Aa
stuck
So ive been nothing but stressed its putting a toll on my relationship nd my health idk what to do im in charge of the money for the bills my hisband gets paid gives me money to know where it goes we r so behind idk what to do when it comes to getting baby stuff we dont struggle cuz hes always fiest which is great but other bills is a huge struggle ! Im late 300 dallors on car payment the new one is due on the 8th cell phone 180 is due dec 3 rent is due dec 1 we need gas for thus week we have to get a ham for thanksgiving to help with food i have a gidr exchange we need tons of at stuff for the house idk what to do :( im sry i need to vent nd we owe my dad a 1000 dallors for r deposit towards the place we just moved in
Ya he tells me he wants a job that earns more but soesnt step up i totally agree ive talked ro him nd havent seen him doing any apps :( i also asked him to do some stuff around the house nd he tells me yes mom that i act like his mom maybe its how i said it i agree with u guys
Well said rose.
Bree, I know this has been an ongoing issue with your husband (him not stepping up and doing whatever it takes). That needs to be addressed. I agree with rose, your parents are probably worried. This has been a pattern, not just like a bad month. With the baby to raise, they are probably very worried you won't be able to make ends meet (which you are struggling with)
I think a serious heart to heart with your hubby is in order. If he doesn't pull his head out of his hind end, I don't know what you should do, but I would recommend giving it a lot of thought sweetie.
Bree, I know this has been an ongoing issue with your husband (him not stepping up and doing whatever it takes). That needs to be addressed. I agree with rose, your parents are probably worried. This has been a pattern, not just like a bad month. With the baby to raise, they are probably very worried you won't be able to make ends meet (which you are struggling with)
I think a serious heart to heart with your hubby is in order. If he doesn't pull his head out of his hind end, I don't know what you should do, but I would recommend giving it a lot of thought sweetie.
Bree, I'm kind of in the situation your parents are in. I have a son who is 22 and he's supporting himself about 75%. It makes my husband crazy that he's not living in a cheaper place, working more hours or at a different job, and trying hard to be frugal. It's like, we don't see the end in sight at all.
I think that's how your parents feel. You're married with a baby and they're probably very worried that you'll never be able to support yourselves, and aren't motivated to make the choices that will make you independent.
Reading this, it sounds preachy and rude and I don't want it to sound that way. I'm just giving you the perspective of your parents, and my guess is your dad is very very worried for his daughter.
I think that's how your parents feel. You're married with a baby and they're probably very worried that you'll never be able to support yourselves, and aren't motivated to make the choices that will make you independent.
Reading this, it sounds preachy and rude and I don't want it to sound that way. I'm just giving you the perspective of your parents, and my guess is your dad is very very worried for his daughter.
Yes the sad thing is we split the rent with my mom nd shes constantly expecting alot ahe knows we r struggling nd doesnt help. My dad bugs me about the money all the time even though he knows we dont have it hes the one who kicked us out when we said we needed one more month.and im currently am working pt time but im only make like 250 in 2 weekswhich is nothing!!:( i let my hubby know he aaid hes sstressed as well ive been looking for a new job but its hard cuz my mom is the only one who can watch the baby and my hubby always talks about wanting to earn but never takes the next step idk my dad always say im more of a go getter. And thank u all for ur previous comments .!:)
I agree with everything the others have said, and I want to add that you need to look down the road a year or two and see if there is an end in sight.
Do you a possibility that your husband will be making enough money to maintain a family in a few years, or do you see little change in his ability to earn income?
In general, do you think he's making enough money to live on and you can cut expenses, or is his salary not really enough to live on even though you try?
I'm surprised you're being asked to bring the ham, which is actually the only expensive thing at a Thanksgiving dinner. Everything else is cheap except the ham. Does your family not know that you are in tight financial times?
Do you a possibility that your husband will be making enough money to maintain a family in a few years, or do you see little change in his ability to earn income?
In general, do you think he's making enough money to live on and you can cut expenses, or is his salary not really enough to live on even though you try?
I'm surprised you're being asked to bring the ham, which is actually the only expensive thing at a Thanksgiving dinner. Everything else is cheap except the ham. Does your family not know that you are in tight financial times?
I couldn't agree more with sm's advice. Definitely get your husband in on this struggle. It's VERY hard to juggle that stuff and carry that burden alone. Maybe he can pick up some extra work for starters?
I agree that you're going to need to find a way to generate some income. There are lots of ways to do that. You could get a job (even just PT to start) the opposite shift that your husband works, that way you're not spending money on daycare (expensive!). Have a yard sale, sell some extra stuff on eBay, there are all kinds of ways to bring in some extra money. I do agree that it looks like you guys need a second income, probably on a regular basis. If there comes a time where you're not struggling so much, you can always go back to being a stay at home Mom.
