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Wife watched another man mastrubate. Is this Cheating?
Hi...
I really need some help here. My wife has been taking guitar lessons at home. (not a problem as I run my business from there and there is always movement). I found out over the weekend after finding suspiciouse sms's and confronting my wife and the guy who she has lessons with that the following happened:
They talked to each other about their sex lives, and joked about playing guitar naked and kooking naked for each other. One afternoon they were standing outside, after a lesson. One of my employees left, and he started asking her if they kan get naked together in the garage and have sex in the garage. At first she denied annything happened untill the guy's wife phoned me. What happened next according to my wife, is that out of frustration she said "If you want to get naked get naked here!". He then took out his penis and started mastrubating in front of her. She said she looked away, but I doubt it. He finished and she offered a tissue.
She stoped the guitar lessons immediately with a phone call, but they still sent friendly sms's afterwards. She eventually admitted to me that she enjoyed the attention and that she enjoyed it and later mastrubated herself by thinking about what happened.
Is this cheating, and should I divorse? I have 2 kinds.
I really need some help here. My wife has been taking guitar lessons at home. (not a problem as I run my business from there and there is always movement). I found out over the weekend after finding suspiciouse sms's and confronting my wife and the guy who she has lessons with that the following happened:
They talked to each other about their sex lives, and joked about playing guitar naked and kooking naked for each other. One afternoon they were standing outside, after a lesson. One of my employees left, and he started asking her if they kan get naked together in the garage and have sex in the garage. At first she denied annything happened untill the guy's wife phoned me. What happened next according to my wife, is that out of frustration she said "If you want to get naked get naked here!". He then took out his penis and started mastrubating in front of her. She said she looked away, but I doubt it. He finished and she offered a tissue.
She stoped the guitar lessons immediately with a phone call, but they still sent friendly sms's afterwards. She eventually admitted to me that she enjoyed the attention and that she enjoyed it and later mastrubated herself by thinking about what happened.
Is this cheating, and should I divorse? I have 2 kinds.
I would ask myself if its possible to go on with a relationship when you have been cheated on. If the answer is no you can pull the plug. If you are invested in your relationship with her then you should ask yourself what do I need to make this work? If your not sure what that would be I would read "how to help your spouse" by Linda MacDonald. This book is very short and its for her. It has a straightforward list of what steps she has to make to expect to keep you around. Another good book is Shirley Glass "Not Just Friends" There is a group thing probably in your area called Beyond Affairs Network to check out. If you taking this really hard (Who wouldn't?) talk to your doctor about this. Ask if she/he thinks your showing signs of depression or anxiety.
Last - what she had admitted might be all that happened. I think there are good odds this is not everything and I would also get tested for HIV, STDs etc. This really sucks. Your not alone it happens to a lot of people. Asking your doctor for help is important. Don't let this cause you to do crazy ****.
Last - what she had admitted might be all that happened. I think there are good odds this is not everything and I would also get tested for HIV, STDs etc. This really sucks. Your not alone it happens to a lot of people. Asking your doctor for help is important. Don't let this cause you to do crazy ****.
This is a very old post but I must comment
If You have nothing to hide, You hide nothing
In my opinion ANYTHING one would not do in the precense of one's partner is cheating - simple as that
If You have nothing to hide, You hide nothing
In my opinion ANYTHING one would not do in the precense of one's partner is cheating - simple as that
To me, this is cheating, as it's certainly not being faithful. And my personal view on cheating has always been: if my spouse or significant other comes to me and confesses, tells me the whole truth upfront, there is room to work things out, or at least try. If they did not tell me, and I found out by "catching" them, there is no room for working it out. To me, it comes down to quality of character. If they screwed up but respected you enough to tell you the truth, the character needed for rebuilding the relationship is there. If not, there's just no way it will work. Just my personal opinion. I'm very sorry for what's happened and I wish you the best of luck.
well I am not sure what shape you are in but reading all this, why are you the victim here?.
