To give up or keep going

[krissy885]

Do you stay with someone who has had an issue with painkillers going on four years when you have been with them for 10years total? We have a young child and a lot going for us if he would choose to stop? Do I leave & deal with the crap or go? Please advise?

[cmp003]

I've been dating a guy for about 6 months and my mom told me he had been stealing her pain meds (that she takes as prescribed for her degenerative arthritis of the spine). I confronted him about it last night and he admitted it and broke down crying when I ended things. I told him he needs to go get help and he said he plans to. This is killing me though. I know the trust is completely broken w him for me and my mom but I wasn't expecting him to admit it. I can tell its softened me. Did I make the right decision?

[krissy885]

I haven't done anything about it.. I have gone to his family members in the past but they only seem to help for a couple of months.. It's like everybody knows but noone does anything about it.. Ive said I was going to leave 100 times but never did. I have nothing or noone.. I have no where to go with my child & cannot afford to live on my own. His family is my family. You would think they would be more concerned but they are not. Instead I lead this pretty little lie of a life, drownding myself in work & doing things with my child to avoid his issues. We live on a rollar coaster.. Two weeks its great then its two weeks of hell over & over & over.

[specialmom]

Oh, I must say again that leaving is the only way.  And I'd also check into family week for yourself to get help with staying strong about it.  

Do you attend any support groups for those dealing with a loved one's addiction?  Al Anon???  It might help you.

Peace and luck

[krissy885]

Hello & thank you for your post.. He has tried to stop a couple of times and even went to a facility for a day but has always gone back to them.. I know he is using on & off but he will not admit it to me.. He will not even talk about it.. He acts as if I do not know.. We have been together 10 years & have a 3 year old child & the last thing I want to do is leave but it gets to be to much.. It has come to the point where I cannot trust him at all.. Its whenever he has any money in his pocket there is an issue.. I have made myself sick every week over stress because it's pay day & I never know what I am coming home to.. But when hes not taking anything everything is great.. Its always 50/50 & I nwvwe know what I'm going to get?

[ANewLife4Me]

Hi,

I would not stay.  Take it from me, I am a recovering addict from narcotic pain pills so I can say this from the addict's point of view.  

Has he ever tried to get help in these 4 years?  Does he want to stop?  He has to want to stop - he has to want the help.  He can't just stop taking them and that's it, the mental part after stopping is horrible and takes a lot of hard work whether it be in therapy, with meetings, out-patient treatment, etc.  It's a long, hard process and like one of the above posters mentioned, there's the depression aspect to deal with as well.

Addiction can take down a family very quickly.  I lost my home, cars, 401k, and my husband of almost 20 years.  I would take the child and leave and attend meetings or therapy for yourself as well.

There's so much more I'd like to say, but I want to suggest you check out the other forums here such as; Living With An Addict, Substance Abuse Forum, etc. and read, post, seek advice.  I think you'll be amazed at what you see.

Please feel free to personal message me if you need to talk.  I don't usually post in this forum but I came across this and it just breaks my heart that us addicts ruin our lives and the lives around us.  I am so sorry.

[specialmom]

You can't live with an addict with a young child.  And even if it is just you.  that is codependency.  It is an unhealthy relationship because of he addiction issue.  You can ask him to go to treatment.  If he refuses, yes, you need to leave.  You need to let the courts know of his addiction issue so he only has supervised visitatiion with the child.  This may sound harsh but it is in everyone's best interest.

And it may be what he needs to decide he wants to kick his habit.  Remember though, addiction usually goes hand in hand with mental health issues such as depression, so he needs to address all aspects to be fully healthy again.  

good luck, it is a tough road to go.  But you must go in my opinion. peace

[AnnieBrooke]

Addiction is really tough, the person can't stop no matter how much you ask, and you can't make him stop.  Try Al-Anon, the support group for families of people with addictions.

[Londres70]

Is he willing to address his serious issue?

Married or living together?