Avatar universal

To believe or not to believe boyfriend underwear stains with GLITTER

My boyfriend was MIA for two hours. When he returned he showered to wash off massage oil from a massage for his feet and legs. When I grabbed laundry to wash I noticed white stains on black underwear. Wasn’t overly concerned until I noticed glitter in the white stains. When I questioned he had no explanation other than maybe massage place used lotion with glitter and when he went to bathroom some got on his hand and in underwear.  No other explanation for the stain or glitter. I even asked if he had a happy ending or felt excited during massage. He denied both. I never noticed white stains previously but never looked before either. He has to by lying right because of the glitter? Is it common for men in their 50’s to have white stains?
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134578 tn?1642048000
From the way you are discussing this, it sounds like you two have an agreement about being exclusive such that if he was stepping out, that would be a serious breach?

If so, in your shoes I'd be mad at him for the part of it you know from what he said, let alone what you suspect. A straightforward masseur or masseuse uses plain oil; there's no glitter product kicking around such that it would even be possible "some got on his hand." He got a massage on his "feet and legs" at the kind of massage place that uses oil that contains glitter. It's the story of a guy who went to the 'other' kind of massage parlor.

How long have the two of you been together, and how seriously have the two of you been thinking the relationship is? If this event and your suspicion of him getting a happy ending would be enough to blow up a long-term relationship, in your shoes I'd  try counseling first. But if you haven't been together that long and it's been kind of loosely defined and you've suspected him of stepping out before, maybe you don't have much to lose if you walk away. Just depends on what you want. But it does sound like he will probably do it again unless something changes.

Helpful - 3
207091 tn?1337709493
Well, I've gotten lots of massages - real, therapeutic ones - and don't end up with glitter anywhere and have nothing in my underwear.

I guess I'd ask why are you letting so much go. I mean, you are checking his underwear. This relationship isn't in a good place. I don't know if it's all just your distrust, or if it's your man actually doing stuff, but either way, this relationship isn't in a good place.
Helpful - 1
I think you've got problems no matter what he did or didn't do.  I don't know how you know it was glitter, for one thing.  I also don't know where the glitter would come from in any massage parlor that would get on his underwear.  And are you sure he didn't have stains on his underwear before?  I've never been to a massage parlor that offers sex, so I'm no expert on the subject, but I have had a lot of stained underwear in my life.  It happens.  You don't throw out a comfortable pair because of that.  If he was hiding something, why would he have given you the underwear to wash?  This whole thing sounds like this is your problem.  Maybe you just don't feel it for him anymore.  Maybe he has cheated in the past.  Whatever, right now you're messing with yourself over things and eventually if you go on like this, no matter what he's doing the relationship will be poisoned.  It's time for you to decide if he's still the guy you want to be with, or if you trust enough to be with anyone right now.  I wonder if something else is going on that's got you feeling fragile?  Again, having never paid for sex I have no idea what happens in that setting, but why would there be glitter in what sound like you're describing as cum stains?  Time for serious evaluation of where you're at and where the two of your are at.
Pax, I think she's wondering if maybe he got a b.j. from someone who wore glittery makeup.
Yes! From someone that had glitter on their lips! Why wouldn’t the glitter be on his shorts if what he said had any logic which it doesn’t. As far as washing his underwear….because he was MiA foe two hours I was suspicious and had a gut feeling something was off. So I started snooping and found underwear in wash with glitter in the cum stain. Similar odd things have happened in past making me more sensitive.  I also never do his wash normally so I don’t think he ever thought I’d see underwear.  No question there are problems and big ones because I’m not sure what you have without trust. Thank you for taking time to comment
Uh, maybe it's just me folks, but does anyone give a blowjob to someone wearing underwear?  I've never had one like that.  A handjob maybe but to do a blowjob you kind of have to take the underwear off to really get to it, you know?  Sorry, just that I've had a lot of sex in my life as I'm old and this just doesn't sound normal to me, but you know, what do I know?  But you're right here, the real issue is, either you have real reasons not to trust him or you're having some emotional fragility going on and feeling very insecure.  I don't know what MIA is -- you're both adults and I assume if you don't do his washing and he doesn't do yours you're living a pretty independent couple's life.  Once you're snooping at a guy's underwear, I mean, either you have good reason to think he's cheating on you -- and I'm not sure where a massage parlor falls in this -- or you don't have good reason and you're just not doing well right now.  Either way, you're certainly right, without trust, whether deserved or not, you're both in for a rough patch.  I hope it all works out whatever is wrong here.
And when you're done with the blowjob or a handjob, you don't -- or at least I don't -- just put your underwear back on, you wipe the ejaculate off first or wash unless you're having sex out in the woods or something, but I've done that a lot in my life and even then I wouldn't just put a pair of underwear on over a sticky penis.  Not trying to get into the weeds here, just raising issues because something here doesn't jive and it's either he's lying and a bit odd sexually or you're going through a bad emotional moment here.  Peace.
Pax, I agree with what you are saying with the exception of the idea that he would have needed to have a b.j. with his underwear on to get glitter in his pants. Body glitter and glittery makeup are sticky, they could readily get on (someone else's) bare skin. I don't necessarily buy the scenario of a b.j. because one might think there would also be lipstick traces if there were glitter traces. Maybe he had some kind of private show without a b.j. but with some kind of contact. Maybe he had such a good time that he ejaculated after the main event (whatever it was) and that was the white stuff in the underwear. Any explanation immediately has a lot of objections come up, but just regarding body glitter and glittery makeup, it's not impossible to explain the presence of the glitter, and if his shorts were off that shows why the glitter wasn't elsewhere on his clothes or his body. None of this is to stray from the main point, which is, this couple has problems one way or the other.
"MIA for two hours" - I keep coming back to this. Is he not allowed to just go to the mall, or on a walk or whatever? Is he required to account for all of his time?

