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When do you accept it's over?
I've been with my partner for over 4years. We live together and have been very happy. I always felt that there was something missing sexually, and have put it down to the fact that I don't like the way he kisses me. Sounds pathetic I know, but I really don't and I have never quite known how to tell him, so I don't. Therefore, we don't do much kissing, which tends to make sex fairly clinical. Everything else has been great, i thought I was happy.
However, I've started to have an affair. It's very sexual and has now been going on for months. I have tried to end it, but I have become addicted to the desire and passion which has been missing from my relationship. I know it is a short term high, and the love I share with my partner is long term, but I can't help thinking without the desire, are'nt you just friends?
Following an argument last night, I ask my partner to move out. He is now out looking for flats and I'm scared I've made a bad call. More importantly, I think the fact that he has accepted my request without a fight indicates he probably doesnt love me as much as I thought. Serves me right....
However, I've started to have an affair. It's very sexual and has now been going on for months. I have tried to end it, but I have become addicted to the desire and passion which has been missing from my relationship. I know it is a short term high, and the love I share with my partner is long term, but I can't help thinking without the desire, are'nt you just friends?
Following an argument last night, I ask my partner to move out. He is now out looking for flats and I'm scared I've made a bad call. More importantly, I think the fact that he has accepted my request without a fight indicates he probably doesnt love me as much as I thought. Serves me right....
It's difficult to tell someone things like that. But I agree. I think once you cheated on him the relationship was over. You did the right thing by letting him go.
I would suggest, in your new relationship to try and be open and honest, so if something happens in that relationship you can try and salvage it before the damage is irreparable.
I would suggest, in your new relationship to try and be open and honest, so if something happens in that relationship you can try and salvage it before the damage is irreparable.
Hello, just to clear things up in your first sentence its not their its there, wrong context. Secondly stop being so damn judgemental towards this girl, she is obviously going through hell at the moment and doesnt need a do gooder like you bullshitting about karma. Also unless you have died for more than 24 hours and come back to earth you have no idea what you are talking about re karma.
I wish the girl the best of luck and understand how it was difficult for her not to tell her partner about the kissing, she didnt want to hurt his feelings which is an admirable trait, unlike judgemental judy who doesnt seem to care less who she hurts.
I wish the girl the best of luck and understand how it was difficult for her not to tell her partner about the kissing, she didnt want to hurt his feelings which is an admirable trait, unlike judgemental judy who doesnt seem to care less who she hurts.
While I am not saying that what you did is right, I do empathize with your situation.
You said yourself that you know that what you are experiencing with the third party is just a short term high, and that you and your partner go deeper than that. Its the friendship that keeps a relationship going from start to beginning; not just sex.
Keep in mind that a sexual fling with another guy is nothing more than that. He doenst know you deeper than that, he may never understand or accept you the way your partner does. He may only look more appealing now because hes a brand new shiny toy, and you havent gone much deeper than the surface therefore there is no need to go into the annoying minute details of each other.
You have to make a decision on who you really want in your life. You cheated on your guy and you will always remember that. You can either let him go, and go on with your affair or end the affair and go back to your partner - but remember that the fact that you cheated will always be there, and its not fair for you to compare the both of them.
Ultimately you have to decide what you wnat to do. But you have to let one or both of them go. Its not fair to either of them.
You said yourself that you know that what you are experiencing with the third party is just a short term high, and that you and your partner go deeper than that. Its the friendship that keeps a relationship going from start to beginning; not just sex.
Keep in mind that a sexual fling with another guy is nothing more than that. He doenst know you deeper than that, he may never understand or accept you the way your partner does. He may only look more appealing now because hes a brand new shiny toy, and you havent gone much deeper than the surface therefore there is no need to go into the annoying minute details of each other.
You have to make a decision on who you really want in your life. You cheated on your guy and you will always remember that. You can either let him go, and go on with your affair or end the affair and go back to your partner - but remember that the fact that you cheated will always be there, and its not fair for you to compare the both of them.
Ultimately you have to decide what you wnat to do. But you have to let one or both of them go. Its not fair to either of them.
Do you really think that the passion in your cheating relationship will not die out over time as well? It will never feel new and exciting forever. You have to keep the spark alive in your relationship. And if you're unhappy with the way someone does something then you must communicate it to them so they can change it. Otherwise how would he know that you didn't like the way he kissed if you've been kissing him for 4 years. He's not a mind reader. Your approach was very immature. I'm glad you let him go, what you did is unacceptable and painful. He deserves better. And no, you do not love him if you were able to cheat on him. Let him go so he can find a woman who will treat him right and so you are able to find the man that will kiss you passionately. Hope you never know the pain of infidelity.
One more thought....I don't know if you are Christian, but if you were, you would have a conscious about adultery, but I am and I have to tell you that you have committed and are committing adultery. One of God's commandment's is "Thout Shalt Not Commit Adultery". If you married in a church and took sacred vows and have broken them, you have committed adultery and it's considered a mortal sin...your very soul and you no longer have God's blessing or grace of God upon you. Everything you will come out bad.
I agree with ALL the comments above! Cheating is a cop out no matter the reason (excuse) behind it. If you are unhappy with your partner for this reason, or that reason, either work on it, or move on. Cheating isn't necessary under any circumstances.
I am flabbergasted that your partner left without a fight! Does he know or suspect that you cheated?
I am flabbergasted that your partner left without a fight! Does he know or suspect that you cheated?
