What was he thinking???

[imanaddict]

My husband and I have been together for a little over 7 years now and never once have I EVER suspected him of cheating. Until this past weekend anyway! My husband used to have a gambling addiction, something we have worked on and worked on for several years. We have came pretty close to divorcing due to this and I can't even tell you how many times I have forgiven him. I'm not perfect myself, of course, but I have never caused that much damage to our marriage. Anyway, recently one of his friends moved in with us. He is my husband's childhood best friend who was in the military and then moved to Hawaii. He and his girlfriend split, she kicked him out and he decided to move back to Texas and asked my husband if he could stay with us for a while. He isn't working and doesn't have a car, so my husband has been helping him out, taking him places to apply for jobs, etc. He  contacted the poker house where my hubby used to frequent and they said they needed an extra dealer so my husband took our roommate up there. My husband was supposed to drop him off and then go to work (he works nights). Later that evening I tried to call him and his work phone wasn't on. I thought that was strange because he has to stay in constant contact with his boss throughout the night and has to check voicemails, etc. I tried to call him until about midnight and it was still shut. This brought up a strange feeling because that is exactly what used to happen when he was deep in gambling. I'd try to call and it would go straight to voicemail. I got a sinking feeling that he had called in to work and ended up gambling instead. About a week ago, my DH got a strange call on his work phone from a girl at the poker house. He claims he has no idea who she is or how she got his number. I was the one who saw the call come in on his work phone and handed him the phone. I could hear a girl's voice on the other end. After they hung up, he told me that that was really weird, that the girl was from the poker house and she was flirting with him. He said that he told her he was married with 4 kids and she kept acting like she didn't believe him. I said well who cares if she doesn't believe that, and why does it matter anyway? He said he agreed and I thought that was the end of it. When he got from work (IF he went to work!) I decided to check his phone. There were 4 calls to that girl throughout the early morning to her, the longest conversation was 10 minutes long. Why in the world would he be calling her but I can't even get through?? I confronted him with this and he said that he was calling her to tell her to stop calling him. I told him that didn't make any sense whatsoever! I said, "You are calling HER to tell her to stop calling YOU??" I told him that I had never once ever suspected him of cheating until now. He said that he has never cheated and would never consider it and immediately went to his phone and sent her a text that said to never contact him again and that I am suspecting him of cheating. She sent a text back saying that she was sorry for the misunderstanding and she sincerely apologized, etc. He showed me that he deleted the number out of his phone and then sat next to me and asked me to look directly into his eyes and once again told me that he would never do that to me and that he loves me more than anything.

I felt a lot better after seeing that text but I still feel uneasy. I still don't know if he told me the truth about going to work that night or if he stayed and gambled and was talking with that girl. I just find the whole situation extremely weird and I do not like it!!

[imanaddict]

I agree that his friend needs to be with us temporarily. He's only been living with us for a week and the timeline is a month. I don't think he's trying to come between us though. He has a girlfriend who he seems to adore and his mindset is on getting his own place. He did get a job yesterday, so that will help speed it along.

My husband has a habit of not making the best choices. He's an extremely outgoing, friendly person but sometimes I have to ask him WTH were you thinking?? My BFF always tells me that she sees that his intentions are good, but sometimes he doesn't think things through. I totally agree.

[specialmom]

I'm sorry that happened.  I agree that the friend may not be the greatest houseguest and a time limit needs to be set.  I think he sounded so sincere when he said he has never cheated and won't.  I don't know if he gambled but I think he just got a wake up call to be on the up and up with you.  Keep your eyes open and hopefully that was just a meaningless blip on the radar.  I think his friend is going to have to go though.  good luck

[teko]

The friend.... You gotta get him out of your house and out of your everyday lives. He is a major threat to your relationship. I am betting none of this was happening before he came right? I got a strange feeling he has something to do with all this. A single guy who is your husbands childhood friend does not belong in your home, the lifestyles for one and views on life are too opposite. If this friend has his way they will be out partying and gambling and flirting together. That is not to say your husband would cheat but this is not going to end well if friend stays around. Not to mention he sounds like a moocher and probably has dreams of himself and your man setting up a bachelor pad somewhere. This dude might be your mans friend but he is no friend to you or your relationship. I would be setting a reasonable time limit on his stay. That is what stuck out at me while reading your post. The girl probably knows friend as well.

[imanaddict]

I think what worries me most is the broken trust. He has broken my trust SO many times in the past with gambling. As far as I know, he hasn't gambled in a really long time but I know that could change at any given moment. The good news is our roommate isn't going back to there to be a dealer anymore. They apparently screwed him over on money or he didn't make as much as he was led to believe, so that's done. I have a gut feeling that something was going on that night. Something I wasn't supposed to know about. It may not have been cheating, it may have been him gambling instead. Regardless, neither is okay with me.

[mami1323]

Well it isn't exactly something that I would feel comfortable with. It is a very questionable moment but I would say you have to move forward from here and see what happens. You've confronted him and he text the girl saying not to contact him anymore and so you just need to put this in the back of your mind and watch to see if he does anything suspicious. I would think the worst case scenario would be he started a flirtation but I would worry more about the gambling issue