What now?

[SomeGuyOnThisPlanet]

I’m a pretty shy guy and have been single for a very long time. Then I met my girlfriend about 6 months ago. It was she who initiated our relationship. We were having a wonderful time together. After some months we both faced several difficulties not related to our relationship in our lives. Because of a stupid misunderstanding we had a horrible argument. Afterwards I felt guilty and devastated, fearing she would break up with me any minute. However, she didn’t and we settled the argument a few days later. It was around this time when a thought slowly crept into my conscious mind: do we really belong together?
When we were together this thought vanished and we always had a good time together. Then I started to feel worse. A sadness I’ve never experienced in my life began to be my dominant  feeling. I began to question our relationship even more and started to feel more and more guilty towards my girlfriend, since these feelings wouldn’t allow me to really be a good  boyfriend. I began to question my ability to have a good relationship and started to feel unworthy, thinking she deserved a better boyfriend.
These feelings together with my doubts regarding our relationship led me to talk with my girlfriend about this issue recently. It was a very difficult discussion for both of us. Actually I was a bit surprised that our relationship didn’t end at this point. Instead she wants me to talk about my issues with someone or maybe seek professional help.
I hate not being able to tell my girlfriend that I will be alright, that I want to be with her, that I miss her. If she asked me if I wanted to continue our relationship, I wouldn't know what to answer. I feel as if I could cry all day, unable to be productive next to my work. However, I try to pull myself together as good as I can, but I don’t know what to do anymore. What’s going on with me? Do I need professional help?

[SomeGuyOnThisPlanet]

Thank you all very much for your comments.

Jenk1967: Yes, I think there might be some truth in me trying to sabotage the relationship in order to avoid getting hurt and avoid future pain.

There is an issue I didn't mention in the post above: I have trouble getting an erection as I found out with my girlfriend. The condition, as it is now, makes having sexual intercourse impossible. My girlfriend tried quite a few things to  help me get an erection. And it indeed always helped a bit, but not quite enough. At least I could bring her to climax each time by other means… We always have a lot (sometimes several hours) of pretty hot foreplay, when we see each other, which both of us enjoy a lot. But then, when it comes to sex, I want, but can’t perform. This is distressing me a lot. I know that this has possibly a physical cause, but I didn’t yet dare to have a check-up.

[jenk1967]

Hi,  I have a few questions for you, just because I don't  understand something.  What was the "stupid misunderstanding" about?  Was it to do with something that you *should* or *have* or would feel guilty about?  That could be why you are feeling guilty.  How old are you both?  You said you have been single for a long time...do you think maybe inside you are just afraid of the situation...being in a relationship, and maybe somehow, deep down inside yourself, you are trying to sabbotage it...so that you don't get hurt, or lose your freedom of being single and uncommitted???  Sorry, I'm just writing what I'm thinking..I don't understand the dichotomy of "you missing her, wanting to be with her..." and you not knowing what to say if she wants to continue the relationship"...that makes no sense to me!!  If you LOVE her, then you would stay if she asked.  IDK I do think you should seek some kind of counseling...and honestly, it sounds like she loves you, really loves you from what you've said about her.  Do you love her?  

[CML2014]

Hi Some Guy,

It sounds like the argument you had was a turning point.  In my opinion you may need to look at what it was about and if the resolution is what is causing you to question if you are right for each other.

Perhaps you believe she should not have forgiven you , and you may wonder why she would allow herself to be treated that way and still forgive you.  This may have been the first time you ever had an argument and it made you see her and you in a different light.

It is a bit confusing, and perhaps you should talk to a professional about these feelings.

Good Luck,
CML

[thirdtimemum]

I'm not sure I'm fully understanding your dilemma here, but do you think this is a self esteem issue you are having within yourself? Do you feel you are not good enough for her? If this is the case then yes, maybe some professional help would help you within yourself.
However, on the other hand, are you trying to say maybe you are thinking she is not right for you and you would feel bad for breaking up with her, and you would find it hard to find someone else? Because if you truly believe she is not the right girl for you and you can't see this relationship lasting, then having a talk with her about breaking it off would be the right thing to do.