Now the glitter - that stuff sticks to everything it touches, and having it inside underwear is weird. Checking underwear because he's gone for 2 hours is odd. My first thought would be that he got in an accident or was in traffic or something.

Again, this relationship is in a really bad place, glittery BJ or not.
I guess you got me here -- I know nothing about glitter in makeup.  Never actually had a relationship with anyone who wore makeup really.  So I defer to you all on this.  My main point jives with yours -- something has gone wrong here and that's always really sad.
20620809 tn?1504362969
In a relationship, sometimes we have to think through things.  How is your relationship?  Do you get along?  Do you feel he is prone to cheating? Would you be upset if he was aroused or if he had a happy ending?  I think speculation is probably fruitless here but be observant. If you think he is cheating and lying to you, then that's something to figure out.  But I'd let this go and look to what happens going forward. Analyzing stains on underwear is a bit much to figure out if your partner is cheating.  Look at how the relationship feels, patterns, etc.  I will say that I'd pay attention to how often your BF is going for massages.  But he told you he was going. There was nothing covert here.  He doesn't have to be lying because of the glitter.  
Helpful - 1
Thank you for your thoughtful response. I find it interesting that you state he doesn’t have to be lying because of the glitter yet to me the glitter is the most questionable. How do you explain glitter inside the white stain on the inside of underwear? Massage places use lotion with glitter that he would get in his underwear? It doesn’t make sense. There’s also unaccounted time of two hours and the fact that there have been other “unexplained” occurrences. In addition, my gut telling me something was off.  Maybe I could let it go if this was the only one.  Unfortunately it’s not. Thank you again, I appreciate your time with response. I felt the need to check myself and get others opinions
Avatar universal
Thank you for reply. Yes if he’s stepping out behind my back it’s a serious breach.  We’ve been together for a while and these unexplainable things occur every so often. Completely agree about massage place not using products with glitter. Plus (just thought of this) if he had inside underwear why wouldn’t it have been on the outside of shorts as he was putting shorts back on!? Nine of it makes any sense which is almost more infuriating then seeing the evidence. The fact that it’s all so ludicrous that he thinks I believe him, yet here I am…still with him! Thank you -
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thank you. We have been together a long time.  Counseling is not an option as he is not admitting to any wrong doing.  I’ve let these suspicious behaviors go but never forgotten so I am sensitive and on high alert when something doesn’t make sense. This is one of those things. I agree about massage places not using glitter unless it’s the kind that does happy ending. He has offered to take me to massage place….I may take him up on it. How he’s goin fro prove it if they don’t use glitter oil. Also (just thought Of this) why wouldn’t there have been glitter on shorts…..I appreciate your reply.
Helpful - 0
Coming back to you saying "Counseling is not an option" -- counseling is an option. You can go to counseling.

When a couple is having difficulty, one person making a shift in the way they react to the other, alters the dynamic between the two people even if the other person doesn't ever see a counselor. Just thinking things differently will make you act differently and say things differently, and either he will react by responding differently or at least you will be able to sort out how you feel about everything and what you want to do about it. Just for your own sake it would be a relief; you're annoyed and can't prove your suspicions. (Not to keep second-guessing what happened,  but if the white stuff in his underwear really *was* from ejaculating, it wasn't in anyone's mouth. This doesn't rule out something else sexy happening, though.)

Anyway, counseling (even by yourself) can be a huge relief, and also can help you do some values clarification for yourself. I really recommend it.
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