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Avatar universal

Wife walked out and took youngest daughter

I have been going through a very tough marriage for the past 5 years and my wife suddenly told me, she doesnt love me anymore and took my 16 month old daughter and vanished. I have been out of my mind with worry, she had been emailing me only, telling me she still loves me and misses me, but at the same time she doesnt want to live with me? We have 2 beautiful children and this is killing me, I am not perfect and can be a jerk at times, im sure we all can be, but now she is totally distant to me and her emails are emotionless and without feeling, in fact i think she enjoys the pain i am suffering. I mention the pain and anguish she is causing our other child who is 6, ( who is with me ) and she doesnt even reflect on that or comment? She makes no effort to see the other child who is torn apart by his mommy leaving and taking her sister? She now seems to be writing emails enjoying the power she has over me. knowing i am hurt.
I have no idea where she is, who she is staying with, how my daughter is? I have asked her repeatedly to tell me and she just ignores my pleas.

She has literally changed from being a caring, loving mother and wife to a heartless monster. I have my suspicions she with another man, purely based on her new found cockiness to me and this level of arrogance she is portraying on her emails. She also has become fixated about money and having more of it, lately, not so much in the past, but for maybe 5 months, its been a real cause of argument in my house ( caused by her )

the bills are in her name, and i pay them, been like this for years. We have a well stocked house and children well dressed, she buys stuff on ebay and designer gear too. we went on exotic holidays, weekend breaks, romantic getaways, this all stopped now as my well paid job ended last year?

she is now making up stories to people, that i deny her money, tell her how to dress, and worse of all that i hit her? Which i dont do any of these, but she seems to enjoy the attention it gets her by telling these lies?

she has changed profoundly in past 12 months, so much so, that i dont regognise her anymore.

today i saw her, i called her and she ran from me, i caught up with her, to try and get my daughter back, she started screaming, help me, help me, call the police! in public, i didnt harm her nor assualt her, i was just trying to take my daughter that she took out of the family home over a week ago with no reason and still dont know why as she wont meet me, return my callls, emails?

im very hurt and sad by this, is this the type of behaviour a woman who is cheating does?

any feedback is welcome, please no smart *** comments, this is very real and very raw for me...

thanks.

PS> I worked in a military job that paid well....
Best Answer
480448 tn?1426948538
Wow.  I would get a second opinion.  You absolutely should have rights to your children!  :0(  I'm so sorry!
27 Responses
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Avatar universal
Yes, she does, nobody is seeing this, I'm just antother father being denied his children and a wife ( soon to be ex wife after I divorce her)

It's incredible that I'm being sent through the hoops...

Amazing,,,
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thanks to everyone praying, please keep it up, I'm really happy y'all are so supportive and all thoughts and kind words are appreciated..

Sad to think the real victims here are my two small, beautiful children...

Their mother is on a destructive path..

I just wish she put as much energy into saving the marriage as she is doing to destroy it and the family... :-(
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Avatar universal
I'm sorry for what's happening to you and your children. . I just wanted u to know someone read your post and is praying for u. (Don't mean to offend u if your not spiritual)
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Avatar universal
So here's an update, on Wednesday I recieive a letter from her lawyer stating that the marriage was broken up due to 'unhappy differnces'
Also states that she had to leave the marriage due to problems she was experiencing. The request was then that I have 'access' to my children and she has them living with her. And that I return Alexander to her? Hello? She never tried to take him and to this day, has made zero contact efforts..

I naturally enough ignore the letter while my layer is preparing a response, 2 days later she files a protection order against with a summons to appear for a barring order, in essence to throw me out of the house??

She left 2 weeks ago, more than, there has been no violence, took my daughter with her, refused all mail to see my child. Then sends me a writ, with no evidence of abuse? W T F....?

