Husband lied now what to do?

[koko1988102]

My husband and I started out in a non traditional relationship, we were in a no strings attached sex only  which worked for a while but I started to fall for him, I didn't tell him and kept things the way that they had been going because while I knew we would probably not end up together I enjoyed being around him. We had an accident and I got pregnant I told him about it and we decided that we wanted to be together I lost the baby and told him that if he wanted to end the relationship I understood since this was something he never wanted to being with. He stayed saying that we were meant to be together regardless of the miscarriage we would have wound up together and we ended up getting married and now have a beautiful daughter together. He has recently informed me that had I not gotten pregnant the first time we probably wouldn't have ended up together. Since then I have been picking fights with him over anything and everything , which isn't normal for us we have had very little fighting in our relationship because we tell the truth, I feel as though I am trying to push him away because I don't want him to push me away later in life saying that I trapped him into marriage. Does this make sense to anyone I'm trying to make sure I can explain it properly because I don't want to hurt him or our marriage I Love him and our daughter with everything I have and want to find a way to get through this!

[specialmom]

I do think there is such a thing as too much honestly.  Your husband's revelation that he wouldn't be with you if you hadn't gotten pregnant was nothing short of hurtful.  wow, I'd be so very sad if my husband actually uttered those words to me.  

Was he telling you that in a such a way to let you know that this allowed him to be with you longer so the love and bond formed or was it to let you know that he's with you because of the pregnancy, even to this day?  

Either way, he put some doubts in your mind.  

You are reacting emotionally with  this at the root but it shows itself as fighting with him.  I'd see a counselor to better learn how to directly identify what is happening within you and how to handle it with good communication verses passive aggressively (the fighting, push/pull thing you are currently doing).  

I do think things like this can be worked out if he can redeem what he has said to you.  If my husband has things that hurt me to the core but h as the intention of staying married to me, he can keep his 'honesty' to himself.  I don't need to know every gory detail he has in his head if it causes me pain if in the end he loves me and wants to be with me.  

anyway, I do hope this resolves and you two can go on to be happy together as this sounds to be what you really want to have happen.  peace

[VICourageous]

Very Good Advise from above..Just try to live day by day "Happy" and let God & Time do the rest..

Bless

[RockRose]

koko,  I'm trying to reconcile your title with the text of your post.

I don't see a lie - I see a truth that is hurtful.

You write very clearly,  and what you have described is a man who was very happy to have a no strings sexual agreement,  with no pretense of commitment or attachment.

Then,  when you got pregnant he did the very honorable thing of staying with you,  and probably at that time liked you and had enough affection for you that he could see marrying you and working it out for the baby.

Then,  you miscarried and at that time,  you had formed a bonded relationship that you continued successfully.   And now you both love each other.

But the truth is, if you hadn't gotten pregnant,  you probably would have continued your no strings attached sexual agreement until at some point a woman came into his life that he fell in love with,  and at that time you would no longer be sleeping together.

I think you are insightful when you say you are pushing him away so he can't be the one who pushes away.  Don't do that.  This is a great guy who you are building a great life and family with.

Maybe you're both too honest,  actually.  Some truths don't need to be verbalized.

BTW - and this is hindsight you can pass on to your daughter.  "Never have sex with a man who's not in love with you".  That kernel of wisdom will almost completely shield her from having a broken heart.

[TTinKKerBBell]

I'm a believer that love builds and grows with time.

I think He was just being 'honest' and 'forthcoming' in a conversation with You.  He probably didn't think for a moment that You would react the way You did.  Men are 'wired' differently and D O N ' T think/react the same way we do.

He also said "We were meant to be together regardless of the miscarriage".  You went on to marry, had a Daughter together, and You speak of no 'problems'.  It seems to me that You are being 'selective' and 'negative' regarding that comment.

Even if the initial pregnancy is what prompted the marriage in the first place - I'm a firm believer that love builds and grows over time and His Love for You is probably greater now than it was in the beginning.  He probably thinks You realize that.

Don't beg a problem that probably doesn't exist.

[ROSYouralright]

You didn't trap or trick him! He was a grown man who made a decision... Maybe he just meant that"life circumstances" made him make the decision to be more than FWB's. That is not necessarily a bad thing... He probably could have lived forever with all the sex and none of the responsibility.... (not such a bad deal right?) When it came time to **** or get off the pot, he did! That is very commendable...
That being said...
You need to stop being passive aggressive and just TELL HIM, OPEN & HONESTLY how his statement made you feel...
Use the truth you referred to and I bet he didn't mean it the way it came out!
Sounds like you have a pretty good marriage kiddo...
I'd hate to see the problems pile up and the tensions build over lack of communication:-)