I also agree that you MUST sit down with hubby and go through everything, make a budget, and you BOTH have to stick to it very rigidly. If you BOTH don't adhere to the agreement, it will not only cause more money problems, but it will cause a strain in your marriage, a lot of resentment.
Cut out ANY expenses that aren't absolutely necessary. Gift exchange? No way. We've been in tight spots before and we had no problem telling everyone that we weren't doing grab bags and we cut WAY back on gifts for people, eliminating people from our lists (like my sister and her hubby, and she's asked to do the same years where THEY were tight). Holidays aren't supposed to stress you out worrying about buying people gifts. Generally speaking for holiday gifts, there are inexpensive yet thoughtful gifts you can put together yourself that people would appreciate, like making a photo calendar, that kind of thing. Making cookies or soup in a jar (ever seen those?) with a cute decorative recipe label? Anyway, no gift exchanges, no eating out, and like sm said, most of the things you mentioned can wait. All you're doing is stressing yourself out.
Prioritize...rent comes first, along with car payment, utilities, the big things. Like sm said, call the creditors to whom you owe money and are late. They WILL work with you. It's MUCH better to keep in contact with them than to be late or skip a payment with no contact. That's the worst thing you can do....don't be afraid to call them (or answer the phone if they call). They truly will help you find a solution. Also, call your utility companies, most will have a budget plan where you pay a reasonable monthly amount each month instead of a very high bill at certain times of the year, and low during other times.
Cut the excess over the top things, like cable...reduce your plan to a cheaper/less channel plan for a while until you get to a better place. You don't have to have top notch cell phones, those kinds of excesses should be the first things budgeted out. There are ways to grocery shop to get the most for your money. Obviously, the baby stuff isn't cheap, and isn't something you can cut so you can't do much with that, but for YOU guys, buy off brand products, eat a lot of PB&J sandwiches and ramen noodles, mac and cheese. It CAN be done. The problem for MOST people is that they don't really make a concerted effort to REALLY budget and change things, they just continue to live above their means and not address their debts, which eventually leads to disaster.
The money you owe your Dad can wait. Just keep him informed, and pay him as much as you can when you can. Most people are understanding. I'm sure he wouldn't want you to put yourselves in a worse financial situation by paying him when you can't afford your rent. Just (again, like your other creditors) keep the lines of communication open, let him know you haven't forgotten and pay what you can when you can, even if it's $20 a month. As long as you're making an effort and he knows you haven't blown it off, he'll be okay with waiting I'm sure.
Can't you ask to bring something different for T-giving? There are lots of more inexpensive dishes you could make. I would just sit down with your Mom (MIL?) and be honest about your situation, and ask if you could bring something else, like a potato dish maybe? Potatoes are cheap!
There are lots and lots of ways to save money. I know it's hard, but it can be done. You and your hubby need to put a plan in place quickly and make the necessary changes, including you getting a job. The faster you do those things, the better, because this stuff will just balloon into disaster. You're in the position to remedy this NOW before it gets any worse, which is a GREAT thing. Hang onto that thought. Most people wait until they're drowning and facing repo and eviction before they act. You're smart to be addressing this now.
I wish you the best, I feel for you. I've been blessed for the most part with a good deal of financial security, but man, we've been in some rough spots too, and yes, it's awful and scary....the stuff that keeps you up at night. So, I know how that feels. The most important thing sm told you was to share the burden with your husband. I've made the mistake of trying to handle big money problems in the past by myself, and it was awful. Caused all kinds of problems. PLEASE make sure this is BOTH of your problem.
Take care dear. Hope things get better soon for you guys!
I agree that you're going to need to find a way to generate some income. There are lots of ways to do that. You could get a job (even just PT to start) the opposite shift that your husband works, that way you're not spending money on daycare (expensive!). Have a yard sale, sell some extra stuff on eBay, there are all kinds of ways to bring in some extra money. I do agree that it looks like you guys need a second income, probably on a regular basis. If there comes a time where you're not struggling so much, you can always go back to being a stay at home Mom.
I also agree that you MUST sit down with hubby and go through everything, make a budget, and you BOTH have to stick to it very rigidly. If you BOTH don't adhere to the agreement, it will not only cause more money problems, but it will cause a strain in your marriage, a lot of resentment.
