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Update on Me and Bryan
So I wrote yesterday about that guys who's been talking to me. My neighbors friend, Bryan. While I was getting ready to go to the concert yesterday, we were messaging, just IMing. So I'm doing my hair, doing my make up, checking my computer every so often. And we started off with those normal cute messages. "I miss you", "How are you?", that kind of things. We're just talking...
Then around 4:30 I was like "Just so you know, I have a concert tonight so I have to get off the computer at like 6pm". And he sends me "Aww, :( so you're going to leave me all alone?" writted just like that. I told him yeah, sorry, and then the conversation just went on like normal. At one point we were talking about exams, and how I was pretty sure I was going to fail chemistry, and then he said he was going to fail physics. I said something like "We're great at passing classes--let's sit here and talk to each other even though we both know we're failing science. Hahhaa we're losers:" There was a lull in the convesation so I go up to finish my hair, and when I come back there's another message.
He sends me, "You're probably going to think I'm crazy, but what would you do if I asked you to be my girl?"
Now, this boy already calls me "baby". I've been calling him "boo" cuz that's what I do... And now I'm sitting here, staring at the computer like "OHMYGODOHMYGOD". I literally hyperventilated for like five minutes, and I sat there over the keyboard with my hands shaking. And so I thought about it for a little bit...
And I said yes. Actually, my literal response was "Uh, YES! Are you serious? Like, FOR REAL serious?"
I'm looking back on it, not thinking that it was a bad decision, but like... Oh my gosh. I'm still in shock, I guess. I don't... I don't have boyfriends. Like ever. Guys don't like me. And now out of the clear blue, it's like, POOF. Here's this dude I like who likes me back and said he wants to go out with me and like... Oh God.
The message he sent me after was so cute, though. He goes, "Oh, that's such a relief, I thought you were gonna say no. You don't know how happy you make me. Well, I know you have to get going so have fun at your concert, go out there and kill it, and I'll talk to you tomorrow."
I went to the concert all happy and smiley. I was running up to everyone like "Guess what! I'm not single anymore!" I was freaking out. The only problem I have now is... My parents. I mean, if they find out that I'm dating an 18-year-old (almost 19) at only 17 years old, they're going to kill me. I mean, shoot me in the face and then bury me in the backyard, then discard of all evidence that I ever existed. That kind of "kill me". I'm not 17 for a couple weeks yet... Eep. So my plan (and I told Bryan this, too) is to not let them know right now.
I don't want to lie to them, but I know they'll tell me I can never talk to him again if they find out we're (technically) together right now. They're so weird about age stuff. My whole family is. Part of it is because my grandma on my dad's side go pregnant with her first child, my uncle Joe, when she was 14 and had to marry her then-boyfriend (one of my grandpa's and my dad's biological father, my grandpa Joe, ironically) at a courthouse. They're trying to avoid that happening. There has been four teen pregnancies in my family so far amoungst my cousins. Once, my cousin Nikki brought home a boy who was 18 when she was 16. They went to school together. Everyone freaked out. I don't like it that much... I mean, here's innocent little me who doesn't date at all, rarely ever likes boys, and now I wanna date this guy I've known for like 5 years, and we've been talking again for months, but no one is going to approve because he's almost 19 and I'm almost 17.
Grr.
I really sound like an "angsty teenager" right now, I know. I don't like sounding this immature, it bothers me, but I need to get this out there because I have no one else to turn to for honest advice. All my friends just keep going "awww thats so cute!" and they won't help me. I've only told select people, and I'm waiting to tell my friend Dez, because she's in a similar situation. Her boyfriend and her used to work together, before he got promoted to a different place. She's 17, he's just turned 20, but he literally graduated when we were in our Sophomore year, so they could have been dating then if she'd known who he was. But she can't tell her parents because of a similar situation, being that they don't approve of dating people over the age of 18. I just don't know how to tell her, since Bryan lives so far aweay...
Just thought I would let everyone know whats going on. Please respond with feedback.
Then around 4:30 I was like "Just so you know, I have a concert tonight so I have to get off the computer at like 6pm". And he sends me "Aww, :( so you're going to leave me all alone?" writted just like that. I told him yeah, sorry, and then the conversation just went on like normal. At one point we were talking about exams, and how I was pretty sure I was going to fail chemistry, and then he said he was going to fail physics. I said something like "We're great at passing classes--let's sit here and talk to each other even though we both know we're failing science. Hahhaa we're losers:" There was a lull in the convesation so I go up to finish my hair, and when I come back there's another message.
He sends me, "You're probably going to think I'm crazy, but what would you do if I asked you to be my girl?"
