The love of my life is not the father...

[Ekua80]

I am 30 yrs old.  I very recently ended a relationship with my x who is paralyzed form the waist down.  Over the course of the 3yrs he went back and forth from wanting to be in a relationship and not wanting to be.  We had a break up about 1.5 years ago where I moved out from him for 2 months. Over the course of those two months I met someone but ended it because me and my love got back together.  I broke it off with him recently because we have been through alot and i know that he loves me and I love him and I am like I want/need to be in a committed relationship and he said he wasnt ready.  We still see each other occaisionally and talk.  We do argue alot because I still do want to be with him but he says he is not ready but as soon as he is he will let me know.  I love this man dearly and do not want him going through life alone dealing with the burdens he does.  I offer myself as his legs and anything else he needs.  However, I do feel unappreciated and when we broke up a few weeks ago I was with the guy I met 1.5 yrs ago, we did not use protection and now i am pregnant.  I am extremely happy to blessed with this bundle of joy seeing that this is the first time i have ever been pregnant, i am not disprivileged and i am able and willing to take care of my child alone if needed.  My question is How? When? do I tell my love that I am with child.  Its so soon because me and the father of my child were together just a week after me and my love called it quits.  While I know the average person would say I was broken up and it doesnt matter; i am more than concerned about hurting him with this news. I love him and know the pain he already endures and although he has done things to hurt me I do not want to hurt him.  a part of me just wants to cut all ties with him so i will not see the hurt but it will hunt me for life if i dont tell him and he finds out from someone other than me.  while this is supposed to be a time of extreme happiness for me i have these thoughts lingering and really need some advice on what i should do.. How? When? should i tell him?

[sweetlilbj]

Umm, "when HE'S ready HE will LET YOU know"...?????? I really am not trying to be rude here, or blo a gasket,  but it seems quite "obvious" that you're  NOT  "the  love of your life's love of HIS LIFE!! Sounds to me like you're trying to be something to him that he apparently doesn't want you to be to him. YOU dont owe him any explanation PERIOD!!!  Forget about him, you need to REVOLVE YOUR LIFE AROUND YOUR BABY NOW!!! U DIDNT FIT IN HIS LIFE BEFORE, YOU & YOUR CHILD WILL SURELY NOT FIT, DONT PUT "YOUR" child in an "un-necessary situation"...you never know, this person might be jealous of the fact that now u are not just "doting/catering" just to HIM only now. That baby is YOUR MAIN FOCUS, you focused on someone long enuff, that didnt appreciate you anyway(from the sound of it) its a clean break, keep it that way, dont take a chance that doesnt have to be taken. He's NOT YOUR BABYS FATHER. THATS THE RELATIONSHIP YOU NEED TO FOCUS ON!!! USE UR HEAD GIRL, MISERY LOVES COMPANY, DONT SUBJECT THAT BABY TO SOMETHING THAT DOESNT HAVE TO BE. BE HAPPY, DOTE ON YOUR PRECIOUS BUNDLE SOON TO BE HERE, THATS UR LIFE NOW, FOCUS, FOCUS, FOCUS!!!! YOU HAVE LOST NOTHING!!!  YOUR FRIEND HAS THO, HE LOST HIS MAID! 30? FIRST BABY!! ENJOY!! UR A FOOL IF YOU CHOOSE TO CONTINUE TO WEAR YOURSELF OUT TRYING TO PLEASE SOMEONE THAT YOU HAVE YET TO PLEASE ANYWAY! BE TRUE & FAIR TO URSELF & UR BABY, THERE IS A NEW #1 IN UR LIFE, FOCUS ON THAT. UN-NECESSARY CRAP IS JUST THAT, ....NOT NECESSARY!!! GOOD LUCK TO U, YOUR CHILD & YOUR CHILDS FATHER, I'LL PRAY FOR THE 3 OF U, THAT HES ECSTATIC @ HIS BABY, AND HONORED TO SHARE THIS BEAUTIFUL EXPERIENCE WITH YOU!!!!!!!! & BE A GOOD FATHER TO HIS CHILD, THATS YOUR FOCUS, NO1 ELSE MATTERS.!!!!

[overopiates]

U should b up front&honest with him.That being said why r his reasons for continuing to break things off with u?

[margypops]

I am trying to understand the dynamics here, has the father of the child been told about the baby, does he want to be with you and take responsibility for his child ?