father likes to see (Grand)Daughters naked

[qfingerfl]

I have seen so many discussions on this I would like to get some opinions.  I have a bunch of daughters and granddaughters and I enjoy seeing them naked or sexily dressed.  I have talked about this with some of the older ones and gotten various reactions.  I tell them (and its true) it is not a sexual thing but I think pride and beauty.  I always have loved the female body both sexually and as art, and my family happens to be extremely beautiful. But when I see them (I do not ask it just happens) I see them as I would a beautiful statue or painting.  There is no sexual lust.  I have always been very close to all of my family and have never done anything inappropriate and never even made them feel uncomfortable.  I recently shared a room with my early 20's granddaughter on a trip and never had a single uncomfortable moment though there was little privacy and she is drop dead gorgeous.  But seeing all the discussions I am beginning to wonder if I should see a shrink, as most seem to think it is totally perverted.    CONFUSED  

[breccans_mommy]

You enjoy seeing them sexually dressed? That right there is perverted in itself. If you enjoyed art you would enjoy them dressing conservatively as a lady should. And why are you seeing them naked in a hotel ? I don't know a single living being that would be naked in front of their father/ grandfather at such mature ages. No offense but you can sugar coat this post as much as you want sir but clearly there is something very off about all of it and very inappropriate

[nursegirl6572]

I haven't commented, but I've read the thread a few times.

You seem to have the impression that folks here are exaggerating the situation.  I think that certain words you use in this context is what is very alarming, and they're reacting.  The posters have asked you some very good, very fair questions, some of which you seem to be avoiding as well.

I think it's great that you're willing to explore this with a professional, I think it's important that you do that.  I think, regardless of your true intentions, your thought process isn't "normal".  As in, most grandfathers wouldn't have to question whether or not it's appropriate to not turn their head when one of their daughters or granddaughters is scantily clad.  That's a no brainer.  There's nothing wrong with appreciating that you have beautiful grandchildren, but the CONTEXT in which you talk about it, including the verbiage (words like "sexy", "drop dead gorgeous", etc) is concerning.  Those are terms not usually used when a grandfather is describing a grandchild.  That would be more appropriate in the context of a love/sexual interest.  THAT'S where the huge red flags are coming up for me.

Good luck to you, hope you find some answers.

[qfingerfl]

I have already said that I was going to a professional.  I also did not say I do not LOVE seeing all my girls whether in snowsuits or whatever.  This started out as a discussion as to whether as a close male family member it was improper that I would not turn my head if one of the family female's happened to come in the room in anything less than full public dress and has spiraled way out of control.  In any case I appreciate your comments and wish you well.

[remar]

I understand looking at a woman because of their beauty. My daughter is incredibly beautiful and I always look at her in amazement. Her father does too. But, if he ever said he enjoyed seeing our daughter in any state of undress or sexy clothes I would most likely, well, lets just say, I would end up in jail.
If you had come here and said you like to look at the beautiful women in your family only because they're beautiful that would be a different story. But, you did say naked and in sexy clothes. Of course you're going to have people say it's not right.
I would highly recommend you take everyone's advice and seek therapy for this.  

[vicki595]

..."I enjoy seeing them naked".   You shouldn't enjoy that. It means there's something off in your psychological make up. Something aberrant...and I ASKED if you were sneakily spying. It was a question, not an accusation...

So, you haven't seen a psychiatrist yet?  

AND...what did your older children say? I already asked and you have avoided the question...

[qfingerfl]

Just wanted to clear up the name.  I was extremely good on a 10 key adding machine and was called quick fingers because of it.  Due to the length allowed in names I shortened it.  I have already said I am going to see a professional, but it is amazing to me how people responding have changed what I said.  I never said Ogling, I never said I only wanted to see them naked, I never said sneakily, I never said I try to see them this way,  WOW!   I have seen them in various states of undress because they feel comfortable around me.  When I do, I do not mind, and in fact enjoy it,  while many people have said they feel like they have done something wrong or dirty and would turn their head if someone walked by in front of them not suitably attired.  I have been alone with virtually all I have mentioned in a hotel room and have never done anything even remotely improper.  Still, do to the agreement, will see a pro.  The last thing I want to do is hurt someone I love.  OBW I have over a dozen girls in my immediate family.

[Londres70]

First you say....."thank you all for your replies and will consider each and everyone".....then you go on to say "Personally I think you guys are too hung up on this stuff."  We are simply responding to your post; nothing more and nothing less; our opinions.  

I doubt you will find anyone who will see this situation appropriate UNLESS he/she has a problems with boundaries as well.

Let me ask you this.........if this is no big deal or if this is being made into a bigger deal than it is why don't you just tell all your daughters and all your granddaughters what you do and see what they say?  You even stated you didn't especially want to say anything to the younger ones because it might make them "feel funny."

This is deviant and should be addressed immediately.

Words like "sexy" and "naked" usually are associated with sex.

[vicki595]

I agree, your behavior is definitely deviant. You say it's not sexual but you only want to see these women and girls either naked or sexily dressed. Can you see where that's ambiguous?  

Another thing that I found interesting was your remark that you have "a bunch" of daughters and granddaughters. You don't say how many you have, as I would expect, when you find them so beautiful...It's like they're objects...

I'd be curious to read about the actual responses of your older children when you told them about your lascivious behavior. Also, what are their reactions when you look at them and they're naked? Do they know you're looking? Or are you sneakily spying?

I'm not an expert on perversions but I am a healthcare professional and, in my opinion, you're a very sick man.  You need to get this checked before you hurt someone...

And, by the way, what's with your screen name?  Can you explain?

