Aa
Relationship of 6 years is chaotic, help!
My boyfriend of 6 years has relapsed. He was sober for 2 years almost, but now is taking percocets or vicodins to get high. He had a injury to his shoulder and got prescribed percocets for the pain. The pain subsided probably within a week and half, but he still took pills. When the prescription ran out he went and bought them from drug dealers.
Whenever he is on pain killers he gets really moody, very irritable, gets set off easily on little things. I told him two weeks ago that I can't be with him if he is taking those. He promised he would stop and that he doesn't need to take pills because he is not in pain. This last Sunday I found two vicodins in his car and confronted him. He flipped out, started yelling at me for snooping through his stuff, even though the pill bottle was in the open, not hidden. He started calling me a b***h, c**t and telling me that he doesn't have an addiction and that he is in serious pain. I know he is not in pain because he never complains about the pain in his arm.
We made up from that fight and he told me later on that he doesn't need them and will stop. Then last night he told me, "I have every f*****g right to take pills, im in pain!" On top of the pain pills I smelled a very a light smell of alcohol on his breath, it wasn't obvious, but only noticable when he would talk or breath deeply. I confronted him and he swears he never drank, but then would say,"god calm down, it's not like I am drunk or anything, and i didn't drink!" That made me suspicious.
He cheated on me three years ago which makes it difficult to believe someone is gonna be honest now when they lie to me like it's no big deal. I have broken up with him several times over the past weeks and he won't leave. He tells me we are not breaking up and sometimes even gets a little physical. We did break up for a whole day and he ended up going straight to a bar/club obviously to find girls.
I have asked him why he doesn't just let us break up and he says it's because he loves me and knows there is another side of me that isn't crazy. I think I make his life miserable. I don't like it when he hangs out with certain friends, I am always suspicious of him and I think I am clingy at times. I don't understand why he doesn't just let me go. He tells me he can get any girl he wants, but doesn't want any of them he just wants me.
How do I end this once and for all?
Whenever he is on pain killers he gets really moody, very irritable, gets set off easily on little things. I told him two weeks ago that I can't be with him if he is taking those. He promised he would stop and that he doesn't need to take pills because he is not in pain. This last Sunday I found two vicodins in his car and confronted him. He flipped out, started yelling at me for snooping through his stuff, even though the pill bottle was in the open, not hidden. He started calling me a b***h, c**t and telling me that he doesn't have an addiction and that he is in serious pain. I know he is not in pain because he never complains about the pain in his arm.
We made up from that fight and he told me later on that he doesn't need them and will stop. Then last night he told me, "I have every f*****g right to take pills, im in pain!" On top of the pain pills I smelled a very a light smell of alcohol on his breath, it wasn't obvious, but only noticable when he would talk or breath deeply. I confronted him and he swears he never drank, but then would say,"god calm down, it's not like I am drunk or anything, and i didn't drink!" That made me suspicious.
He cheated on me three years ago which makes it difficult to believe someone is gonna be honest now when they lie to me like it's no big deal. I have broken up with him several times over the past weeks and he won't leave. He tells me we are not breaking up and sometimes even gets a little physical. We did break up for a whole day and he ended up going straight to a bar/club obviously to find girls.
I have asked him why he doesn't just let us break up and he says it's because he loves me and knows there is another side of me that isn't crazy. I think I make his life miserable. I don't like it when he hangs out with certain friends, I am always suspicious of him and I think I am clingy at times. I don't understand why he doesn't just let me go. He tells me he can get any girl he wants, but doesn't want any of them he just wants me.
How do I end this once and for all?
I agree with Tinkerbelle. Take charge of your life. This situation is a recipe for disaster.
The most important relationship you will ever have is the relationship you have with yourself-!
It’s the model for every other relationship you enter into. Giving to YOURSELF FIRST is the only way you can really give to others.
In order to genuinely love others, we need to love ourselves first and foremost. You must cultivate self-acceptance and strengthen self-esteem
and this will allow you to better assist, support, and serve the people you love.
pleasing others at the expense of yourself is not the way to take care of yourself.
yes the joy of pleasing someone we love IS wonderful - but not at the expense of yourself.
PUT YOURSELF FIRST.
What about a life coach. Why don't you get one? Preferably in the form of a therapist who can help you sort this out and can help you restore your personal power so that you can stop accepting his abuse.
The most important relationship you will ever have is the relationship you have with yourself-!
It’s the model for every other relationship you enter into. Giving to YOURSELF FIRST is the only way you can really give to others.
In order to genuinely love others, we need to love ourselves first and foremost. You must cultivate self-acceptance and strengthen self-esteem
and this will allow you to better assist, support, and serve the people you love.
pleasing others at the expense of yourself is not the way to take care of yourself.
yes the joy of pleasing someone we love IS wonderful - but not at the expense of yourself.
PUT YOURSELF FIRST.
What about a life coach. Why don't you get one? Preferably in the form of a therapist who can help you sort this out and can help you restore your personal power so that you can stop accepting his abuse.
(sorry, I didn't mean to post yet)
You go on:
"We made up"
& then He said "I have every F***ing right to take pills"
"He cheated on me 3 years ago"
"I've broken up with Him several times but He won't leave"
"and sometimes even gets a "little" (?) physical"
What advice are You looking for??!! I truely don't understand!!!!
