affair

[Hornets1979]

Ok I know im going to catch some major heat from all this, but need advice anyway, for the past month ive been having a affair with my friends husband, We met 6 years ago (he and I) And almost dated then but lost contact, He then met and married her, I work with her so we all met up one night and He and I realized even after 6 years those feelings were still there, We talk on the phone and on the computer, my kids adore him and we adore eachother, they arent happy and have not been for a long time, they will both admit to that. He keeps teelling me he isnt going to stay with her, but does not want to just bring that up suddenly to her because it will crush her, I understand, But she comes to me for advice about her marriage, the main thing is there is no trust from her, which she now has reason not to trust him. He told her last week it was over but hes still there. I know he loves her, they are married. He also tells me he loves me and wants to be with me, I do love him. And know im not a very good friend to her if im sleeping with her husband, now the thing is I could be pregnant, We slept together the 17th and 22nd, I am due for my period the 29th, but dont think I ovulated, I had my period last month from the 26th til the 2nd, So shouldnt I have ovulated around the 12th til 15th? I need all the advice I can get, I know it may not be what I want to hear but, may need to hear, What would you do what should I do? In the whole situation, And how possiable is it that im pregnant? Sex was unprotected and he came multiple times each time.

[Kimberlee_20]

How selfish, my family just went through this same EXACT situation, and I being the child got hurt more than anyone, my mother attempted suicide because some dumb *** that claimed to be my mothers BEST FRIEND and my GOD MOTHER decided it'd be a good idea to try to be 18 again and act like they're care free and have no one in their damn minds but themselves! I hope this REALLY hits the fan for you, and I hope YOU get hurt, because god knows that this other woman shouldn't. You shouldn't be ASKING him if it's her or you, because it's never been you, he's MARRIED, he already decided! And it's not just going to be his wife and family that'll hate you when this gets out, AND IT WILL even if you decide to end it, expect the whole town and all your family knowing & HUMILIATING you for being so stupid.

[Loulou268]

He is using you to spice up his life, nothing more. He will tell you what you want to hear & he will be playing happy families when he is with his wife. When the **** hits the fan he will blame you for everything, you will lose him & your friend. I was on the recieving end of my fiance doing this to me, he gave her a load of BS about our relationship, told her i was a lunatic, that he was with me because he had nowhere else to go which baffled me because he owns his own home. This type of man is a professional bullshitter, he will have a masters degree in it. My ex came back to me crying & pleading, telling me it was her leading him astray awww my heart bleeds, i found it hard to accept what he done but i did try to work through it only he couldnt stay faithful so he has gone back to her no doubt Bshitting his way through only this time i no longer have to deal with his f**kedup life, now she has it all to deal with & believe me, you really dont want to end up with someone  who is capable of  such so much deception.

[treazzure007]

shameful.  just shameful.  i can tell you have learned nothing from this.  you covet someone's spouse, you are deceitful, you lie, you cheat, you are hindering them from flourishing, plus you couldn't even take birth control!  you have allowed satan to use you as a tool to destroy that family.  that man is an idiot and his wife would actually do better than to be w/ someone who betrays her, their vows, and risks her life for a floozy.  nothing good is coming your way woman

[imanaddict]

Have you considered what this will do to your friend AND your job? You just might lose both because of your deception. Nothing good EVER comes out of an affair. My advice to you is to end it now before it gets ugly. And believe me, it will!

[KATE535]

I would have to agree with mami, you have made yourself the beneficiary to this marriage by scrounging information from both him and his wife for your own selfish gain - but really, as much as you think he is unhappy - listen to your friend instead when she tells you things are fine with them - HE is lying to you to keep you 'happy', to keep using you. She is more likely to be the honest one here.
Mami is right, he would have left her already if he was gonna leave at all.
You have to understand why it angers people reading your posts - why wouldn't you want to give this man up? Love will fade and can be replaced, being used and second-best to this man WONT CHANGE. He already has little genuine respect for you not to be protecting you from getting pregnant when you are intimate with him.
I also think he will do the same to you, as he must have no guilt whatsoever to be doing this to two women. You will be treated no different to her, and she means more to him than you do or he'd be with you now. So he will probably treat you with even more disrespect if you ever end up together.
How great it would be if you would get some dignity and self-respect and walk away from this man. His wife deserves an honest friend, one she can trust, so walk away from her too.
I would start afresh. Sorry to seem harsh but...

[mami1323]

Would you really want him if he chose you?  Let's say you and him do end up together, and you have a friend who he's attracted to and he does the same thing to you that he did to his wife.  How would you feel?  Karma is very real and you are just asking for a life time of heartache.  Would you ever really trust him?  You will be known as the woman who stole her friend's husband....what a stigma to have.  I'm not trying to be cruel but what you have done is in my eyes inexcusable.  This woman trusts you so much that she shares intimate details about her marriage with you and confides in you.  You use that information for your own selfish needs.  You need to not ask him to choose between you and her and just suck it up and walk away.  If a child is involved that's a whole other issue but until you know for sure, you need to do the right thing and leave him all together.  And trust me, if he was going to leave her, he would've done it already.  He's not going anywhere, just having his cake and eating it to.

