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1354136 tn?1331878917

When someone flies off the deep end...

Hello board.  Not sure what I'm quite looking for here, maybe to see if I'm not the only one this has happened to.  I was seeing a guy, well more so just hanging out all the time.  Initially it was just a meeting up and catching up on old times, we have known each other since high school.  We really hit it off things were going well, we weren't officially dating but we were having a good time enjoying long talks, dinner, walks, etc.  

The only thing that bothered me was the ups and downs this person displayed.  Sure we all have bad days, good days.  Heck I know I can be difficult to deal with sometimes.  However this person would go from really excited, hopeful and happy to just complete misery like a switch.  In the three weeks we were hanging out I felt like I was playing the role of counselor and therapist and honestly I did not know how to help this person.  Their snap change demeanor scared me a bit and I would back off, next day they would be cheery and hopeful again so I would let it slide.  I think it just got to the point that I was tired of having to talk someone off a cliff almost every other day.  

So things have been the usual up and down, and I was getting a bit peeved since I just lost my job about a week ago and they seemed not understanding to this fact at all.  In fact they would talk about how excited they were to get paid and here I am not even qualifying for unemployment so that seemed really insensitive to me. The other issue that bugged me is I understand financial woes and when we would go out he would pay for some things but I paid a lot for the both of us and my own share because he stated he was broke.  (yes, I'm a dummy and I see all the red flags here in hindsight)

Now what really bugs me is that I had to start putting my foot down, this person can be the most loving, caring pesron, then turn at the drop of a hat and act mental.  I have been sick this weekend with a sinus infection.  This person needed to move this weekend, they have no car so I couldn't be of use this weekend I'm sick. Just because I said I couldn't help even though I have dealt with their lack of car for weeks, this person flew off the handle.

Grumpy as all get out, posting really sad, depressing, almost disturbing tweets all over twitter about drinking and walking in the dark, just ultra dramatics and it's been continuing all day now.  So i have removed him from my social media, this is no way for a grown man to act since someone can't move your stuff into a new apartment for you.  The worst part he proceeds not to ask how i'm doing this weekend sickness wise but tells me that he's scheduled an appointment for new tattoos and wants to get an iphone.  GEE, that's funny someone claimed to not have money just a few short weeks ago.

Gah, so I'm sorry board I had to vent.  Feels better to get it out, I see all the red flags now, I"m a nice person and I try not to judge, I thought this person was just battling depression and I tried to be that shoulder for them to cry on, then they snap into snippy mode and basically direct comments towards me in social media being passive aggressive, how childish. Why must some men just completely lose it like babies why they don't get their way?
10 Responses
134578 tn?1546634665
Well, he's not "some men," he is a man who is probably manic depressive.  In other words, don't paint "men" with a broad brush, he is a particular case.  I hope you are able to part ways easily.
2217782 tn?1394367572
I would agree with Annie on this one, he is fitting a lot of bipolar symptoms. The erratic moods and the careless spending are all traits. However I'm sorry you got your feelings hurt. The only thing I could suggest is you really put your foot down and tell him its best you don't see eachother and that the only way you could see this friendship/relationship continuing is if he made an appointment with his doctor about his mood. If you don't want to continue the friendship I completely understand, bipolar is a notoriously difficult type of depression for the sufferer and close friends and family.

I hope all picks up for you soon and all these hardships become a distant memory. Wish you all the best.
973741 tn?1342346373
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there and welcome.  I'm not sure if he is manic depressive as some people can just be super moody and change quickly . . .   but either way, it is hard to live with.  We date for a very important reason dear.  We are supposed to look critically at the person we are with and judge whether or not they are going to be good to go to the next level with.  And when we see something that would pose a challenge, then we are supposed to move on.  Not everyone we date are we supposed to end up with.  And something like a person that goes from happy to mad in a minute and his mad is alarming in nature, is not a keeper.  

You'd be setting yourself up for a difficult life.  And when we are vetting someone to be a long term partner, we must look seriously at those things.  Some people have annoying little habits or things we don't always love about them.  No one is perfect.  But that is different than a personality trait that is so up and down.  And that it is like this now in the easy dating phase . . .   imagine what it would be like under big stress that all couples face from time to time.  

I would cut your losses and just remain friends with him.  Move on to a more peaceful person.  good luck
3149845 tn?1506631371
Human behavior in general  is a result of their lifes experiences. We are all unique. Friendship consists of being there when they need us and if he is bothering you then he is not your friend.
Avatar universal
Well.....there is no need to try and diagnose what he is and really no one else can except a "qualified" professional.  Could be a person that just loves drama or conflict.  

Sounds like nothing fun and peaceful to deal with and I would recommend you cut your losses.  

All the best.
1354136 tn?1331878917
Thank you to everyone who responded.  I'm just going to cut ties with him, I can't keep fronting the bill for the things we do only for him to turn around all of  a sudden have money to spend.  The mood swings are so dramatic and over the top, not to mentioned the new thing this whole weekend is to basically post status updates and tweets that are obviously about me but he's being all passive aggressive about it so he will be deleted from all forums.  Friendship or a relationship shouldn't cause this much chaos or stress.  Thanks everyone for your input, greatly appreciated.
973741 tn?1342346373
COMMUNITY LEADER
No.  Absolutely not.  Relationships don't hurt!  They may have their moments that are stressful.  That's normal but I think you've got enough red flags here to decide to be free of this.  

I do wish you the best.  Please come back and let us know what happens.  peace
1354136 tn?1331878917
This is true, I shouldn't be feeling this hurt, or stressed.  Well here is an update, he had nothing to say, never asked how I was feeling being sick this weekend and the only evidence he was even still around, was one tweet he just put out, stating he had an amazing day with another girl.  Wow, so yeah that pretty much seals the deal with this guy being a total jerk.  Guess I should just choke it up to another life lesson learned.  I just can't believe he didn't get his way one time and all this happened.  Oh well let him go drive someone else up a wall.  Thank you all for helping me.  Not sure why I feel hurt over all of this, I should be glad this showed me his true colors early, still hurts though.  Thanks everyone.
973741 tn?1342346373
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, hurting our feelings a bit is natural.  Remember that YOU are the lucky one to be rid of him sweetie.  now you can find a good guy to be with.  take some time to get over this and then start meeting people again.  Hang in there.  We're here if you need us!
1354136 tn?1331878917
you are totally right. thanks for being so supportive :)  i'll keep you posted, but yeah you're right at least i'm rid of him.
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