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6726276 tn?1421126668

Would you have sex on the first date?

My girlfriend and I have been talking about this for awhile. She met a guy online and they've been emling for a year.
  He promised to visit her state a few times, but didn't.
    She has the opportunity to be a houseguest of a friend of hers where this guy lives.
     So, she'll have the chance to meet him in person. She wants to check him out in bed right away.
       I think, why? What's the rush.  She thinks it'll be a time waster and wants to see if they are compatible.
        Even though they're both in their 50's, I think the old double standard will bite her in the butt. But personally I was
        a late bloomer and never had a one night stand.
         So, have times changed? Or should she go out 3 or 4 times before considering a sexual relation?
7 Responses
973741 tn?1342342773
Oh, I so so SO agree with you.  It's also a great way to make things really awkward between them.  I learned long ago that sex is so much better when it is with someone that you are in a relationship with.  Not someone you email with but someone you spend time with.  Otherwise, it makes the whole thing strained.  One or the other may have expectations that are not the same and it can just go down hill.  

Plus, it might not be too polite to her friend who might not appreciate it.  I wouldn't, to be honest.  Having a house guest and then another come over for a hook up would be kind of tacky.  Disrespectful to my home.

They should go on a date and then some dates after that. And if they are still interested in each other, THEN consider a sexual relationship.  In my opinion.  
Avatar universal
I guess it would depend on what she is looking for.  If she wants a meaningful relationship with this guy then she would be making a mistake by sleeping with him so soon. Personally I don't encourage casual sex especially in these times for various reasons.

He has pretty much already given her a red flag already; he has not come to visit her after promising to visit.  He is not a person of his word in my opinion.  Why should she go to on his turf and chase after him?  Sounds pretty desperate.

I hope she is not going to be tacky and try to use her friend's house as the hookup point.  

Running after a man.............desperate and sleeping with one upon the first meeting.................easy and desperate.

Why would she just be interested in being sexually compatible with him when she never met the man in person?  She doesn't sound rational.
Avatar universal
Why should she go to on his turf and chase after him?

should be..............

Why should she go on his turf and chase after him?

Avatar universal
It's silly to think one can find out if they are "sexually compatible" in a weekend.  The only thing She will "find out" is if Their parts work.  True "compatibility" comes in the long term - as We come to know One Another, as We come to know Each Others Bodies, as We come to know 'likes' and 'dislikes', etc.  I guess "sex" (per se) is about "performance" for many people in today's world but "having sex" isn't even in my vocabulary.  To me it is "lovemaking" and should be reserved for "making love" with one (THE one) who is a significant other F I R S T !!.  Everyone is likely to be "sexually compatible" from the get go -  but intensity grows with time - Making Love with my Man has only become more and more exquisite with time.  Our very first weekend together was wonderful in every way but does not even compare with Our "compatibility" of today.  Anything and everything needs nurturing in order to bloom.  That doesn't happen in a "one night stand" or even a weekend
13167 tn?1327194124
My guess is,  she won't actually meet him face to face.  He's held her at arm's length for a year.  Even if she goes to his town I doubt he'll meet her.  

I don't think,  even if she does meet him,  that he will want to go to bed with her.  I think he knows he has had the chance to,  and he's opted out.  

Sometimes people engage in long distance relationships because that's what they want - a long distance no contact relationship.  

It would be interesting if you post back about what happens with her.  My money is on the idea that she'll get there,  set up a place to meet,  and he won't be there.

Avatar universal
I wouldn't be at all surprised if it turns out that he's married and just pretended to be single to string her along. She should know better at her age that long distance email pen pals can only be taken with a grain of salt. If this clown was truly interested in her he would've already come to visit her very frequently instead of putting it off for a year.

She is going to learn the hard way that this guy was yanking her chain all along and never had any intention of meeting her face to face.
6726276 tn?1421126668
Very interesting responses. She's in India right now, and I can hardly wait to tell her all of your insights. I'm way more unaware. Thank you all. These things have not even crossed my mind.
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