What to do?

[Starlite09]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and 3 months. We've had our ups and downs but overall i'm happy with him. We lived together while at college this year but now that we're home the relationship is becoming strained as his dad makes him work up to 16 hour days every day on the family farm so there's no time for us to be together. Any time we do manage to find together is kinda wasted because he's so tired that all he wants to do in the evening is eat and go to bed. We never cuddle and he never seems interested in being intimate any more, and we don't go out together. It appears he has absolutely no desire for me or us even though I know he loves me.
I can't blame him because I know he's so tired but i'm getting really frustrated because of the lack of time or quality time between us.
I've tried to tell him that never mind me, I'm worried about his health as it can't be good to consistently work long days and also he keeps straining his back with heavy work and won't rest it. I've tried asking him to shorten his days or get a day off but he gets defensive and just says he's needed to work.
His health and our relationship are being affected and I just don't know what to do. I think his father needs to cop on and see that his son can't literally work every hour God sends and that life needs a balance.
What can I do? He gets defensive when I mention it but I really am worried for his health and our relationship. I really miss intimacy. I'm being as supportive as I can but I don't think I can be so supportive long term.

[Starlite09]

His parents do work very long hours but he has two other siblings who don't do a lot of work at all. His brother spent the whole of last summer in bed a lot of the day and just watching dvds when he bothered to get up.
I understand that he has to and wants to help and yes his parents are helping him with his college expenses.
I also admire his loyalty and his work ethic and i'm not for a second suggesting he stop helping or anything. I just wish someone helped him so he got a break.
In Ireland, a typical workday is an 8 hour shift. Some people do 12 hour shifts and work less days. He's doing way more hours than this EVERY DAY!!
That's my problem. He needs some time to himself. His life now is just work like a slave, eat, sleep.
I live on a farm myself and I know about these jobs and what one person should be able to do. I just don't understand why his siblings aren't made help him.....they have three children, not one slave. His sister is spoilt rotten, she has no job, her parents give her a car, insure her, and put petrol in it, and she spends all her time bumming around with her friends and boyfriend, while my bf's treated as a slave.
I love him for doing the work and helping his family out. I just wish so much wasn't expected off him and that he'd stand up for himself and ask for help.
I'm supporting him as much as i can and i've even started going with him myself and helping him with the work.

And btw thanks for the advice guys. I know I can't nag him about it or he'll get really fed up. I am being supportive of him. It just frustrates me that it's so much is expected. And i feel helpless because I know i cant say anything.

[SeriousSam]

What do they do when he isn't there?  I've worked livestock as a part time job while in highschool and those hours don't make a whole lot of sense on a year round basis.  What are the raising wool bearing sheep?

Are you sure you are getting the whole story?

[SeriousSam]

What do they do when he isn't there?  What type of hours do the rest of his family keep?

And having worked with livestock why the long hours?  On a regular basis that does not seem normal.

[specialmom]

My question is . . . are his parents helping him with his college expenses?  That is a big chunk of change.  

I think that he is doing what he feels obligated to do.  I think a girlfriend that constantly complains about it will eventually get under his skin and he'll break up with you.  That is just my opinion but I would consider backing off of this and being supportive instead.

And, he may always have this kind of work ethic.  He very well may always be a man that works long and hard hours.  I actually admire his loyalty to his family.  But it may not be how you view a future mate and that is something for YOU to think about without trying to change him.  Good luck

[Starlite09]

It's a livestock farm and it's fairly busy all year round. I understand that he has to help, particularly as his family also run a business. My boyfriend is in college but works long days at weekends and whenever he's off college. He's not being paid though and he's not looking for paid employment because he's too busy. He needs the money and he needs more to life than shovelling shite so to speak! Yesterday he worked from 7.30 am and didn't finish til 12.30 am YES that's a 17 hour work day! That's insane!! He was so narky and tired and it's just not normal or right! I tried to tell him he can't keep doing it or he'll damage his health but it's no good! What should i do??
BTW most farms in Ireland are very small.....a few cows and maybe some sheep.

[SeriousSam]

BTW what are farms like in Ireland?  Most are grain in America.

[SeriousSam]

Assuming that he is a grain as opposed to livestock farmer, I assume in the winter he has plenty of free time?  Keep in mind that if this is something he stands to inherit this is not unheard of for self employed people as a rule.

[teko]

A farm is hard long work, I know that from experience. Not enough hours in a day. You said this is the family farm? Will your boyfriend be working the farm as a permanent way of life, is this temporary? Hopefully this is just temporary because of the time of year it is, it is so busy?