If you don't like the way you are being kissed, why don't you simply show him ("This is how I want to be kissed" and then tell him "with passion")...that's all. Because he is not kissing you the way you want to be kissed is a cheap excuse to infidelity. The truth is that deep down inside, you don't love him. Their is something physical that no longer attracts you (looks, gain weight, losing hair, something). Also, you might be tired of routine and want something exciting and new, similar to midlife crisis. Something is going to give and your going to live with a guilty conscious for a long time.
Sometime things just happen, so the respectable and moral thing to do is break it off (easier said than done and I know you don't want to hurt him). Your also afraid that if you leave partner 1 and partner 2 doesn't work out, you will be left alone. Something is going to give sooner or later and it's not going to be good.
Sometime things just happen, so the respectable and moral thing to do is break it off (easier said than done and I know you don't want to hurt him). Your also afraid that if you leave partner 1 and partner 2 doesn't work out, you will be left alone. Something is going to give sooner or later and it's not going to be good.
If you can't remain faithful to this man who you claim to love, then your relationship is over. IMO, if you loved your partner you would not have cheated on him, and you should have been a mature enough adult and ended the relationship before even thinking about turning to anyone else for sexual pleasure.
There is no point in continuing a relationship when you can't even discuss how you like to be pleasured with a man you "love".
Your said "I don't like the way he kisses me. Sounds pathetic I know, but I really don't and I have never quite known how to tell him, so I don't"
You won't tell your partner how you'd prefer to be pleasured and instead turn to someone else for sexual pleasure because your not getting complete pleasure from your partner(and no wonder when you fail to tell him how to pleasure you!!). How do you expect to get pleasure from someone who doesn't even know he's doing anything wrong??
I'm sorry but your actions IMO are completely immature and completely immoral.
There is no point in continuing a relationship when you can't even discuss how you like to be pleasured with a man you "love".
Your said "I don't like the way he kisses me. Sounds pathetic I know, but I really don't and I have never quite known how to tell him, so I don't"
You won't tell your partner how you'd prefer to be pleasured and instead turn to someone else for sexual pleasure because your not getting complete pleasure from your partner(and no wonder when you fail to tell him how to pleasure you!!). How do you expect to get pleasure from someone who doesn't even know he's doing anything wrong??
I'm sorry but your actions IMO are completely immature and completely immoral.
One more thought....I believe in Karma, I belive in God, there isn't anything in this universe that is hidden in secrecy that will not come out. What comes around goes around and I promise you that you will one day look at yourself and not like who you are in the inside and what you have done. You will not like what you did to someone who's only mistake was to lovef you and care about you. It is so hard to find someone that is worthy, so when you find that special someone, respect him and don't do to others what you would not want done to yourself. I wish you good luck in soul searching not to do this again.
No one wins in infidelity, their is only pain and sorrow in a triangle, so be very careful that the person that will end's up having the nightmares at night might be you.
Personally, if my partner is not able to kiss me and leave me completely breathless, he is not for me. There is nothing like a passionate kiss that can take your breath away and leave you numb. There are many reasons why you are with your first partner, but when you choose to accept temptation, you just don't know if your new partner will keep you as exclusive. Infidelity is dark and evil, becauseit their is deception, secrecy, dishonesty, insecurity, selfishness, fear of being caught, hurt, pain, betrayal, traumatizing for some inexperience person, taking advantage of someonew good nature, unatural and hurting someone the person that you once said you would never hurt.
Look deep within your heart and if you put yourself in this situation, you need to find a way out of it now. You know in your heart that sooner or later, something is going to give and no matter how you look at it, your are going to hurt your partner, yourself and the new guy and I hope this serves as a lesson to never put yourself in this uncomfortable situation and nerver play with someone's emotions. Also, your reputation and character will be tarnished and labled negatively to friends and family. Also, the fear of being caught. You never know if you go out with your new partner that you might be caught. Maybe, your first partners friends might see you and tell him and this is very painful and humiliating to a person. Infidelity also destroys that special spark deep in the heart that once existed and can never be the same and he will never trust you again.
Choose wisely, because in the end you will look back and maybe the person in the long run that will end up heartbroken, might be you.
Personally, if my partner is not able to kiss me and leave me completely breathless, he is not for me. There is nothing like a passionate kiss that can take your breath away and leave you numb. There are many reasons why you are with your first partner, but when you choose to accept temptation, you just don't know if your new partner will keep you as exclusive. Infidelity is dark and evil, becauseit their is deception, secrecy, dishonesty, insecurity, selfishness, fear of being caught, hurt, pain, betrayal, traumatizing for some inexperience person, taking advantage of someonew good nature, unatural and hurting someone the person that you once said you would never hurt.
Look deep within your heart and if you put yourself in this situation, you need to find a way out of it now. You know in your heart that sooner or later, something is going to give and no matter how you look at it, your are going to hurt your partner, yourself and the new guy and I hope this serves as a lesson to never put yourself in this uncomfortable situation and nerver play with someone's emotions. Also, your reputation and character will be tarnished and labled negatively to friends and family. Also, the fear of being caught. You never know if you go out with your new partner that you might be caught. Maybe, your first partners friends might see you and tell him and this is very painful and humiliating to a person. Infidelity also destroys that special spark deep in the heart that once existed and can never be the same and he will never trust you again.
Choose wisely, because in the end you will look back and maybe the person in the long run that will end up heartbroken, might be you.
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