It seems He has broken ALL "rules". What more do You need?? WHAT are You holdinng of for!! IT'S YOUR LIFE!! TAKE CHARGE!! TAKE CONTROL!!
PLEASE!!
You go on:
"We made up"
& then He said "I have every F***ing right to take pills"
"He cheated on me 3 years ago"
"I've broken up with Him several times but He won't leave"
"and sometimes even gets a "little" (?) physical"
What advice are You looking for??!! I truely don't understand!!!!
It seems He has broken ALL "rules". What more do You need?? WHAT are You holdinng of for!! IT'S YOUR LIFE!! TAKE CHARGE!! TAKE CONTROL!!
PLEASE!!
SpecialMom advises You well!!
You state: "He was sober for 2 years - "almost"
"He is now taking percocets or vicodin to get high"
"When the perscription ran out He bought them from drug dealers. easily"
He gets really moody, very iritable, gets upset easily"on little things"
"I found Vicodins, confronted Him - He Yelled at me
"I found vicodins, confronted Him, - He Yelled at me, called me, called me a B**ch, C*nt
You state: "He was sober for 2 years - "almost"
"He is now taking percocets or vicodin to get high"
"When the perscription ran out He bought them from drug dealers. easily"
He gets really moody, very iritable, gets upset easily"on little things"
"I found Vicodins, confronted Him - He Yelled at me
"I found vicodins, confronted Him, - He Yelled at me, called me, called me a B**ch, C*nt
You make up your mind to end it. Simple. Human beings are very special creatures, we are able to bend our minds to anything we wish to achieve. I may have a strong desire to lose weight and so I go on a diet and I exercise non stop.
Physical abuse, drugs and cheating? Sweetheart, this man needs divine intervention and you cannot be the one to give it to him. I am happy that you have decided to let him go but I am sorry that you don't know how. He tries to bully you whenever you say you are leaving and then he claims he 'loves' you. Go to the police. Let them know what is happening and that you are afraid of this man. Do not let him fool you with his sweet talk about you being the only girl for him and about him loving you. We never hurt the things we love and he is hurting you emotionally, mentally and physically. You are too valuable for that.
There is a whole world out there to see and all you are seeing is a tiny, unpleasant fraction of it. I am certain that someone who can put up with such nonsense, is deserving of all love and all good things. You do not need to be with someone who you constantly have to be worrying about or suspicious of. He is not a child, he is a grown man and so he needs to deal with him. You can love him and care for him but love and care for you more so that you can understand that this life is not for you.
Anna
Physical abuse, drugs and cheating? Sweetheart, this man needs divine intervention and you cannot be the one to give it to him. I am happy that you have decided to let him go but I am sorry that you don't know how. He tries to bully you whenever you say you are leaving and then he claims he 'loves' you. Go to the police. Let them know what is happening and that you are afraid of this man. Do not let him fool you with his sweet talk about you being the only girl for him and about him loving you. We never hurt the things we love and he is hurting you emotionally, mentally and physically. You are too valuable for that.
There is a whole world out there to see and all you are seeing is a tiny, unpleasant fraction of it. I am certain that someone who can put up with such nonsense, is deserving of all love and all good things. You do not need to be with someone who you constantly have to be worrying about or suspicious of. He is not a child, he is a grown man and so he needs to deal with him. You can love him and care for him but love and care for you more so that you can understand that this life is not for you.
Anna
COMMUNITY LEADER
Oh, I'm really sorry. Sadly, you are aware that he is an addict that is now actively using. Your gut knows he probably drank along with the pill. He is still in his denial phase and that means he is very far away from working on another stint of sobriety.
You really have to leave. He doesn't have to 'let' you break up. You just do it. If there are kids in the picture, it is the right thing to do. He will then make a choice to get sober by working some kind of program that you are aware of and a part of or he will continue to use. If he works to get sober, then you can decide later if you can be with him. But for now, he's tumbling downward and you do not want to go with him.
Al anon is a great program for those who love an addict or alcoholic. It will help you learn how to set boundaries, not be codependent and how to still love someone deep in their addiction without supporting the addiction.
It is impossible to have a real relationship with someone addicted to substance or alcohol. They have something more important than you which causes them to lie and do whatever they have to in order to protect their addiction.
I do wish you luck. I think from this post, you know what is probably best for you to do. Peace
You really have to leave. He doesn't have to 'let' you break up. You just do it. If there are kids in the picture, it is the right thing to do. He will then make a choice to get sober by working some kind of program that you are aware of and a part of or he will continue to use. If he works to get sober, then you can decide later if you can be with him. But for now, he's tumbling downward and you do not want to go with him.
Al anon is a great program for those who love an addict or alcoholic. It will help you learn how to set boundaries, not be codependent and how to still love someone deep in their addiction without supporting the addiction.
It is impossible to have a real relationship with someone addicted to substance or alcohol. They have something more important than you which causes them to lie and do whatever they have to in order to protect their addiction.
I do wish you luck. I think from this post, you know what is probably best for you to do. Peace
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