Now, this boy already calls me "baby". I've been calling him "boo" cuz that's what I do... And now I'm sitting here, staring at the computer like "OHMYGODOHMYGOD". I literally hyperventilated for like five minutes, and I sat there over the keyboard with my hands shaking. And so I thought about it for a little bit...
And I said yes. Actually, my literal response was "Uh, YES! Are you serious? Like, FOR REAL serious?"
I'm looking back on it, not thinking that it was a bad decision, but like... Oh my gosh. I'm still in shock, I guess. I don't... I don't have boyfriends. Like ever. Guys don't like me. And now out of the clear blue, it's like, POOF. Here's this dude I like who likes me back and said he wants to go out with me and like... Oh God.
The message he sent me after was so cute, though. He goes, "Oh, that's such a relief, I thought you were gonna say no. You don't know how happy you make me. Well, I know you have to get going so have fun at your concert, go out there and kill it, and I'll talk to you tomorrow."
I went to the concert all happy and smiley. I was running up to everyone like "Guess what! I'm not single anymore!" I was freaking out. The only problem I have now is... My parents. I mean, if they find out that I'm dating an 18-year-old (almost 19) at only 17 years old, they're going to kill me. I mean, shoot me in the face and then bury me in the backyard, then discard of all evidence that I ever existed. That kind of "kill me". I'm not 17 for a couple weeks yet... Eep. So my plan (and I told Bryan this, too) is to not let them know right now.
I don't want to lie to them, but I know they'll tell me I can never talk to him again if they find out we're (technically) together right now. They're so weird about age stuff. My whole family is. Part of it is because my grandma on my dad's side go pregnant with her first child, my uncle Joe, when she was 14 and had to marry her then-boyfriend (one of my grandpa's and my dad's biological father, my grandpa Joe, ironically) at a courthouse. They're trying to avoid that happening. There has been four teen pregnancies in my family so far amoungst my cousins. Once, my cousin Nikki brought home a boy who was 18 when she was 16. They went to school together. Everyone freaked out. I don't like it that much... I mean, here's innocent little me who doesn't date at all, rarely ever likes boys, and now I wanna date this guy I've known for like 5 years, and we've been talking again for months, but no one is going to approve because he's almost 19 and I'm almost 17.
Grr.
I really sound like an "angsty teenager" right now, I know. I don't like sounding this immature, it bothers me, but I need to get this out there because I have no one else to turn to for honest advice. All my friends just keep going "awww thats so cute!" and they won't help me. I've only told select people, and I'm waiting to tell my friend Dez, because she's in a similar situation. Her boyfriend and her used to work together, before he got promoted to a different place. She's 17, he's just turned 20, but he literally graduated when we were in our Sophomore year, so they could have been dating then if she'd known who he was. But she can't tell her parents because of a similar situation, being that they don't approve of dating people over the age of 18. I just don't know how to tell her, since Bryan lives so far aweay...
Just thought I would let everyone know whats going on. Please respond with feedback.
WOW......just read all your post in its entirety.
Your statement...."I love the work, I love to be focusing on these things because that's what I want to do with my life---I want to be in showbusiness. But I don't like that I haven't had those normal experiences.".....My response....It's unfortunate you feel like you are "missing out" on the "normal" experiences of teenage life. There is probably a "method" to your parents madness about "this and that." They are trying to keep you FOCUS on your future and helping you to prepare for your future as YOU want to be in showbusiness.
You come from a family that has to WORK; working class people......that's how it is. They worked for what they have and now it is your turn.
I guess I have a hard time understanding this generation of teens. Your mindset about work and leisure/social time is strange. Seems like most of you want more leisure/social time to do "this and that" and don't like the idea of working hard or spending alot of time working for something. You want it all to come "quick and easy" with minimal work and life just doesn't work that way for MOST people. If you aren't born wealthy.....then welcome to the reality of life.
You will be 18 sooner than you think and you can start making more of your own decisions once on your own.
I didn't experience everything that my teenage peers did and trust me you AREN'T really missing much in my opinion. The men and dances you can ALWAYS do later on in life.....no biggie. I didn't have my first "real" bf until I was 19.....SO WHAT. The world is NOT going to come "crashing" down because you aren't doing everything the other kids/teenagers are doing. In fact, it is probably a "good thing" you AREN'T.
I wouldn't be so worried about "what your friends are doing" and "what memories" they will have to "laugh at" later. Your memories DON'T have to MATCH theirs. You just might be glad in the end that you were guided into the direction you were by your parents as a teen and be thanking them in the end.