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Avatar universal
Definitely sounds like she has some mental issues going on and sounds like she really knows how to work the system. This is all terribly heartbreaking.
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Avatar universal
So, went to a lawyer, simply put, I dont seem to have any rights, she is allowed to keep my daughter without any recourse, and is also allowed to take my son from his school if she wishes, but if I did it, I would have police st my door? I have no injunction, no barring order, but I am being treated like a criminal.
Helpful - 0
4522800 tn?1470325834
Come back and give us a update!!! My Prays are out here for You All!
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3060903 tn?1398565123
I have friends that went through separation and divorce. They kept the kids at the family home, and kept an apartment on the side. Both parent's stayed at the house for two weeks out of the month. The kids never needed to be lugged around. I'm thinking if you own your home, a lawyer might be able to suggest this as an alternative best suited to the kid's. Maybe your wife would be amicable to this if she can get her head around the kids coming first? You've heard nothing from the police about an assault charge, nor has she come for custody of your son. It seems like domestic violence is not going to be an issue. So far so good. FINGERS CROSSED. Please keep us informed as to how things are advancing. Liz
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
It is really awful and a nightmare.  Sadly, when you tried to 'take' your child, you played right into her hands as far as making it look like you are aggressive (when in truth, she is the one in the wrong in my opinion).  

Get with your lawyer.  Go through all the scenarios and fight hard to win time with your daughter and protect your rights of having your son.  I'd be tempted to move with him so you don't lose both kids.  

Ugh, makes me really sick that any 'mother' would do this to her family.  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I could never do what she is doing, or did, she's not thinking of the distant future when her lies and deceit have all worn out and people, stop believing her? The boy who called Wolff.....

I will look to getting him some therapy, and myself, as it's killing me softly inside...

The only decisions she is making are the ones that suit her..

2 days before she left her unbearable life, we were with friends, in the country side and she never bailed, as she was having a great time, but waited to get home... As I said earlier, she could have bailed with both kids many, many times as I have been away on several trips, does that sound like an abused wife? Who chooses her moment, with maximum destruction... To the people, she's suppose to care for the most
L
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Avatar universal
Yes, she is becoming so darn stubborn this attitude that she has, is worrying, I can do what I want and you have to tolerate it? Imagine having a super life, then it's going, gone, she had so many opportunities to run away when I am not in the house, been traveling lately and away sometimes for 2-3 days, but no, she waits to leave the house when I'm there , to see it all?
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Avatar universal
She very much doesn't seem to care the damage it's doing to him, today I had people, from social services vist me at home. Telling me I was wrong to try and take my daughter from her in public, nobody seems to be fighting my corner only me, I am now the bad guy... . .? I still dont know where they are staying, social services know, but wont tell me? It's like I'm being treated like I have a barring order or an injunction,? Which I dont...? I was also told if I want to see my daughter that I HAVE to apply to the courts for access?? Meanwhile she is allowed to hide my child away from me? They are making me out to be the bad guy cos I wanted to return my own daughter to her own home? She is also refusing to see me, meet me, talk to me? This is being allowed and to top it all off, I was told that if my son is in a public place she could come and take him, such as from school ? And what can I do? Nothing...some world we live in huh?
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Avatar universal
She had no interest or attempt to take my son, she is gone now 10 days and has not asked ONCE to see him or want to see him? I have to keep him informed as one can do in the 6 year old way, he was with me when I tried to take my daughter back, her screaming call the police. Someone help me, was in front of him and he became very upset at her outburst. In fact I am feeling terrible that he had to witness another of his mothers public outbursts, and that he had to experience this, his mom could have just let me have my daughter at least 1 24 hour period in last 10 days and all the drama could have been avoided...
Helpful - 0
3149845 tn?1506627771
Hi also, shes after the good life and wants someone else to pay for it. It now appears the battle lines have been drawn and you should do what ever it takes to make a life for your child and your self.
Helpful - 0
480448 tn?1426948538
Oh my goodness.  I'm SO sorry for what you're going through!  There's just NO call for your wife to be doing what she's doing to the kids.  Like sm said, sure, things happen in marriages, but when you have kids, you're obligated to put those children FIRST and handle the situation like a mature adult.  That doesn't mean taking off with one kid, leaving the other behind, and then giving you wishy washy answers.  The bottom line is, you have EVERY right to see your children, period.  

I too will never understand how a mother (or father) could leave a child behind in any capacity.  It blows me away.  Of COURSE children will make that about themselves. If they don't have access to their Mom or Dad, they suffer for that and it often times presents later in life with poor coping, and other problems.  The huge moral breakdown we have in this country is LARGELY due to a breakdown in that essential family structure.  Not every family has to be traditional with Mom and Dad married, living under one roof, but no matter what, BOTH parents need to be active participants in that child's life.  It's simply unimaginable to me that any parent would be okay with being separated from their children.  Certainly not long term anyway.