[heatherlynn22]

if he's getting mad and defensive....i'm sorry to say but it sounds like he loves her. like my grams always said...why buy the cow when the milk's free? if he can keep you strung along as his "piece on the side" so to say and have his wife and know that you'll keep on waiting why would he leave his wife?

[iam1butterfly]

If he won't choose; then, maybe you have to choose for him.
I know... it's hard and it hurts!
Take care.

[Hornets1979]

No I really dont think he is going to leace her, Ive had the thought in my mind for a while, each thing you all said was helpful to me, huts but I did want honesty. I know if I were to stay with him I would always be the other woman, I dont feel like a very good friend, and he should not feel like a very good husband, I get his side to this and hers, she says they are doing really good, he of course tells me they are not, But if hes so unhappy why hasnt he left yet? He has so many excuses, im caught up in this because I do love him and could be pregnant, its to early to tell yet. He tells me he loves me and wants to be with me, when I question him about being with me or staying with her he gets kinda mad and asks why he always has to defend wanting to be with me, that I should just belive him. But I dont, I dont want to walk away from him, I dont want to lose him if hes really even mine, But how do Ii know he isnt really happy at home? I dont just what he tells me. Im really tired of everytime I think someone cares I find they dont. Now a child could be involved, im not proud of myself, if I was I wouldnt have asked for advice. Thank you all for each point you made, i will let you kow what turns out, He and I are meeting tomorrow to talk about things, its either me or her, and if he really does love her I want him to stay, but were telling her about what has went on with us, or if he really wants to be with her he has to leave and still tell her, its only right she knows right?

[KATE535]

It's a pretty devastating situation for all if you ask me: For You (will be always second best to this man, the child wont change anything), Your friend (when she finds out about the affair and the baby), and for Him (good ridance) when he has the rug pulled from under his feet when all this gets out and he is responsible for a child.
And what a disgusting man he is ''multiple c*ming'' gross! without a thought for his wife and what could result - a baby.
Poor baby I say. It's very likely you will be a single mum because he sounds contently married - he is not seeking a divorce is he - he has you as his 'put-up-with-all-his-using-sh*t-woman-on-the-side', then goes home to his wife to play happy families.
He will always be attracted to having two women at once - he has no consience about that so he will do it again and again, with you or with her. So he is not worth keeping.
Advice - stop putting up with being used as his bit-on-the-side, find a pure, true man of YOUR OWN. And be pure and true yourself. No other woman will trust you as their friend when this gets out, at least any in committed relationships. Sorry but you've asked for this.
Pregnant? Do the best you can as a mother for your baby, but do it without him.

[mami1323]

Oh gosh, how do I try not to spew anger onto you.  I'm trying to be very unbias here, given that I was the woman betrayed in my situation.  But even if I wasn't I think the same thing would come out.  What in the world were you thinking?  I don't care what feelings are there.  You should be completely ashamed of yourself.  This is your friend!  This is your friend's husband!  The father of her children.  You are not a teenager, but a grown woman who should know how to move away from a situation that is not good.  Not only are you going to destroy her but you will destroy those children.  He is not going to leave her and if he does then he should've done that even long before he began any type of relationship.  To go after you, her friend, is completely low.  I don't even care if you two were going to date 6 million years ago.  This is deception on the farthest end of the spectrum.  There is no excuses for it.  I don't care if they had the worst marriage known to mankind.  Maybe it's a bad marriage because he's cheating....did that ever cross your mind?  A mature man would face up to his problems in his marriage, communicate them to his wife and handle it, either by working them through or by leaving.  You don't cheat!  How many men in this type of situation will tell the other woman my marriage is bad, I'm going to leave but can't because I don't want to hurt my wife and kids?  Um, they all say that but turns out, they rarely leave.  If they do, wouldn't you constantly wonder if he would do the same thing to you.  Now here you are, possibly pregnant.  At your age, you would think you would be more responsible.  I hope that you aren't because that conversation to your friend would be disasterous.  I'm sure you want to hear things that are more helpful to your situation but you asked for brutal honesty.  If you are pregnant, you need to decide if you are going to tell him and her, if you are going to keep the baby or if you are going to step out of the triangle.  I think you should step out but that's only my opinion.  Good luck because you are going to need it.

[heatherlynn22]

do you believe him when he says he's leaving her? how long has he been saying this? a lot of married men who have affairs say ohhh i can't stand her. i'm so unhappy. i'm leaving her. i love you. blah blah blah. most of them ....never leave their wives. do they have kids? that'll make it even less likely he's telling you the truth.

as far as the pregnancy goes....take a test. was it unprotected? if so why are you putting yourself at risk for getting pregnant? that doesn't necessarily mean he'll leave her to be with you.

[iam1butterfly]

" Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive."

I think that you should take this pregnancy issue as a wake-up call for you to decide if you're going to continue with the affair. As much as you both may love each other, you can't possibly be happy with secrecy and deception of this arrangement. The guilt that you're living with must be enormous. I strongly recommend that you save yourself and those involved by quickly and quietly exiting the relationship... otherwise, you face some very difficult and disappointing times ahead.