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abused

My husband  been abusive about 4 times in 2years. I put him in jail and he got help I forgave him.  A few months later he started be verbally abusive spit on my face and the next day he's sorry etc and acts like nothing happened the sweetest person. I keep for giving him because he acts normal for months then he starts again this time he punchrd me in the face that I'm worried my cheek bone is deformed. How can I get rid of him? He said again sorry etc that he won't do it again . Will he change? I have a  1 year old with him. He said he's not leaving till he's has money and I just signed mylease and have no money to go or where to go. I don't know what to do anymore I hate him and I'm afraid to kick him out that's y the last fight started
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1670196 tn?1306841245
It's scarey, I know because I did it with two little kids.  You can do this and you have to do it.  I know you think you can't, I know it seems impossible.  Trust me, its not.  If I could wave some magic wand and just move you out of the situation, I would, but you and I both know that isn't how it works.  

Make sure you have important papers like birth certificates, social security cards, your ID or driver's license, a copy of your marriage license (or write down his social security number), (you'll need his social security number when you file for a ppo, but remember it's important to have it, but it doesn't make you invincible) anything you can't easily get copies of.  Put them into something and stow it away, you might not be able to do it all at once so do it while he's out.

Please, please, please, get out as soon as you can.  Wait for him to leave to go wherever it is he goes (the longer he is going to be gone the better, it gives you a better head start) and go.  Maybe your neighbor could give you a lift if they are willing to get involved.  DON'T LAG AROUND ONCE HE GOES, JUST GRAB THE ESSENTIALS AND GO.  I know you will have to leave a lot behind, but it can all be replaced.  

It sounds harsh doesn't it.  Your saying to yourself that you can stay, now the neighbor has the photos so the cops will come...  You know deep down that's not true.  You owe him nothing and you didn't ruin his reputation, abusers do that all themselves.   You know you need to leave, you know the abuse isn't going to end.  Walk out now, while you can still walk.

You can do this.  Clear your computer's browser history too.  I don't know if you do that already, but you don't want him seeing any of this before you leave.  I should have told you that before and I just forgot, I'm sorry.  He obviously doesn't know though, or you would have heard about it.

We're all here, listening, pulling for you.  I don't know about the others,but I am checking this post almost hourly.  You can do this, you need to do this.  You'll make it, I did...
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I had a friend that got beaten up pretty bad by an ex.  She told me if he had beaten her any worse she might not have been alive.  She got out, and yes she had a child with him who was barely a year old. She did it and you can do it too.
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Avatar universal
Thank you, for your advice. he has issues he saids I don't love him asking me every day the same questions. he saids his mom didn't show him how to love why should I pay the consequences. mindy yes he's done the same thing found a way to separate me from the world I even work from home. while he goes too the gym etc, I'm not going to confront him anymore or call his family none of that has gone well. I did tell him a neighbour he  doesnt know has all the pictures and all his info on all he's done too me so one more yell out of this house and the cops will be here in seconds so he walks out embarrassed and whispering around. because he is scared. he has the nerve to say iv ruined his reputation. thanks every one
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Dear, these are all examples you give of classic abuse.  Truth be told, rarely does this get better.  Anger management is beyond someone with these types of issues.  Yes, he probably really did  have a crummy childhood perhaps beaten himself or seeing his mom smacked around.  But, growing up in a loveless and volatile home does not negate one's responsibility as an adult to not hurt those they live with.  

He's hurt you.  He will again.  That is all you need to know.  Please call your parents as soon as possible and contact a woman's shelter.  Make your plans to go as soon as possible.  Staying with him really isn't an option.  And yes, you'll probably need a protection order against him to keep him away from you.  Has he lost rights to his child?  Well, for now, yes.  He's violent.  Get out as soon as you can.