You can do WHAT you WANT when you are independent of your parents. This is just a "rite of passage."
Post in the teen forum as well. Then you can get other teens' views.
Your statement...."I love the work, I love to be focusing on these things because that's what I want to do with my life---I want to be in showbusiness. But I don't like that I haven't had those normal experiences.".....My response....It's unfortunate you feel like you are "missing out" on the "normal" experiences of teenage life. There is probably a "method" to your parents madness about "this and that." They are trying to keep you FOCUS on your future and helping you to prepare for your future as YOU want to be in showbusiness.
You come from a family that has to WORK; working class people......that's how it is. They worked for what they have and now it is your turn.
I guess I have a hard time understanding this generation of teens. Your mindset about work and leisure/social time is strange. Seems like most of you want more leisure/social time to do "this and that" and don't like the idea of working hard or spending alot of time working for something. You want it all to come "quick and easy" with minimal work and life just doesn't work that way for MOST people. If you aren't born wealthy.....then welcome to the reality of life.
You will be 18 sooner than you think and you can start making more of your own decisions once on your own.
I didn't experience everything that my teenage peers did and trust me you AREN'T really missing much in my opinion. The men and dances you can ALWAYS do later on in life.....no biggie. I didn't have my first "real" bf until I was 19.....SO WHAT. The world is NOT going to come "crashing" down because you aren't doing everything the other kids/teenagers are doing. In fact, it is probably a "good thing" you AREN'T.
I wouldn't be so worried about "what your friends are doing" and "what memories" they will have to "laugh at" later. Your memories DON'T have to MATCH theirs. You just might be glad in the end that you were guided into the direction you were by your parents as a teen and be thanking them in the end.
You can do WHAT you WANT when you are independent of your parents. This is just a "rite of passage."
Post in the teen forum as well. Then you can get other teens' views.
Thank you both. I do understand what you're saying. I'm just... confused.
I am 16, I will be 17 in 3 weeks on June 15.
I'm not obsessing over this guy. More than anything, I'm just upset knowing they're most likely going to disapprove. I've had no "normal" childhood--everythigng has been about work. Work to get good grades, then get a job ASAP, because we don't have a lot of money. We are required to go to college, so its all work work work. I don't go to school dances, I don't do anything like that. I'm pushed in to things like photoshoots for magazines, and musical performances, if they provide scolarships. I love the work, I love to be focusing on these things because that's what I want to do with my life---I want to be in showbusiness. But I don't like that I haven't had those normal experiences. I don't get to go out almost ever, I have to always be working. If the work was just school and music, that would be great, that's what I want. But it's not.
I've never had the chance to make anything of the crushes I've had on any guy. I've always kept my mouth shut, even when he's my same age, knowing that it would always come back to my parents thinking he'll interfere. And I understand thats their right as parents. I deeply respect their decision, actually. I can tell looking around at my generation, I do think more clearly, and they have made me more mature. But I feel sometimes like I was rushed to grow up. My interests weren't nurtured until they found out those interests could make money, both for college and after college. It's all about getting me out of where I came from, and I deeply appriciate what they've done. I wouldn't change a thing about the way they raised me, because it made me who I am and I like who I am. But I just wish, for once, they would give me the chance to be a teenager and make those mistakes. They won't, though. I have been 80 years old since I turned 12 and could start performing and posing for magazines.
I have to be honest with them, I know I do. I am focused on the future. I told them the other day that I was going to school for music and sound mixing no matter what---I'll let them have some say in what school I go to, but I don't want them to make that decision for me. My dad likes the idea a little bit, but not my mom, because it all comes down to, "Emily, will that make you any money?" The happiness doesn't matter, it's all about money, all the time. Money and working. When I think about my future, I think about having fun, you know? I know how hard its going to be to make it in music. I've spent my childhood auditioning, sometimes being rejects and sometimes not, rehearsing and being broken down then built back up again. But music, dance, acting, creating art of this kind, that's what makes me happy, and that's what I want to spend every last second on my life doing, just creating. And if I'm never a millionaire, I don't care, but I plan on charging forward with that innovators attitude, thinking, "One day everyone will be screaming my name, I'll be beating records like no other and changing music forever". I want to live somewhere where I can be comfortable, and I just want to enjoy my life. But my parents were brought up different, they didn't follow dreams, they went with what paid the best, and so they don't want me to follow that pathos track I'm on right now.
