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another suspicion

This is my third time writing...my latest issue is that I found out yesterday that the storage facility close to my house is most likely one that my husband is using.  Long story, but the owner was having a garage sale outside and I stated that this storage facility was the one my husband was using (just did it to check and see if there was any chance I was right)..to my surprise, the owner stated that he knew my husband.  I never ex[ected that response, and now I wonder if he knows him from the facility or just from around town.  I could not ask any more questions--I asked him initially how much extra space my husband had in his storage bin and never expected his response--"I do not go in the specific bins, you need to ask your husband, not me!"  I also got my own PO b ox and sent two pieces of junk mail to two of the suspected open po boxes that my husband has, awaiting if they come back to my box or not.  This is an insane situation, I do not know whether it is me, or if he is really bad!  It is killing me.  I need to wait a few more days on the mail issue,,,if they do not come back, then I know he has two open PO boxes and a suspected storage bin...can anyone out there let me know if you have ever experienced this?  If the storage bin turns out to be real, then what could be in there, do I confront him, etc.?  I find it so strange the storage bin owner knew my husband's name as soon as I stated it.  Where does this end, do I end a marriage on suspicions of mistrust, do I continue investigating when I have so so many loose ends (I was the girl married to the man with the too close daughter and he has an alias name in five states)..I feel like I am beginning to lose my mind..someone, please let me know if you have experienced this.  Thanks.
6 Responses
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hm.   Smokey, I don't get it.  You are upset because your husband may have a secret . . . storage locker??  And you think he does and are asking odd questions to the man who owns one because you have a suspicion that he has some secret things he is storing???  Don't get it.  

I think you are going to drive yourself crazy this way.  You used the word insane and at this point you are not reacting or behaving in an emotionally healthy way.  

I'm seeing a pattern of obsessive thinking.  I am wondering if you have ever spoken to anyone about this.  You did not respond to your last question of a similar nature.  So I will restate that when you are hiring private detectives, following your husband around yourself and questing his every move------------- what marriage do you really have?  


My wish for you is that you seek a therapist so that you can sort out with a professional what is going on.  Both in your marriage (not speaking of all of your suspicions but your absolute lack of closeness that you act as if you  know nothing about your husband and suspect his every move) and your own emotional state.  good luck
Avatar universal
i can see how it seems...I understand everything you are saying and feel you are correct.  I do not know how it go to this point.  I am an educated women in a high profile, professional position.  I go to work and function at top speed and am not emotionally unstable there at all...it is when I come home to this position that I feel awful.  I know how it sounds, but his past experiences involved multiple po boxes, storage facilities, etc.  This comes directly from his ex wife and I am well aware that what I am doing is not exactly normal, but I am compelled to get to the bottom of the actual physical answers so that I can have a concrete answer as to if this is related to my past trust issues or if this is indeed his multiple secret life...does that make sense?  I know this is not a normal life, i cannot even relax anymore,m but when I look at him, I need to know if I am right or if i am condemning someone without having the full story.  it is a gut wrenching situation, I still have some feelings for him but i do not trust him at all and I am well aware of the physical and emotional toll this is taking on me.  I am constantly tired, have gained weight and am sad all the time.  The investigation has taken far too long, but the Pi is actually ready to go to the DA on Tuesday and feels they have enough circumstantial evidence to do something.  That, in and of itself, indicates this is not just my imagination, but my investigative, journalistic nature compels me to know all the answers that I can possibly attain.  I hope that makes more sense.  
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
go the the DA with what?  PO boxes?  Storage facilities?  What is it you are accusing him of and why are you married to a man that you can not have an honest conversation with?

This in and of itself tells you what to do.  Maybe you are going over the top with the accusations and cloak and dagger stuff . . . maybe it is real.  But either way-------------  you are married to a man that you have very little connection or emotional intimacy with.  

So, I think that regardless of what he is doing or not doing------------  that needs to be let go of and you must concentrate on the fact that your relationship is not built on a foundation that will carry it forward.  I'm sorry to say that and it is only my opinion.

I would start therapy.  As an educated, professional woman------------  you know that going to an expert is the best way to get past something.  I think you need to see a psychologist for clarity here.  Not to figure out what he is doing but that you are in a very distant relationship.  And if you are having obsessive thinking that is detrimental----------- you need to address that.  I do suspect this.  Your post about his daughter would be an example.  You are reading many things into what happens that I don't think most would see.  

So, see a therapist to discuss the state of things (again, I feel you will have to give up your quest for the 'truth'----------- ) and discuss the state of your life in general regarding this relationship.  good luck
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
By the way------------- VERY IMPORTANT.  You state that you are constantly tired, gaining weight, always sad.  Clear symptoms of depression.  Your inability to relax and obsessive thinking would indicate anxiety as well.  Obsessive Compulsive disorder is not just rituals that people think of but also thought patterns of an obsessive nature.  

While you are still functioning at your job, this will eventually carry over.  I urge you to seek true help with this.  Start with your primary care physician and get advice of where to go next.  A psychologist is essential and possibly a psychiatrist.  Don't let your life go down the tubes due to a chemical imbalance.  good luck
Avatar universal
I agree with specialmom.

A district attorney? Do you suspect him of doing something illegal?
Avatar universal
As someone who knows the law a DA would laugh at you. Not trying to be harsh or anything. To start you need reasonable suspicion to obtain a warrant. And unless you give them pictures of your husband loading bombs or coke into the locker then they have nothing and by law can not do anything.
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