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Avatar universal

Wife tells me thinks she's in love with her male co worker.

So I recently got married to my wife in September of last year (2015). We had been dating since 2007 prior to getting married. We have had our little fights on and off throughout our relationship but nothing major. We have been living in our parents house due to the economy being bad for the last few years. My wife absolutely hates living in my parents house and has wanted to move out however, we have not been able to afford it financially, although we very close to being able to doing so in a year or less. Just yesterday my wife (30 years) tell me (33 years) that she does not think she is in love with me anymore and that we are living like roommates and that she thinks she is in love with her 50 something year old male co worker who is divorced with three kids. In fact, just last week, she was complaining to him about our relationship issues and he told her that he loves her. She did tell him that it was inappropriate to say that and his response was simply, "I know". At this point she is contemplating divorcing because she does not think we are a good fit for her. What has partly made this situation worse is that we have opposing work schedules. I work regular office hours (9am-5.30pm), while she works a second shift from (12-8pm) which makes it impossible to spend time with her during the week so I feel like she is now emotionally infatuated with her male co worker who she spends a lot of hours with during the week and thinks she is in love with him. I have asked her to quit her job for the sake of our marriage however, she says she loves her job and will not quit. I compromised and told her that she can keep working at her job as long as her interaction with this male co worker who works the same shift as her is strictly professional and does not involved anything other than work in addition to seeking marriage counseling with me while we try to sort out our issues. However, in light of what is happening, how can I trust her to keep true to her word? I am emotional wreck and cannot sleep, eat or think. we had initially planned to move out together next year into an apartment however, she is claiming she is out the door in six months with or without me. I never thought this would happen to me especially since we just got married last year! however it seems as though she has been harboring resentment over the years of our relationship and is now ready to call it quits on the marriage. She also told me that she started to feel butterflies for this guy a little after starting to work with him but before we got married. When I asked her, then why did she wanna marry me? and she said well at the time she thought to herself, that he is 50 something with 3 kids and that she was just having cold feet about getting married but now she feels differently. Any advice would be appreciated.
5 Responses
13167 tn?1327194124
It doesn't sound like you have kids,  so maybe calling it quits at this point is for the best.

She wants to live like an adult married couple,  not like teenagers with parents.

Probably,  to her,  it seems unlikely that you will be able to make good on leaving your parent's home within the next year,  and so she's given you a 6 month deadline to get a little apartment and spread your adult wings and fly.

Looks to me like that's a fair goal - she's out of there if you aren't able to live like an adult couple in 6 months.  

Can you manage that?
Avatar universal
I hope this isn't a case of "failure to launch."

Well, I agree with RR.

I am thinking this older man seems more established, i.e. has his own home, which equals security.

Not sure why you got married when you can't really offer your wife a home or at least an apartment.  If the economy was bad then why not wait to get married?
Avatar universal
Hi Londres70,

I was initially the one who had proposed to delay marriage by a year or two however, my wife was the one wanted to get married sooner rather than later. I did speak with her about this older man and the possibility of security however, she says it has nothing to do with that. In any case, I realize I cannot stay at home with my "mommy" and "daddy" in order to make this marriage work and have decided to move out into an apartment with her to make this marriage work even if it is not financial ideal to be able to do so. Thanks for the input.
Avatar universal
Hello RockRose,

I agree that it is about time we got our own place. It isnt ideal for a young married couple to flourish in their relationship if we cant have our own independence. I plan on moving out with her into an apartment by the end of the year and have told her so. We are currently looking into finding a marriage counselor and she has agreed to make try and make the marriage work for now. She told me she plans on telling her co worker that he needs to leave her alone and keep things strictly professional at work while she tries to work on her marriage, although I am still unsure how feasible this really is, if he is constantly around her and works in close proximity. She does not want to quit her job because she says she loves her job and I do not want to force her to do so because I think that will be unfair. A this point I will just have to take her at her word that she will do what she says and is ready to give a 100% into making the marriage work. She said we will reevaluate where we are in december so I guess we will see how things pan out. Thanks for your input. appreciate it
3060903 tn?1398565123
i think you're making a mistake waiting until Dec. If it were me, i would look for a place immediately. You're both working. I think that the benefits would outweigh the negatives.
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