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The love of my life has reappeared but I am now married

Help! 16 years ago I met the love of my life in my natal country - he was a foreigner who had come to live there. We had a great connection and I never felt like that again, the relationship was great, the chemistry and sexual attraction were very intense, I truly loved him and he loved me. But I had everything ready to leave the country when I met him...I was leaving in one year time (for many reasons I could not stay). It broke both our hearts and he promised to come after me but after 6 months of talks and waiting we lost touch (he was involved in a car accident and had to use all his resources to pay the medical bills). I let my ego rise and changed my number...16 years ago, Internet wasn't available everywhere and so we lost touch...
3 years later I found myself married with a really nice guy that I never loved. We've been married ever since and I truly hoped I could learn to love him but I haven't. I'm not sexually attracted to him, nor have a connection. I know he loves me but I can't reciprocate the feeling...In all these 16 years I've never stopped thinking about my true love and what would have happened if I hadn't left...and then, a month ago, out of no where he contacted me (he actually tried before but I never saw his messages) and now all the feelings came bursting out. He's not into technology and didn't have internet until 9 months ago when he tried to contact me.
I'm really torn, I feel this is our second chance but I have 2 kids with my husband...he said now that he's finally found me he doesn't want to ever loose me again and I feel the same...I just feel terribly guilty for all the damage I will cause...
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Avatar universal
Go to a couple's counseling and before that before choosing between your husband and your lover consider that who helped you during these 16 years in your life when you needed someone, your husband or your lover.......... If you have seen your parents together all your life, could you see your children seeing their parents split and a broken family........... First thing tell your husband everything and you will see the romantic side of your husband because jealousy forges a dull husband romantic and communicating regularly with your husband will show you what will you loose if you end up your marriage
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
I personally don't think that you can call someone you met and dated 16 years ago the love of your life.  How do you know?  A lot changes in 16 years and it is quite a gamble to assume you still love him.  ALL of this could be based on total fantasy. I'm sure you love your husband.  Maybe it wasn't hot and heavy passionate love in the beginning but you are companions, have built a life together, enjoy each other, etc.  Is it worth giving that up for a fantasy for young passion you once had for someone?  

A lot of times things are remembered much better than they were or we weren't with that person long enough for 'real life' to happen and cause stress, etc.  Keep that in mind.  You may be fantasizing and risking a happy life now for a dream that might be based in unreality.  

And I could never disrupt my children's lives for a fantasy.
good luck
Helpful - 0
13167 tn?1327194124
I'm kind of concerned that you state you "found yourself" married to this man you didn't love.  

This was a conscious decision on your part - and now you have two children who are counting on you.   Are you intending to leave them and go join this other man - or are you thinking of divorcing your husband and taking your children with you?

I'll tell you this - if you leave your children for this man,  they will never,  ever forgive you and will be damaged forever.  Children don't get over mom choosing a new man over them.  Somehow children seem to get over that if it's dad doing that - but not mom.  
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134578 tn?1693250592
I also vote that you think of the children, even above your own desires.  They cannot be more than what, age 12?  This would be very cruel to them.  If they were 18 or over, I would say (possibly) that you might consider pulling the plug on your loveless marriage and seeking happiness, but not when they are so in need of the life they know, which includes you and their dad being a couple.
Helpful - 0
3149845 tn?1506627771
Hi, bringing up past loves can certainly be a mind breaker but in my experience most of this is just a fantasy of what might have been. If you were ment to be together you never would have lost eachother 16 years back, car accident or no car accident. When there is great love as  you describe, nothing short of death would stop iingt from happening.
Think of your children and the damage it would cause to them.
Helpful - 0
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