sorry as I know this is probably really scary.  You are a mother of a young child and are not sure where you could go or what you could do to get by--------  but you need to trust that things like that come second to your safety.  Don't talk to him about it anymore-----  just go.  Oh, and don't write down things that he might find such as where you are going or when. Take care hon.  Peace.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thank you, for your advice. he has issues he saids I don't love him asking me every day the same questions. he saids his mom didn't show him how to love why should I pay the consequences. mindy yes he's done the same thing found a way to separate me from the world I even work from home. while he goes too the gym etc, I'm not going to confront him anymore or call his family none of that has gone well. I did tell him a neighbour he  doesnt know has all the pictures and all his info on all he's done too me so one more yell out of this house and the cops will be here in seconds so he walks out embarrassed and whispering around. because he is scared. he has the nerve to say iv ruined his reputation. thanks every one
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
It's time to go, young lady.  Habitual abuse only seems to escalate, and now that its gone this far, it has gone way too far!  All of the information above is good as gold, and confronting this guy is the wrong thing to do.  

You owe this guy nothing, not even an explanation.  Your life and the life of your child is in jeopardy, and nothing is worth risking that.  Women's shelters and the police is your starting point for contacts, and work every bit of a support system you may already have in place.  By no means do you contact any mutual friends.... there might be a time and place for that, but it is well down the line after you've put yourself and your child in a far safer environment.

Good luck to you!
Helpful - 0
932659 tn?1332118704
I am so sorry this happened to you and has been happening to you and please, listen to the advice of the above posters.  As Mindy said, it will only get worse.  I've also had an abusive boyfriend who punched me, choked me, etc., and each time like you said he would say sorry, get help, and I would forgive him.  It's a cycle, and a vicious one at that and he will only get worse, not better.  I know you said you don't have any money, but start calling around to your local shelters, church's, somebody will help.  God Bless and Good Luck.
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi.  I'm so sorry!  That picture is painful to look at.  To me, certain things are definate deal breakers and physical abuse is one of them.  You just can't stay with him.  It is not safe for you or your baby.  

Please do as rockrose said-------------  call a battered womens shelter immediately.  Do you have parents you could go to?  There are things called section 8 housing to help provide shelter, other assistence programs for food and necessities, public insurance for those below a certain income line.  You sound like you could use our public programs to get yourself back on your feet (do not make it a lifestyle, however!!  You must make a plan on how to be self sufficient such as going to a trade school and getting trained to do a job!!).  But right now, you need to be safe.  This man isn't safe.

I'd consider a restraining order against him. I'd leave when he is gone and just go.  Do not confront him.  Just go.  

Again, your first step is to call battered women's shelters and your parents or a sibling for help.  Do it today!  Peace.
Helpful - 0
1670196 tn?1306841245
I had a physically (and emotionally & verbally) abusive husband.  At the time I left I also had a 4 and 1 year old.  Get out and get out now.  I stayed 10 years, he ended up beating on my oldest daughter.  It got really ugly and I didn't think I could do it, he had separated me from everyone and we lived in a house his parents owned (I had nothing of my own).  It's probably best if you can go when he isn't there or while he's asleep but do what you have to.  I was only able to take a bag of clothes for each one of us and a small bag of toys for the girls, so you might not be able to take everything you want.  You can definitely call shelters, that's what they are there for but if you have family or friends (friends that are yours, not mutual) that is a way to go too.  He isn't going to change, he's going to get worse.  I have a big house and if I knew where you were I would come and get you right now.  My ex pointed an assault rifle at me and told me I couldn't leave him and I'd never make it without him.  I've been away from him since 2003 and I promised myself that if I could ever help anyone in that situation, I would.  Please let me know if you need anything.  You don't deserve this, nothing you've done gives him the right to treat you like he does.  Please get out before its too late.  
Helpful - 0
13167 tn?1327194124
Jass,  you need to not mess with the internet,  and instead spend your time calling battered women's shelters or family members.

None of us here can help you except to tell you to seek help.  You don't list in your profile where you live,  so none of us can offer to look up links for help where you live.

Get help where you live,  real help,  not just verbal support.  

None of us saying oh goodness how awful for you will make a difference in your life.

Best wishes.  If you want to be out of there,  you can be out of there with one call to a battered women's shelter,  with this pic and your baby.
Helpful - 0
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