advice?

[nessadmiller]

Me and my husband recently got back together, we have no kids, he wants one really bad but I don't. I'm scared I don't love him like I used to. Our past hasn't been so good. The reason we split up in the first place was he was being abusive...I was madly in love with him before and thought I was when he came back but now that he is actually back I don't feel the same, and he hasn't changed. Yet he trys to be so loving and caring at other times. Like he is constantly trying to kiss me and be up my a**. Which annoys me...but makes me think well is he trying to change and he just can't? He still is slightly abusive, not as bad as before. I'm very consfused. I need some advice or some guidiance. Or just some one to talk to..

[txgurl4real]

Oh my goodness how scary. He really should seek some help and this is definetly not a safe or healthy enviroment for yourself or a child. No matter what he does it IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Wishing you the best of luck.

[nessadmiller]

Thank you liz. He has slit His wrist man times infront of me. He has shot himself infront of me. Im scared. And he puts it all on me saying i make him stressed and what not.:(

[nessadmiller]

Thank you liz. He has slit His wrist man times infront of me. He has shot himself infront of me. Im scared. And he puts it all on me saying i make him stressed and what not.:(

[Nighthawk61]

Your husband is threatening suicide. So did mine, when i was your age. I went out with my brother, and came home to find him drinking, and i got worried, because this was new. He wasn't drunk, but he was crazy. He took a rasor blade and slit both his wrists, I had blood all over me, and went running out onto the street. It was at night and it was dark, and way back then there were no cell phones. I ended up kicking in a glass door to a shop, and walked in and phoned my mother, I just said, "Mom, i'm outside the apartment, Rick slit his wrists, please call an ambulance." I hung up, walked over the glass, out onto the street, I had blood ALL over my body, my legs, my stomach my face my hands, and got on a street car heading no where. I was later charged for a break in, but the charges were dropped. When I went back into the apartment, I noticed that Rick had PURPOSELY covered the door with a huge amount of blood. Rick didn't like it when i spent time with my family. When i went to the hospital my husband was in good spirits. He had made some calls, and he informed me that we were moving because he had just landed a job, on the other side of the country. This would make everything okay.The problem is, I moved with him. I don't know if it was because i thought he would end his life, or not. I know that I loved him and I wanted him to be well and to treat me well. Whereas there had been a small amount of abuse, pushing, shoving, a slap, after we moved away from my family, the abuse escalated. The day i was legally married, he beat me and threw me out the back door and told me to dig a garden.

This is what happens when there is no professional help, this is what happens when a man who starts throwing things in the middle of the night, with you scared and shaking in your bed, can go.

PLEASE GET OUT OF THAT HOUSE..........AND DON"T GO BACK.....

You have found support, you are not alone, you've got this, you can survive this and move on to a GOOD LIFE, please, don't throw that away!!!

Liz

[specialmom]

I totally agree with Londres.  Oh my goodness, dear.  The advice in that other post was that you need to get away from this.  He's still abusive and now trying to manipulate you with suicide threats.  

Absolutely do not bring a child into this situation.  It wouldn't be fair to a baby.

Sort out your life and decide if you will be held hostage by what seems to be a dysfunctional relationship.  

Re read what you wrote and the advice to you.

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Relationships/what-should-i-do/show/1825349#post_8421707

good luck

[Londres70]

I think I responded to another post of yours and my advice still stands as is.......I fear you staying in this abusive relationship in regards to your safety and in no way, shape or form should you be contemplating having a child with this man.  Then, not only would you be in the abusive situation your child would be as well.  Do you want that?

Every poster above has given you SOUND AND PRUDENT advice.  I would take it if I were you.  I don't think anyone is going to advise you to stay and work things out with an abuser especially if he is NOT seeking professional help.  I understand you probably love him deeply, but you can't help or change him dear.  

BTW:  Abuse is abuse......no "slight" about it.  

[TTinKKerBBell]

Ditto Webbers and
Ditto txgurl4real

"You don't love Him like You used to"
"Your past hasn't been so good"
"You split in the first place cuz He was abusive"
"He hasn't changed"
"He annoys me"
"He is still slightly abuse"

These are Your words.  This isn't a good Relationship for You and certainly not a situation to bring a Baby into.  Even "slightly" abusive is a deal breaker.  Abuse doesn't "get" better, instead most often it escalates.  You parted ways once which shows You that You can live without Him.  Please don't live Your life unhappy, and confused, and scared.  You deserve better!!  This I know is true.
Good Luck

[txgurl4real]

I totaly agree with Webbers. A man who abused you is not a man you want to have a child with. I think you already know the answer to your own question. Good Luck :)

[Webbers]

A real man who truly loves his woman would never be abusive toward her. That is a fact. Since you admit that he has a history of abusive behavior toward you, regardless of whether you classify it as Light abuse or not, the worst thing you could do is bring a child into this situation. Any child exposed to an abusive parent will grow up to perpetuate the cycle and I'm sure you don't want that for any child of yours.

Trust your gut, it's telling you this person is not right for you. Don't allow fear of being alone or anything else to keep you in an abusive relationship or even in a relationship that you know deep down is not working for you anymore.