I would not actually suggest this to you, but if this was my wife, I would most likely go round to the other guys house and challenge him to a game of racquet ball, during which I would make sure that he clearly got the message that if he ever even thinks about getting his tiny penis out in front of your wife again he is not going to find it easy to walk for a while, apart from that in the showers afterwards he would see that he is not really that well endowed, and that my wife was really humouring him as she felt sorry for him being so desperate as to have to masturbate in that way....he is clearly a looser ..I would make sure you have a future with your wife and put the message across to the other poor guy that if he is so sad that he has to get his tiny penis out in front of your wife again you will make sure he thinks twice. I would post a few News adverts around about Teacher preying on his pupils. He will lose his local work and probably have to move away...you have the moral high ground here...make sure he knows it...
I would not actually suggest this to you, but if this was my wife, I would most likely go round to the other guys house and challenge him to a game of racquet ball, during which I would make sure that he clearly got the message that if he ever even thinks about getting his tiny penis out in front of your wife again he is not going to find it easy to walk for a while, apart from that in the showers afterwards he would see that he is not really that well endowed, and that my wife was really humouring him as she felt sorry for him being so desperate as to have to masturbate in that way....he is clearly a looser ..I would make sure you have a future with your wife and put the message across to the other poor guy that if he is so sad that he has to get his tiny penis out in front of your wife again you will make sure he thinks twice. I would post a few News adverts around about Teacher preying on his pupils. He will lose his local work and probably have to move away...you have the moral high ground here...make sure he knows it...
Oh come on now! Since when does someone not getting attention make behavior like this okay? I think we each and everyone of us knows right from wrong. Was she thinking of how this might affect or hurt her husband? NO....Was she offended or put off by this talk and behavior? NOT ONE LITTLE BIT. Did she have a hand in encouraging or agging on the behavoior? Absolutely she did! I also get the feeling there is more to this story, but based on what did happen and her response to what happened, she sure wasnt thinking about how she might be betraying her partner. I would seriously run to a counselor, no I would advise you to run to a counselor because if my husband did something like this and still kept friendly correspondence afterward, he would be out on his ear. I take trust very seriously.
The average person would have booted the pervert out on his ear in a heartbeat or called the police to have him removed and filed charges. They would have been offended. She had no respect for herself, the pervert, her home or her man in this situation. But no, she thought it somehow gratifying in getting this kind of attention. Gal has issues in my opinion and not worthy of trust. IMO....
Would she have thought it okay if it had been her husband doing this in the same given situation in her home? I think not and that tells all that needs to be told.
The average person would have booted the pervert out on his ear in a heartbeat or called the police to have him removed and filed charges. They would have been offended. She had no respect for herself, the pervert, her home or her man in this situation. But no, she thought it somehow gratifying in getting this kind of attention. Gal has issues in my opinion and not worthy of trust. IMO....
Would she have thought it okay if it had been her husband doing this in the same given situation in her home? I think not and that tells all that needs to be told.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Oh, of course it does. It is terrible. I'd be so hurt and upset and frankly, disgusted if my husband did this. I don't buy that someone wasn't given enough attention so it was their "right" to participate in such activities.
However, it comes down to what you want. I love my husband and have two kids and want my marriage to work out. So I'd try to work through it. I'd take a small amount of blame for being overly busy but that does not negate her responsibility. What you do have to look at, however, is moving forward. What areas can be improved wit the relationship and what is going on in your wife's head that she possibly thinks that is alright. If she is completely remorseful, you can work through it hopefully. If she tells you it is your fault-------------------- it will be a lot tougher to work through.
I really think that you should set up a counseling session and seek professional relationship advice. good luck
However, it comes down to what you want. I love my husband and have two kids and want my marriage to work out. So I'd try to work through it. I'd take a small amount of blame for being overly busy but that does not negate her responsibility. What you do have to look at, however, is moving forward. What areas can be improved wit the relationship and what is going on in your wife's head that she possibly thinks that is alright. If she is completely remorseful, you can work through it hopefully. If she tells you it is your fault-------------------- it will be a lot tougher to work through.