I think you need to lawyer up big time and start whatever proceedings are necessary to retain your parental rights.  Like sm said, I would be worried she's got a plan to take the daughter away.  Her behavior isn't rational.  It sounds like you've tried to reason with her every which way, but she's not having it.  Well, guess what?  She is NOT legally permitted to keep your kids from you.

Tell your lawyer you want to petition the courts for custody/visitation arrangements, that she's left the home and isn't allowing you access to your daughter, nor is she attempting to see your son.  Make it clear that you want to maintain and encourage her relationship with him.  Get him into some family therapy ASAP so he can sort through these confusing emotions with a professional.  Kids will make everything about themselves.  No matter what you tell him, there's part of him trying to make this his fault.  A professional can help him understand that it isn't.

I'm just so sorry you're going through this.  You may need some support yourself, don't be afraid to get yourself some therapy also.  You need to take care of you also.  It's clear there is something going on, either she's being influenced by others, she's suffering with mental illness, or both.  She's NOT making decisions that are in the best interest of the children.  There are right ways and wrong ways to address a marital separation with children involved, she's doing it the wrong way.

My prayers are with you, I sincerely hope she comes to her senses soon about the kids.  Please make sure you move quickly on the legal angle, you need to petition the courts ASAP.

Best of luck to you!  You sound like a great Dad, and you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders.  Hang in there!
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
This is really a parents worse nightmare.  It is terribly sad when a relationship falls apart----  but then to add this mixture of being so secretive and taking one's child, it is awful.  And leaving the other child is awful. I would personally, never . . .  NEVER as a mother leave my child.  I don't understand any parent that does.  I would always live as close to my kids as I could even if I shared custody or the other parent had custodial custody.  I don't think that is just me . . .   most mothers are like this.  The emptiness I'd feel not being with my kids would be something I couldn't live with.  

And the knowledge that I was doing grave harm to them is another.  When a child (and not just young kids) feel abandoned by a parent or neglected or even just that a parent decides to not live close to them . . .  they internalize that.  I becomes such a big part of them that EVEN mom didn't want me that they often fall apart in the teen years and adulthood.  

Your wife has now put your son at risk for such emotional troubles.  And that is shameful.  

Clearly you are not abusive because she left her son with you.  If she thought you were abusive, she'd not have done that as what mother leaves their child with someone they feel is abusive?  So, I hear you that you do not abuse her.  

Yes, someone could be involved here that is leading her.  

She is asking for time.  I would consider just saying to her that it is fine if she doesn't want to be together any longer.  That divorce happens and is sad and maybe isn't what you'd have chosen. But that you should do it properly.  That you will be fair with her.  and that you'd like some opportunities to see your daughter and like her to see her son.

She probably isn't seeing her son right now because he is going to ask to go with her or for her to come back and she doesn't want to deal with it.  (but that is very weak in my opinion, of her).  I wish there was someone to mediate or facilitate that she trusts like her mom or your mom.  She is possibly afraid that if she lets you see your daughter that you will prevent her from leaving again.  Which you might be tempted to do based on the fact that she is trying to disappear and you wouldn't want to never have an opportunity to see your daughter again.  

If she is from another country than where you live, do you think she is planning on leaving for good to go there with the kids?  Like she has the daughter now, getting things set up to go and then will get her son to do so?

anyway, just trying to understand this.  I do really feel awful for how you must feel.  this is terrible!
Helpful - 0
3060903 tn?1398565123
Aragon, I'm so sorry that you're going through all of this. Was your wife able to take your son, and chose not to? The reason I ask is this, if she can say that she was unable to get a hold of her son when she left, she can still say that you are an unfit parent. If she chose to leave your son with you, she is essentially admitting that you are a fit parent.
I'm glad that you going by way of a lawyer. I know you said you lost your job, have you acquired a new job yet?
I find it odd that her focus is that you don't love her. I'm thinking because of it that she isn't with another man, possibly a female cohort , a coworker maybe? Does your wife work, has she worked while you were married, or were you the principal provider?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
thanks, she is being exceptionally immature, im as puzzled why she wont even talk to me? she sends me email and is obsessed with her opinion that i dont love her??? hello?? 9 years together, 6 of them married, 2 children?? its like she needs constant reminding? but thats a hard thing to be dealing with, its as though if i dont tell her ' i love you' every 10 minutes, she thinks i dont ...
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Avatar universal
I think so too, flipped right over it ? I am very suspicious of her right now, as this is totally out of character for her to be so cold and emotionless, I am also strongly suspicious that someone is coaching her mails to me, as they are heartless and with no feeling. This is a reply I got from her today, after we had already  agreed to meet ;

‘you need to give me time and space this time is for both of us and the children. I can't see you today as I am not ready to meet. I will tell you again when will suits. Of course I would love to see my son  but not at this moment in time.’

