To keep ties or not?

[calmshell]

I have a friend I've known for nearly 25 years- in all of those years we have hung out, laughed and had the same temperament. She's laid back and not a drama seeking woman. However in the last year, I really have been the only one to reach out/initiate getting together. One thing that has always bugged me was that she tries to change whatever plan I make, into another plan, or doing something she wants instead after... like my plan was just not enough (when I've always agreed with her for years in doing certain things and did what she wanted/liked). But I am unsure how to go about our friendship. Besides that one little glitch we do have fun and laugh and I have not contacted her now in 4 months b/c I was the only one to do it all last year; it has made me feel low. She posts on FB of her new friends and doing this/that, not inviting me though, and simply saying these last couple months, 'we should get together!' and I reply 'We should..' Feeling though she will not contact me... I feel like I'm a friend who is WAY in the back burner and it sure doesn't feel great. We have been good friends for so many y ears.. what would you do? Just continue to wait until she 'might' initiate contact, or kind of let this go in your mind? I don't feel like initiating again so probably will not.. any insight welcome, Ty.

[Nighthawk61]

Ask them why they don't contact you ?

[Nighthawk61]

Honesty is the best policy : be the bigger person and show they that talking out inconsistencies in relationships is more normal than not

[Chima7]

I have a friend from middle school who I'm still friends with. We always have a blast whenever we hang out. But she never calls me just to talk or to make any plans. It's always me who calls her. Sometimes it bugs me so believe me, I know how you feel. But she's one of my oldest friends and she was also there for me during a few times not so long ago when none of my other friends came through when I needed them the most. So I overlook this and just continue to be the one who always calls her because I don't want to lose her as a friend.

[calmshell]

Awww, you are a wonderful friend then. If it does bother you , I wonder if you addressed it in a light way, if it might help you, while also letting her see a friendship is a TWO way street. Not only one reaching out, you know? or maybe, you could make a joke like, 'Ok see you soon, let me know when we can hang out next or when you are free!!' It shouldn't be all on one person to keep a relationship/friendship etc, you know? I really admire your kindness to her, and your personaltiy overall :) Not many are like you Chima and I think anyone is lucky to have you as their friend!! It's so strange just TONIGHT she contacted me finally, after a year of only me doing so... lol. I offered a plan and she said 'maybe' and she'd have to see how tired she was :/ We haven't seen each other in months and it made me feel kind of on back burner again, but I am glad she did reach out finally- ty so much for your reply !!

[Chima7]

Thank you :-)
I don't think she's doing it on purpose, I get the sense she's more of a homebody since we've gotten older and doesn't go out much so she doesn't make plans often.

[specialmom]

Sounds like you value the friendship. I'm all for non drama seeking people! That's a keeper. You know, when I get together with friends, rarely does just ONE of us make the plans. Are you sure her interjecting thoughts and things into the plan is not just her collaborating?  Why take that personally? Try to cut busy people slack. It's hard to not feel important but try not to look at it that way!  Keeping long term friends means rolling with how circumstances change including time available. Good luck

[calmshell]

Oh no lol, I mean EVERY time I ever suggest something she tries to change it lol... we usually come to an agreement though, so it's not a 'big' deal, I overlook it. What is sad is that in a whole year I'm the only one who contacted her, and now that I haven't heard from her in months after this new year just started, it feels just 'off' for me to contact yet again. It could be just that she's been hanging with her new friends, but even when I've had new friends I still showed her I cared/wanted to see her as well. I guess I won't let our friendship 'go' , it's just it seems I'm kind of the only one invested.

[calmshell]

Also, ty for your reply specialmom !!