It's just a matter of... missing what I never had. My friends can look back on their childhoods and laugh about stupid things they did, boys they've liked and dated, school dances, going out on a Saturday night. I look back and remember being told my a modeling agency that my back wasn't straight enough. I remember what it was like to be in rehearsal for an audition for 5 hours straight, my father watching me and pointing out every single mistake, making me start over when I messed up. I guess I just want that thing I never had.
But I know it's not that easy. I'm mature enough to recognize that, you know?
I am 16, I will be 17 in 3 weeks on June 15.
I'm not obsessing over this guy. More than anything, I'm just upset knowing they're most likely going to disapprove. I've had no "normal" childhood--everythigng has been about work. Work to get good grades, then get a job ASAP, because we don't have a lot of money. We are required to go to college, so its all work work work. I don't go to school dances, I don't do anything like that. I'm pushed in to things like photoshoots for magazines, and musical performances, if they provide scolarships. I love the work, I love to be focusing on these things because that's what I want to do with my life---I want to be in showbusiness. But I don't like that I haven't had those normal experiences. I don't get to go out almost ever, I have to always be working. If the work was just school and music, that would be great, that's what I want. But it's not.
I've never had the chance to make anything of the crushes I've had on any guy. I've always kept my mouth shut, even when he's my same age, knowing that it would always come back to my parents thinking he'll interfere. And I understand thats their right as parents. I deeply respect their decision, actually. I can tell looking around at my generation, I do think more clearly, and they have made me more mature. But I feel sometimes like I was rushed to grow up. My interests weren't nurtured until they found out those interests could make money, both for college and after college. It's all about getting me out of where I came from, and I deeply appriciate what they've done. I wouldn't change a thing about the way they raised me, because it made me who I am and I like who I am. But I just wish, for once, they would give me the chance to be a teenager and make those mistakes. They won't, though. I have been 80 years old since I turned 12 and could start performing and posing for magazines.
I have to be honest with them, I know I do. I am focused on the future. I told them the other day that I was going to school for music and sound mixing no matter what---I'll let them have some say in what school I go to, but I don't want them to make that decision for me. My dad likes the idea a little bit, but not my mom, because it all comes down to, "Emily, will that make you any money?" The happiness doesn't matter, it's all about money, all the time. Money and working. When I think about my future, I think about having fun, you know? I know how hard its going to be to make it in music. I've spent my childhood auditioning, sometimes being rejects and sometimes not, rehearsing and being broken down then built back up again. But music, dance, acting, creating art of this kind, that's what makes me happy, and that's what I want to spend every last second on my life doing, just creating. And if I'm never a millionaire, I don't care, but I plan on charging forward with that innovators attitude, thinking, "One day everyone will be screaming my name, I'll be beating records like no other and changing music forever". I want to live somewhere where I can be comfortable, and I just want to enjoy my life. But my parents were brought up different, they didn't follow dreams, they went with what paid the best, and so they don't want me to follow that pathos track I'm on right now.
It's just a matter of... missing what I never had. My friends can look back on their childhoods and laugh about stupid things they did, boys they've liked and dated, school dances, going out on a Saturday night. I look back and remember being told my a modeling agency that my back wasn't straight enough. I remember what it was like to be in rehearsal for an audition for 5 hours straight, my father watching me and pointing out every single mistake, making me start over when I messed up. I guess I just want that thing I never had.
But I know it's not that easy. I'm mature enough to recognize that, you know?
Yes, Specialmom has made some valid points. You don't want to get obsessed or "carried away" with this situation with this guy. I am sure that is a fear for your parents that you may get involved with a bf and then start spending more time with him than with things your should be doing.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Emmy, you are such a young lady. are you 16 or 17? I would just take everything slow and keep your focus on all things that push you ahead in life. That includes school, your hobbies, etc.
I'm glad you have someone to like but don't want you to get lost in it all.
Londres gave good advice.
I also want to point out that we have a teen forum that might be hellpful to you as well. good luck
I'm glad you have someone to like but don't want you to get lost in it all.
Londres gave good advice.
I also want to point out that we have a teen forum that might be hellpful to you as well. good luck
Well....leave out the "It's just cute and flirty" part; that might be confusing. Add that you are trying to always be honest with them and that you value their trust and that's why you are coming to them for permission to do this.
I am not sure if they will "completely" cut this relationship off IF they find out you have feelings for this guy or not. I am assuming they might have had you cut all ties with the other boy because at the time you were only 14 and they didn't know the boy. Things might be different since they know this guy; not sure though. If they say NO.....that's that.
Well...don't get all emotional with the "eye-rolling" and mouthiness because you will get NO WHERE doing that. Just tell them what you have just posted LEAVING OUT that one part and ADDING what I suggested and then LET THEM RESPOND.