She never went to a shelter before no, ?
I don’t know why she left our son so abruptly to be honest?
There is a strong element of mental health illness prevelant but she is refusing to admit this, and wont seek treatment, her response is I am the one with the problem, but I don’t walk out on my kids, never have ?

Its very hard to keep my son occupied as he is distraught with worry, ( hes a very gentle little guy and sensitive )

yes, takes my daughter and really believes that I have no right to see her, she is using her as a weapon against me as she knows my children are my soul …




No, I have never abused her, but she is of mind that I do, she is claiming every kind of abuse, really, its incredible as 2 nights before she ran away, I took her out for dinner and treated her, we had a babysitter, ( rare occasion ) and she seemed so ‘ok’ then the day she left, she made breakfast, all was ok, within an hour of having breakfast, she told me she hates me and doesn’t want to be with me?  I am still so confused over her behaviour and the speed and veracity of her actions. There clearly is mental health issues but she refuses to accept this.

I did tell the lawyer all of the above!

Her father suffers from several mental health disorders, her mother is nice. She is from a non English speaking country. so this could be an issue too? Her English is very good and has university education.
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Avatar universal
No I can assure you, i am a great dad to my two kids, and am a very caring husband, in fact i gave her everything of me.... i don't deserve what she is doing to me, i have worked very hard to give her a life of plenty, in fact i put my children and wife before myself, by meaning i would rather go without for them to have, in all aspects. In fact i should have left her years ago with the BS i was putting up with from her... but i stood by her and took it all, for the kids to be happy, as i said my children come 1st in my life
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1696489 tn?1370821974
Ugh, Aragon, I'm sorry to hear this.  I was married for awhile, too, and took our baby away with me, but only after he told me that I could, since without me, he had no way to care for the little one.  I did not leave for another man (even though back then, I could have attracted any man I chose).  I left for two reasons 1) He refused to work, spent hours playing video games, and refused to shower every day.  2) My whole family was making a mass exodus halfway across the country to be with the older members of our family.  Our family is VERY close, and I could not live 900 miles away from all of them!  So, no, it is not always another man.  I am sorry for your pain, and send blessings your way - Blu
Helpful - 0
4522800 tn?1470325834
Oh..My Heart Hurts for the Child with out there Mom. I pray she will come around soon because this is going to damage a lot of hearts. I can not say what she is up to but a Lawyer is the best. Yes going to a House to get away does not help you..It will most likely have to get bad for it to come out right. She is being very immature right now and does need to woman-up and talk to you. This can easily be worked out with out the courts if she would just talk to you. And leaving one child with you and taking the other does not sound like you are bad at all. My Prayers go out for you and her and the Kids..
Bless
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Oh, this is really hard.  She sounds like she has gone over the edge.  I do suspect she has another man.  How else is she supporting herself right now?  Although, you mention she has gone to a shelter---  was that recently before this happened?  

what is her reasoning for leaving her son so abruptly?  

Does she have a history of mental health??

I do think that his (your son) welfare is very important.  so, try to give him extra attention and keep him out of the fray between you and your wife.  

it's one thing to leave but so odd she just disappears and takes your daughter as if you have no right to see her?

Now, I just ask . . .  am knowing the answer is no.  But you haven't abused her, have you?  Is she claiming verbal or emotional abuse??  Again, I go back to what is going on with her that she'd be like this.  Does she have a history of any mental health issues??  

Ugh, very hard.  I'm glad you've seen a lawyer.  I'd also talk to him about her allegations and how you can come into contact with your daughter again.  I'd just get a game plan for how to begin pushing the issue.  And I'm so surprised that she can just take your child and disappear like that.  If my husband did that to me, you bet I'd call it kidnapping and flip my wig until the police helped reconnect me with my child.  

Don't approach her again though as she sounds dangerous with the accusations.  Go the legal route to gain access.  

Ugh.  Does she have any family you can contact like her parents?
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