I really think that you should set up a counseling session and seek professional relationship advice. good luck
Hi Guys, Thanks for the comments. No I was at a client at the time and wasn't home. No I have not given her enough attention. I was working on a major deadline since January and it is ending in 2 weeks, She should have understood this, as I am getting a real big client bonus for this that will allow us to pay off our home loan and thus a better life. The lck of attention was therefore only temporary.....
I have always given her enough attention before this deadline. I feel betrayed. I feel that she has broken a promise before God as this is not being faithfull. Now I am scared if I carry on with the marriage that she will do it again when in her opinion somewhere in the future I don't give enough attention!
She did confess eventually that she watched, giggled, stood right next to the car, offered a tissue and did tell him she enjoyed it! This hurts!
I have always given her enough attention before this deadline. I feel betrayed. I feel that she has broken a promise before God as this is not being faithfull. Now I am scared if I carry on with the marriage that she will do it again when in her opinion somewhere in the future I don't give enough attention!
She did confess eventually that she watched, giggled, stood right next to the car, offered a tissue and did tell him she enjoyed it! This hurts!
1 Comments
Bottom line: you must ask yourself if you can EVER trust her again. If the answer is NO, then staying in the marriage will be a disaster for both of you.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I just wanted to add--------- that if the reverse happened with my husband---------- it would take a LONG time for me to trust him again. I'd be pretty upset about it. So you are entitled to those feelings. But if you want to save the marriage, you'll have to address this as a WE vs a She issue.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Ouch. Were you home at the time as you run your business from home? Ouch. Ouch. Okay, so what to do now? Well, I wouldn't automatically divorce over this and look at it as a major wake up call. Your marriage is in trouble and your wife makes questionable decisions. I'd run----------- yes run------------ to a counselor. Not to beat her up over this but to find out what is missing in your own relationship that she would be tempted to participate in this. It may turn out that she has low character and then, YES, you have to divorce her. But I'd try to work it out first as you have children and love her.
But the guitar lessons are OVER. And I'd probably call the naked instructor and let him know that as well. Good luck
But the guitar lessons are OVER. And I'd probably call the naked instructor and let him know that as well. Good luck
Is it cheating...if that is all that happened I dont thin it is cheating. If it was my wife I would not be happy with her at all, but would I divorce her over that...no way. It sounds as if it was more to do about her self esteem then anything. I am not saying it is your fault, but do you pay enough attention to her? Tell her how beautful and sexy she is? Touch her loveingly? Do you pleasure her enough?
I would start with a conversation with her to find out what made her do something like that and see what you may not be doing for her.
I would start with a conversation with her to find out what made her do something like that and see what you may not be doing for her.
Flirtatious talk and behavior with a guitar instructor in her own home that leads to this kind of behavior certainly can not be called being faithful to the marriage. Other than that, what more do you need to know?
Mentally yes they cheated, although there was no physical contact. Its quite evident she enjoyed it since she waited until he finished his masturbation process, and I doubt she looked away. I doubt she would have told you anything if it wasnt for the guys wife phone call. And since they are still texting I am pretty sure down the line they will make official by cheating on you and his wife.
Let's see... they talk about their sex lives. He suggests getting naked and having sex in the garage. And she says, " If you want to get naked get naked here!" Then, he masturbates in front of her and she hands him a tissue after wards. Then, later... she masturbated to the thought about what happened with him. And, they're still having friendly chats.
Is this cheating? ... if it's not cheating now; it soon shall be.
Is this grounds for divorce? ... if it isn't now, it may soon be.
Is this cheating? ... if it's not cheating now; it soon shall be.
Is this grounds for divorce? ... if it isn't now, it may soon be.
2 Comments
Help yes it is cheating. Shouldn't even be in that position. Leave her and leave her fast because TRUST ME it will happen again and again and again.
Old post, but definitely a seedy thing to be involved in, I agree.
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