used to say that 'kid's don't come with directions, but that is SO UNTRUE. Reading about raising a step child can help you immensely understand this child, and make the transition that they have to make easier (when he/she visits you both). I hope that you put in the effort, and that will help  all goes well for all of you.  

[Nighthawk61]

oops...

I hope that you put in the effort to reading about raising children, and step children, (two different topics) and that YOUR efforts will help having everything go smoothly for all of you. Not being ready to raise a child in the best way, can cause us many, many regrets, so the effort you make early on is SO IMPORTANT.

[AnnieBrooke]

Well, then, good luck to you.  keep your job and stay on your feet, and you will do fine.

[MizzLove]

Thank u I will  always

[MizzLove]

Thank you

[AnnieBrooke]

Sweetheart, I hate to agree with the others when it is advice you don't want to hear. But you really need to get grounded in who you are, without all the men. And the clubbing, and the drinking. Lift your sights and make some long-term plans just for you. The ex is really swinging wildly like a rope on a flagpole, he's making babies and being irresponsible and likes to yank your chain. He knows you are making big things in your mind of the relationship and he is manipulating the situation because of your loneliness.  Please do some thing just for you. Get going on something that gives you fun that is not drinking and sex. You will find your center if you do, and then you can figure out what kind of guy fits.

[MizzLove]

I don’t sleep with a lot of man and I haven’t for me to be in my 20’s I only been with 4 guys it my first boyfriend we always come back to each other .and it not always him he wanted to cut his girl off for me and I didn’t want him to do that so when things go another way I couldn’t get mad . Because it hard for me to have kids I for got to put that I had try a lot but it didn’t work so for to go he have an kid some thing I may not ever can give him and not now too Cuz am doing good for my career so yea and as I have gotten older I think I want kids ilove how I can spend my money and telling how unless it bills and that an another thing being in the city it hard living and lot of money so me paying 50/50 and me having no kids I think that living I just wanted to see if there was going be one person get what am saying and don’t think am moving to fast .and it crazy Cuz it not like we never live with each other b4  in the pass .in high school he hold me down but soon high over he needed to do him to better his self and I went in a shelter but ye it a lot to it I was just giving u a lil  but thank everyone am moving in because am in love with him I never stop loving him as so many people pass in my life he always made it to see how I was doing. I never had **** him for money in the pass or now . I mean he even said he don’t want no money from me but am help .he just want me .for him to work so much over time and school .he got his high school sweetheart.not everybody lucky to get an man that will do anything thing .it just am mad it taking this long

[dominosarah]

Im confused!  So the guy with the kid is your high school sweetheart that texted you in the cab?  If this is the guy sounds like you have one thing in common and that is the sex.  Relationships need more than just that.  If you arent ready to be motherly to this child then you need to get out.

[MizzLove]

No it not sex we have so much more than that it just we have sex a lot like a lot and I love that . But he didn’t had the kid on me because we wasn’t with each other

[specialmom]

Well, I'm not sure what you should do.  I think NO man in your life for a while may make things more clear.  So far, these guys aren't great as they cheat and lie and did you say the ex (not the man you married, the guy before him) had a baby with someone else?  I don't think you are selfish to not take on his child and move him in.  

[MizzLove]

Am talking about my x moving in with him .he went to better his life in school so when I haven’t seen him in so long it was love at first but he have had an girl and I didn’t care at first so I would mess around with him until one day I was feeling bad and I stop and got in a relationship but the time I wanted him his girl was having a baby and I didn’t want to mess an family up so I said I do to my boyfriend at that time but not know he became not the man I had think he was. After everything me and my x became Bestfriends we would talk everyday or other day and as we not with each other he ask to be with me and had got an house also to move in with him.his my first boyfriend and only boyfriend that made me feel good and am not talking about sex it taking a long time for that Cuz his friend is to big but anyway yea am happy that I got him back we both got good jobs I don’t want to think am moving to fast but he said we been sleeping with each other for two years from the time I cut off my husband so he like y not . Now the other day I had that talk with him as soon I got off from work and just telling him that I don’t think it going work to see what he said after everything we talk about and seeing him cry I was like this is real Cuz he don’t cry like lol but thank guys