Waiting to have children vs Wife wants them Now

[MarkStarr]

So, Im a 31 year old man who's been married for almost 3 years, to a wonderful lady, my wife, who is 25. In the past year or so, my wife has really been stepping up the pressure on me for us to start a family and for her to start having children, I had some reservations and might prefer to wait just another year or two before starting.

My wife and I have always talked about having children after we got married, and we would typically talk about having kids in the range of "3 to 5 years" after getting married. Also, my wife has always wanted to be a stay at home mom, which I think is great, and she has always planned to quit her job shortly after becoming pregnant with us planning on living only on 1 income (mine) with me working fulltime.  I try to be diligent about the family budget and generally speaking, in order for me to be able to financially facilliate supporting our family on just my income, I need to continue to focus on paying off our few remaining credit cards, student loans and one of our cars.

Is it wrong for me to want to wait longer before starting to have children, so that we can pay off a few more debts and my wife can afford to stay home with the children, like she has always wanted?

[ChristineMP]

I think this is the third one of your posts I've responded to :)

Given the additional information you posted on the other forums (your anxiety, your wife's 2-3 pack a day cigarette smoking habit) I think you are right to wait. Your wife sounds immature. She needs to quit smoking before she even THINKS about becoming pregnant

...and you are right to want to be sure you can afford to support a family BEFORE she quits her job to stay home. Get the debts paid off (your total debt payments, including rent/mortgage, credits cards, car payment, student loans) should be no more than 40% of YOUR income...and you need to make sure your residual is enough to cover everything else). You need an emergency fund of at least 6 months expenses, you need good health insurance, life insurance and disability insurance.  You need to cover all the "What ifs" (what if YOU get hurt and cannot work? What if you get laid off and have to survive on unemployment until you find another job? What if your car has a major issue and needs repair (how are you going to get to work while it is in the shop?)or replacement (how are you going to pay off the car AND buy a replacement?)

You may want to see both a marriage counselor AND a financial analyst to go over things with BOTH of you and help you both to come to a negotiated agreement as to what needs to happen before you add a child to the mix.

[BluCrystal]

You are well aware already that children are expensive, and good that you are aware of your financial responsibilities.  I have found that people will always owe somebody something, kids or not.  If you try to pay off everything before you have a family, you'll find yourself too old to do it, and your wife gone to find another (willing) father for her children.  I say relax about the finances, while still remaining smart about it.  I and my husband have been parents of four for 22 years now, and there is always something to be paid, but we are happy to have enjoyed our children in spite of any debt.  Children are a precious part of life for many, many people, regardless of money.  So go find your wife and start making a baby... for BOTH of you! - Blu