[Chima7]

You said in your first post that you ogle your daughters and granddaughters when they dress sexy. Whether or not you want to admit it, that is way inappropriate for a father and grandfather to see his family members in a sexual way. Because you identify their look as "sexy", that's what crosses the line from being just aesthetically pretty to deviant thoughts which require therapist intervention.

It is concerning that you think everyone here is overly prudish. It makes me wonder if maybe someone was inappropriate with you when you were younger, so that now as an adult you have an issue with proper familial boundaries.

Do you understand the difference between ogling your daughter's friends who are not related vs. your daughters and granddaughters? Do you understand the difference? Because there is a huge difference and I'm glad you've decided to get counseling because its very important for you to understand the difference and why your behavior is deviant.

[Joy1a]

I totally agree!!! Amen

[qfingerfl]

Personally I think you guys are too hung up on this stuff.  I have felt this way since my first was born near 50 years ago and have never even thought about doing anything inappropriate. But seeing as you seem to be in agreement I will be talking to a professional  

[AnnieBrooke]

I see it as a serious lack of boundaries also.  Like either you identify so closely with them that you think their beauty "like a statue or painting" is you, or that you are like those dads who molest their kids because they think the kids are "mine and I can do what I want with them."  Neither is good; normal humans have boundaries so they don't confuse others' sexuality with their own or see it as an invitation to infringe on others' privacy.  If it was totally (and merely) about admiring beauty, you would be as likely to resonate to the beautiful males as to the beautiful females, yet you keep specifying sexy females and female beauty.  This makes me think you are doing a lot of rationalizing and that lust has a lot to do with it.  Please do see a therapist and go into this.  You might learn a lot of interesting stuff about why you're coming from this place.  In the meantime, take responsibility and stop ogling your relations, and for heaven's sake, stop sharing rooms.

[Londres70]

Sounds like you have issues with boundaries and I would HIGHLY recommend you consult a professional about this.  Not sure if your family upbringing or your past has something to do with this or not.  Hope this looking doesn't turn into anything more.  The looking is horrible enough.

Ask yourself this:  Is this something you could share with your daughters and granddaughter and something that they would approve of and wouldn't mind you doing?  Would they be comfortable with this?  Would they encourage you to continue this?  If the answer is NO, then you know you shouldn't be doing it and shouldn't need to ask others if this is appropriate or not.  I doubt they would EVER consent to this.  

You are taking advantage of your daughters and granddaughters without their acknowledgement or their awareness which I find despicable.  

Do you think your granddaughter would have ever shared a room with you if she knew this?  NO WAY.  

Get some help before this gets out of hand.  

[specialmom]

It's just, to be honest, a little creepy.  I would take this to your grave from now on and avoid EVER looking at either your daughters or granddaughters or anyone's granddaughters that are over the age of 5 naked.  it's really not appropriate.  Admire beauty of family with clothes on and know that it is just a bit odd to discuss your naked kids and grandkids with others and talking about how much you like to see them that way.  

And in total honesty, if my father ever told me he enjoyed looking at me or my kids naked, he'd have his OWN room on vacation.  I would really be uncomfortable with you being around my kids.  good luck

[qfingerfl]

I thank you all for your replies and will consider each and everyone.  Just for clarification, my Granddaughter and I were on a trip and staying in hotels.  That is the reason we shared a room.  Also just to keep the facts straight, I talked to my son who is almost 50 and my oldest girls who are all over 30 one over 40.  I would not say anything to the younger ones as I would be afraid of making them feel funny.

[Chima7]

I think you're treading a very fine line between what's appropriate and NOT. I strongly suggest you reign it in before you start a major scandal within your family.

[RockRose]

The fact that you've gotten "various reactions" from your family members when you tell the you like to see them naked should be an indication to you.  Certainly,  NO  ONE would be comfortable with grandpa saying he likes to see you naked.

Really.

The fact is,  men do get wrapped around the little fingers of their pretty daughters and grand daughters.  That's just life - it pleases men to be around pretty girls and women.  

When you feel free to SAY it to them,  that you like to see them naked,  yee gads that's a different thing entirely.

I have three young adult sons,  and lots of nieces and nephews,  and they are beautiful.  I appreciate their beauty.  It wouldn't occur to me to think about them naked,  much less COMMENT on it.

I think you're running the risk of being shunned by some in the family who won't want you around their little girls anymore.  

[specialmom]

Sounds really odd to me.  I'm surprised your friends aren't starting to keep their daughters and granddaughters away from you.  This would be my inclination.  good luck

[AnnieBrooke]

*than* to act out in this way (i.e., looking at them sexily dressed with appreciation, and sharing a room)

[AnnieBrooke]

I admire how pretty my son is (he is six), he has absolutely lovely, perfect skin that any woman would kill to have, and beautiful long legs.  And I am clear that this is just aesthetic admiration.  But I think if I felt that way when he was 16, not 6, I would question at what point my female natural hormonal reactions are coloring my admiration.  I think it would be fine for you to see a shrink, it certainly won't hurt you.  Incest taboo is pretty universal and ingrained in humans, and it's a little surprising that yours wouldn't have kicked in to stop you from sharing a room with a granddaughter in her early 20s.  Sometimes it is just time to stop, no matter how innocent or aesthetic you have told yourself your reactions are.  (I don't see you mentioning you like to see your grandsons naked or sexily dressed, and that alone would suggest that some natural male reaction to the female is coming in under the radar and keeping you more interested than perhaps you should be.)  Err on the side of protecting the kids.  You are old enough to know better to act out in this way, talk to the counselor.