What now?

[pjoa1161]

For four years they have been together. They bought a house 8months ago.

Now, I didn't know that since 2 months ago. But all summer, we were dating. And it was passionate love. I know it was reciprocal. But as soon as I found out he had a girlfriend, I cut contact, and told the girl.

Now, I know she is really jealous. She is checking his cellphone, made him change his status to "in a relationship" on facebook. But after a recent trip to visit his brother, I heard from him again. He said he misses me so much. He has knots in his stomach and can barely concentrates, he was happy without knowing it, etc..

I know he is in a rough spot, and it is difficult for both of them. But I really don't want to get between them even more. I feel bad, but I really love him. I don't expect to get him back. But it is killing me to see him struggling with his emotions. He told me he doesn't want to hurt either of us.

Now, I also know that he is not talking about this to anyone. He is totally cutting himself from any social activities or his friends. It looks terrible.

4 years in a relationship in our early 20s feels like it is all we ever known. So I understand why it is so difficult for them to come to a solution.But at the same time, is it ridiculous for the girl to stay with him knowing he cheating on her for 3 months? And also, I talked to her and he lied all along about what happened between us....  

It puts me in a terrible position. And I don't know what to think. What would be your opinion on their relationship? I don't want him back. I will always have feelings. But I want to know if they will survive this.

[Londres70]

Will agree with that one AB......well said.

[AnnieBrooke]

Apparently this guy devoted more than a few minutes to cheating.  It is his modus operandi of life.

[RainLover71]

It takes a lifetime to be faithful but only a few minutes of not thinking clearly to cheat.

[specialmom]

look for someone that has a strong moral fiber when choosing a partner and don't waste your time on known cheaters.  

[RainLover71]

Yet another post about CHEATING--when will it end?Hes a bad egg,not worth the time of day.

[Londres70]

The guy was in a 4 year relationship with another girl, not married with her.

[Nighthawk61]

Actually, he's already cheated on you for your entire relationship, and that should be enough for you. Your interest in whether they make it or not, really should not be your business. He cheated on you too, and chose his wife. You say "You don't expect to get him back", like it is an option if he leaves his wife. I don't get it? Are you saying that you don't mind polygamy, cause it sounds like he wants to have more than one wife, to me. Remember, he loves this girl, he's the type who can love more than one woman at a time, are you saying this is okay for you? If it were me, I'd be pretty pissed that a man i was dating was already taken in a long term relationship, and he was using me as a side dish, but you don't seem to be angry about that at all. Simply you say, "you don't expect to get him back."??? I'm confused, are you confused?

[specialmom]

Yes, move on hon.  Block his number.  And know that he would be a horrible boyfriend if he left his girlfriend for you.  He's a cheater.  Yuck!!  And if he cheats on her when in a long term relationship, bet your bottom dollar he'd cheat on you if you were the girlfriend.  Not worth it sweetie.

And the best and right thing to do is to stay out of the drama between them.  No more contact at all.  good luck

[Londres70]

In my opinion, you BOTH can do better than this guy who sounds like he wants to do what HE wants to do.  

You BOTH need to get RID of him.  

"But at the same time, is it ridiculous for the girl to stay with him knowing he cheating on her for 3 months? And also, I talked to her and he lied all along about what happened between us...."  Let me ask you this.  Isn't it RIDICULOUS to be WORRIED about the relationship between this guy and his gf of FOUR YEARS?  Isn't it RIDICULOUS to have "feelings" for a man that is nothing more than a "liar" and "cheat?"

"It puts me in a terrible position. And I don't know what to think. What would be your opinion on their relationship? I don't want him back. I will always have feelings. But I want to know if they will survive this."  Dear, this doesn't put you in ANY "terrible" position.  You are putting yourself in THEIR business which is NOT necessary.

Stay out of it and move on.  Their relationship is NOT your business.  

I would assume forget him and his drama/nonsense.    

  

[AnnieBrooke]

"He told me he doesn't want to hurt either of us" is what a man says when he still wants to get away with having sex with both women.  His pining and sadness is merely feeling sorry for himself, he loved the drama with you and he misses it, and of course the sex with two different women.  Forget the lying cheater, you deserve better.  You don't believe it now, but you can love someone else just as fervently as you loved him.  Don't overdramatize as though he is the last man around.  (And if he were, do you want a guy who specializes in infidelity?  The ground under your feet would always be at risk of sliding.)

[TTinKKerBBell]

No one can predict if They will survive this.   He cheated on Her!! WHILE He cheated on You !! - that should be enough information for You about His character.  She's another story - She has much more invested in this -four Years, a home - much more to lose than You.  My sympathy is with Her.

that being said,

If I were You I would question why You "love Him so much".  What's to Admire or Respect in a man You know to be a cheat??   Don't You want to Love a Man who You can Respect, Admire and TRUST??........ He's HER problem.  You should Respect YourSelf enough to move on and look for a Man who has Principles and Morals and doesn't cheat.

Good Luck

[thatquietgirl]

I would leave them alone.  You don't want to cause yourself more hearache.  I would cut all contact with the guy on top of that.  You know he is capable of lying, deceiving, and cheating.  These are not good qualities in a person or something you should want in a potential mate.  If he did it to her, he could do it to you if he were to break up with this other girl, this girl whom he dated for four years.  He's not someone to pursue or worth letting yourself care about.  Disentangle yourself from this messy web he has built.  He needs to figure things out and there's no way your presence could help any.

You ask how she could stay with him after he cheated on her for three months.  You should be asking yourself how you could truly love him after three months and how you could want to be with someone who cheated on someone else and could do the same to you if he left the other girl or she left him and he went to you.

Put some space, sort through things.  Figure out you.  It would not be a good thing for you to have a relationship with this man if he became available.