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2037781 tn?1370635496

Why can't guys be friends?

I am different than most people, this makes it hard to find friends.

I don't normally have female friends. I find women hard to relate to, and i even find women quite boring in general... and apart from being a women i don't have much in common with them.

Although i've always had few friend, those friends have always been guys, you know, chilling, playing multi-play COD, or even time splitters, theme parks. A geeky girl with a bunch of geeky guy friend.

But over the past 3 years that has become impossible. All my friend have either moved away to other countries or they've drifted away and they're in relationships.

Why can't guys be friends with women? All my friends are gone, and the guys i meet now see women as friend material.
but i really miss being "one of the lads".

I have a boyfriend, and while he is happy for me to have bloke friends, even he doesn't want me in his blokes night in/out.

I am so lonely. How can i fix this please?
7 Responses
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973741 tn?1342342773
If this happens to you with a lot of people, you should probably investigate why.  I do wish you luck!  peace
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
Honestly, rarely.  I have many friends that have different interests than me.  
Helpful - 0
2037781 tn?1370635496
yes. you are reading me wrong.

I don't find people uninteresting, i find sitting in silence or struggling to find conversation, uninteresting.

Haven't you ever met someone so different to you that you've ran out of conversation?

Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
My husband doesn't have female friends that I'm not friends with as well.  Kind of a marriage code.  And someone that found me uninteresting even though I don't do what they do for fun would be a turn off.

What I'm reading, and I could be wrong, is that you are uninterested in people that aren't just like you.  This is very limiting.  I have lots of friends with a wide range of different interests.  Some I share and some I don't.

My bestie is way into playing sports.  She's on a woman's soccer team, a coed volleyball team, etc.  She's a daredevil, loves all things adventure.  I'm the complete opposite.  I do none of that stuff with her or anyone else.  We have tons to talk about and spend lots of time together.  but on the surface, we wouldn't seem like a match.

To me it doesn't sound like you dig deep enough to find what you do have in common with others and this leads to limiting who you consider as being someone you can get close to.  Not just friendly with but close to.

Like I said, I could be wrong.  but that is how it reads to me from just the limited information we get her that someone (you in this case) writes.  

Obviously, if someone moves---  it is hard to spend much time together.  But otherwise, if you find yourself being dropped by your guy friends after they get a girlfriend it could be for two reasons---  this is not meant to be insulting but is something to think about . . .  reason one:  their girlfriend perceives your disinterest in her and has boundaries about situations like that (I do) or two:  you appear more one dimensional when they then have a woman in their life that you have a hard time relating to.  so, they drift away from you.  

Hard to say.  But I find the only thing we can really control in our life is ourselves.  so when I am longing for a different outcome (speaking of me here)---  I look at what I can do differently.

good luck.  I hope you are able to find a constant group of close friends to be with.  peace
Helpful - 0
4522800 tn?1470325834
Hi, I would like to throw my 2 nickles in here.I would have to say that I am no spring chic. As I was growing up I would hang out with more guy friends then girls. If I had 10 friends in my corner, 8 would be guys and 2 would be girls. It is just that the guys liked the out door things as I did. As I got older I started to hang out with more girls. I needed to learn more girly things from them too.I do have a couple of girlfriends up here where I live that I have known for 40 years or less. I do not hang out with them much but we will talk on the phone.I have been married to my best friend for almost 28 years now too! Heck I even went Jet Skiing yesterday with a guy friend and my Hub did not want to go. Real true friendship takes time. It will come to you no matter who they are.  Male or Female. True Blue friends come in all colors shapes and sizes too. You will find really good friends in time. As you get older and get married and have kids your friends are there for you but you will have your own life to live as well. I wish you the best!!!
Helpful - 0
2037781 tn?1370635496
I didn't say i find all women boring, i have had a female friend, but she's always busy with work, martial arts, game conventions, traveling to sci-if and anime conventions abroad, archery practice, so she is never around much.

I would be happy to have more female friends but i can't find any with similar interests to me who live nearby and aren't too busy.

I'm not closed minded, and i don't generalize.
I don't seek out male friends. I seek out PEOPLE i have things in common with, 95% are male. out of the 5% who are female, virtually all are too busy.

On the rare occasions where i've met friends their girlfriends, we get along ok, although conversation tends to gradually run out. But most of the time i don't get to meet them as they live too far away.

I really want local female friends with the same interests and spare time.
They are virtually impossible to find.

Men with similar interests and spare time are much easier to find.
but they tend not to think of women as friends.
And men who have partners tend to try to avoid being friends with women, (it causes issues when a man is spending time with another woman, even as friends).
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
Hm.  Well, I find it odd that you say women in general are boring.  That is something typically you hear from really young women that haven't branched out much.  You yourself seem a bit closed minded to people all being people regardless of sex and seeking out male friends may be the very thing hindering you.  I mean, you have a guy friend that you find his girlfriend boring . . .  really, probably would make you not that fun to hang around with.  

I would seek that inner understanding for why you are so particular about generalizing men and women and go from there.  Then once you become more flexible and open to people of the same sex as being good friends, then you will have more friends in general.  you won't lose your guy friends when they get girlfriends because you could become with the women in their life and ALL be friends rather than your desiring the male friendship only.  

good luck
Helpful - 0

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