Why am I always frustrated with everything at home?

[AnastasiaTuyul]

I am on medication for anxiety and stress. I went back to my doctor's today and they increased my medication because I started out as a level 6 for my anxiety and now I am at a level 15. I am also irritated at home and yelling a lot at my kids because they don't listen. Mind they are 5 and 2 years old. My relationship hasn't been great with my boyfriend of 6 years lately. We have been fighting recently and we are getting along okay right now but I'm still worried about my anxiety and irritation all of a sudden. I go from being alright and calm to mad, upset, and angry all at once in just a matter of seconds. Why am I like this?

[specialmom]

I feel your post.  Most moms can probably relate.  When we are stressed and anxious, our families are around and sadly often suffer our moods.  Sigh.  We are human so forgive yourself and try to do better.  Kids understand apologies too so if you DO have a bad moment and are regretful, apologize to them. They will feel loved by this because you care enough to back track and let them know you are sorry as well as they learn that they too should be remorseful and can apologize when they do the wrong thing.  

So, level 15 anxiety is a lot to deal with.  You are deep into it.  I understand that there is a bit of an issue with a relationship that is currently rocky as well as some internal issues with anxiety disorder at play here.  That combination is causing stress reactions with your kiddos.  So, if I were to problem solve I would look at this in two parts.  The boyfriend and the anxiety.  First, the anxiety----  so do you see a doctor for this?  Talk therapy is excellent with a psychologist for sorting through things as well as many people DO need to be on medication to overcome anxiety.  There is nothing wrong with taking medication but for some reason, people still put a stigma to it.  Thankfully, we know that the medication often works well and offers relief to people who suffer depression and anxiety.  So, if you do not take medication, you need to start with your doctor.  The gate keeper is often a primary care doctor.  Start there and begin aggressively treating your anxiety.  There are also other things you can do---  stress breaks.  When you feel that burning of irritation starting (look for the signs and slow down your reaction time)--  start doing things like deep breathing (breath in for 3 hold and out for 3 hold, repeat), opening and closing fist for a second, walk to the bathroom for a second for a couple of seconds of cool down time, write in a journal what you feel furiously getting it all out, drop down and do some push ups (that is a physical release of tension), etc.  Start to actively be aware of shifts in your body going to that blow up stage of yelling at the kids.  It may seem like it switches on a dime, but it usually doesn't.  There are signs that it is about to happen.  So, slow yourself.  Breath.  

The second issue is your boyfriend.  I'm sorry it is rocky.  Is there a root cause?  Can you seek a therapist with him or open up communication with him?  Truthfully, I personally think you are in a period of time in which it is really hard on relationships. With the ages of your kids, couples have less time for each other.  Mom's are exhausted and the male partner (not to be sexist, but this is a common pattern) often aren't as tied up in childcare and don't quite understand.  And resentment can happen on both sides.  And if there is a break down in communication, fighting can happen.  So, I encourage you to try to go for a date here and there in which you don't talk kids or anything serious.  You JUST keep it light and fun only.  A date can be putting kids to bed, having a glass of wine and a movie by candlelight in your own living room.  Dates are mind sets and don't have to be an elaborate go out function.  (that's hard sometimes with little ones).  Dr. Laura ---  ha ha, who may drive people crazy does have a point about treating our partner like they are our boyfriend or girlfriend. Give it a try though and he may reciprocate.  Try telling him that you WANT this to work and the two of you need to work on this, etc.  I don't know what the problem is but am happy to try to help further.

Last, all good moms need down time.  Recharging of the batteries.  Sooooo,  what about a baby sitter for you to have some peace for a bit?  A family member or mom you can ask to watch kiddos while you go out and run an errand, go for a walk or to the gym, have lunch with a friend, etc?  I had something called a mother's helper which is a younger neighborhood person (around 10 or 11) who came to my house while I was home for an hour to two hours while I was home and played with my kids . . .  I'd go upstairs and shut my bedroom door, or do a load of laundry unseen to the kids while they were played with.  It was such a nice little break.  I paid 2 dollars an hour for that and well worth it once or twice a week.  

Anyway, we are all happy to help more if we can!  hugs

[Sharryn92]

Hi Anastasia i too have anxiety and did have depression i have a 4 year old and 1 year old i find my self doing the same with my children too some days i get so cranky i end up just crying in frustration im at home with my children my self most days because my partner works everyday i find if im getting that worked up anxiety kicking in and the kids are being really full on i take them outside things dont seem as bad when your not closed inside