Write it down.....practice what you are going to say CALMLY and then go for it.
I am not sure if they will "completely" cut this relationship off IF they find out you have feelings for this guy or not. I am assuming they might have had you cut all ties with the other boy because at the time you were only 14 and they didn't know the boy. Things might be different since they know this guy; not sure though. If they say NO.....that's that.
Well...don't get all emotional with the "eye-rolling" and mouthiness because you will get NO WHERE doing that. Just tell them what you have just posted LEAVING OUT that one part and ADDING what I suggested and then LET THEM RESPOND.
Write it down.....practice what you are going to say CALMLY and then go for it.
Yeah, I understand. And I totally agree. Like I said when you commented on my journal, I hate the lying. I'm just trying to sort this whole thing out in my head.
When I was 14, I asked them if I could go out with a guy at my school who was 16. They blocked his phone number from our land line and my cell phone. That's why I'm so worried.
What my hope is is that they'll agree if I explain it to them calmly. If I don't go in acting like a teenager (you know, "Oh I love him so much aaah!" kinda thing) and talk to them maturly, maybe I can convince them to at least understand what I'm thinking. My parents know his parents, they know him. We used to live up the street from him. So I'm hoping that because he's a childhood friend of mine, they'll be okay with it.
What I would like to tell them is, "Mom and dad, I really like this guy. You know him, and if you want you can talk to his parents. You can lay down whatever rules you want to. We're both agreeing to take it slow, not just because of the age difference but because we're young. We're not rushing things. It's just cute and flirty. I've never had a boyfriend before, both of you know that. So if you could please at least allow us to keep talking until I'm 18, I would really appriciate that."
Do you think something like that would work? I don't know how to say this. I don't want to sound like some angsty teenager because that's not the way I am. I'm usually really level-headed. But I'm worried that our differing opinions on the topic, my emotions, and how nervous I am will get in the way, and I'll come across as whiny and desperate instead of responsible. I want them to feel like they can trust me on this. But I don't know how to word it, exactly, you know?
When I was 14, I asked them if I could go out with a guy at my school who was 16. They blocked his phone number from our land line and my cell phone. That's why I'm so worried.
What my hope is is that they'll agree if I explain it to them calmly. If I don't go in acting like a teenager (you know, "Oh I love him so much aaah!" kinda thing) and talk to them maturly, maybe I can convince them to at least understand what I'm thinking. My parents know his parents, they know him. We used to live up the street from him. So I'm hoping that because he's a childhood friend of mine, they'll be okay with it.
What I would like to tell them is, "Mom and dad, I really like this guy. You know him, and if you want you can talk to his parents. You can lay down whatever rules you want to. We're both agreeing to take it slow, not just because of the age difference but because we're young. We're not rushing things. It's just cute and flirty. I've never had a boyfriend before, both of you know that. So if you could please at least allow us to keep talking until I'm 18, I would really appriciate that."
Do you think something like that would work? I don't know how to say this. I don't want to sound like some angsty teenager because that's not the way I am. I'm usually really level-headed. But I'm worried that our differing opinions on the topic, my emotions, and how nervous I am will get in the way, and I'll come across as whiny and desperate instead of responsible. I want them to feel like they can trust me on this. But I don't know how to word it, exactly, you know?
I don't condone keeping "secrets" of this nature from parents; just not a good idea.
Your statement...."I don't want to lie to them, but I know they'll tell me I can never talk to him again if they find out we're (technically) together right now. They're so weird about age stuff." My response.....you are NOT18 yet and your parents are responsible for you until then. If something goes awry with this relationship or while you are with this guy what then? Who do you call or go to to tell what has happened? If you do go through with this and your parents find out you lied to them they probably will feel you aren't "trustworthy" and may not allow you to have alot of privileges and freedom After the fact.
Don't put yourself or your parents in this position. Don't do it. Be HONEST AND UPFRONT with them. Hey, if they say NO, then it is NO. That's the way things go when you are a minor.
Your statement...."I don't want to lie to them, but I know they'll tell me I can never talk to him again if they find out we're (technically) together right now. They're so weird about age stuff." My response.....you are NOT18 yet and your parents are responsible for you until then. If something goes awry with this relationship or while you are with this guy what then? Who do you call or go to to tell what has happened? If you do go through with this and your parents find out you lied to them they probably will feel you aren't "trustworthy" and may not allow you to have alot of privileges and freedom After the fact.
Don't put yourself or your parents in this position. Don't do it. Be HONEST AND UPFRONT with them. Hey, if they say NO, then it is NO. That's the way things go when you are a minor.
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