Cut out ANY expenses that aren't absolutely necessary. Gift exchange? No way. We've been in tight spots before and we had no problem telling everyone that we weren't doing grab bags and we cut WAY back on gifts for people, eliminating people from our lists (like my sister and her hubby, and she's asked to do the same years where THEY were tight). Holidays aren't supposed to stress you out worrying about buying people gifts. Generally speaking for holiday gifts, there are inexpensive yet thoughtful gifts you can put together yourself that people would appreciate, like making a photo calendar, that kind of thing. Making cookies or soup in a jar (ever seen those?) with a cute decorative recipe label? Anyway, no gift exchanges, no eating out, and like sm said, most of the things you mentioned can wait. All you're doing is stressing yourself out.
Prioritize...rent comes first, along with car payment, utilities, the big things. Like sm said, call the creditors to whom you owe money and are late. They WILL work with you. It's MUCH better to keep in contact with them than to be late or skip a payment with no contact. That's the worst thing you can do....don't be afraid to call them (or answer the phone if they call). They truly will help you find a solution. Also, call your utility companies, most will have a budget plan where you pay a reasonable monthly amount each month instead of a very high bill at certain times of the year, and low during other times.
Cut the excess over the top things, like cable...reduce your plan to a cheaper/less channel plan for a while until you get to a better place. You don't have to have top notch cell phones, those kinds of excesses should be the first things budgeted out. There are ways to grocery shop to get the most for your money. Obviously, the baby stuff isn't cheap, and isn't something you can cut so you can't do much with that, but for YOU guys, buy off brand products, eat a lot of PB&J sandwiches and ramen noodles, mac and cheese. It CAN be done. The problem for MOST people is that they don't really make a concerted effort to REALLY budget and change things, they just continue to live above their means and not address their debts, which eventually leads to disaster.
The money you owe your Dad can wait. Just keep him informed, and pay him as much as you can when you can. Most people are understanding. I'm sure he wouldn't want you to put yourselves in a worse financial situation by paying him when you can't afford your rent. Just (again, like your other creditors) keep the lines of communication open, let him know you haven't forgotten and pay what you can when you can, even if it's $20 a month. As long as you're making an effort and he knows you haven't blown it off, he'll be okay with waiting I'm sure.
Can't you ask to bring something different for T-giving? There are lots of more inexpensive dishes you could make. I would just sit down with your Mom (MIL?) and be honest about your situation, and ask if you could bring something else, like a potato dish maybe? Potatoes are cheap!
There are lots and lots of ways to save money. I know it's hard, but it can be done. You and your hubby need to put a plan in place quickly and make the necessary changes, including you getting a job. The faster you do those things, the better, because this stuff will just balloon into disaster. You're in the position to remedy this NOW before it gets any worse, which is a GREAT thing. Hang onto that thought. Most people wait until they're drowning and facing repo and eviction before they act. You're smart to be addressing this now.
I wish you the best, I feel for you. I've been blessed for the most part with a good deal of financial security, but man, we've been in some rough spots too, and yes, it's awful and scary....the stuff that keeps you up at night. So, I know how that feels. The most important thing sm told you was to share the burden with your husband. I've made the mistake of trying to handle big money problems in the past by myself, and it was awful. Caused all kinds of problems. PLEASE make sure this is BOTH of your problem.
Take care dear. Hope things get better soon for you guys!
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi, Oh, money problems are so very stressful. I would call whomever you are behind in payment to. Let them know the situation and see if you can work out payment plan. I would then really clear out anything that is not something you need to live. Examples--- gift exchange. This year you just tell the group that you can not participate and you are so sorry but you are working through bills and have not a penny left over. House things can wait. clothes can wait. Anything extra at all can wait. Then prioritize what has to be paid. I'd assume rent is first over the phone. Save for rent first.
Then the reality is, you may need to get a job as well to help with living expenses. If you are not able to make enough money to pay current bills---- then it's a combination of earning more either by your husband getting a second job or you getting a job and cutting back on expenses.
I know that is really hard and I'm so sorry you have to go through that. Life is rough these days. I have my days in which I feel panicky over money too. I understand where you are coming from.
Wishing you the best--- oh. and make sure to talk to your husband about the lack of funds and things are late and starting to pile up. don't try to hide it from him. peace
Then the reality is, you may need to get a job as well to help with living expenses. If you are not able to make enough money to pay current bills---- then it's a combination of earning more either by your husband getting a second job or you getting a job and cutting back on expenses.
I know that is really hard and I'm so sorry you have to go through that. Life is rough these days. I have my days in which I feel panicky over money too. I understand where you are coming from.
Wishing you the best--- oh. and make sure to talk to your husband about the lack of funds and things are late and starting to pile up. don't try to hide it from him. peace
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