break up

[danzel_in_distress]

So I broke up with my boyfriend after a somewhat rocky seven year relationship. The guy didnt treat me great. I often heard (mostly in rocky times) "your a ****** joke" and well he could yell for hours. Just couldnt calm down. There were lost of trust issues, compatibility issues but we were crazy about each other. We had so much history. So I persevered through the years with a positive outlook that has caused me palpitations and constant anxiety about the future. I have been broken up with him for a month and a half and although Im happy I left him, I cant help but stare at the phone in case he left a message. We've broken up several times before and well he pursued me and I guess I was flattered and felt huh he really is a romantic and oh hes really trying. He would do some really sweet things.. And I guess a part of me still wants to go on believing in posibitlities, I used to love the idea we were highschool sweet hearts. Not I think hes narrowminded, mentally abusive (could be really controlling) and ignorant. So why the hell am I waiting for his rescue?! I mean I have had some power for myself. I told him I dont want to communicate and I could call him at any second and know we could just as easily go back into a relationship. I just want to stop needing him. So what do I do meanwhile?

[mami1323]

I agree with specialmom, just because he was bad for you doesn't mean you will just get over it.  He is a routine for you.  At some point he was your best friend.  You called him when something happened, you called him probably all throughout the day so you have to just get out of that routine of wanting to talk to him.  When I went through a major breakup I would find solace in the gym.  I used to work out like crazy.  I would take kick boxing, which I found to be extremely therapeutic in healing.  I would take belly dancing to feel sexy.  I would look good and feel good from the natural endorphins.  It also gave me motivation and confidence.  I also would get an overhaul and get my hair done, buy some new outfits and basically make myself over.  Then I would book a trip with my girlfriends and go on vacation.  I would also call up some old friends and go to dinner or go out.  I made sure I kept myself distracted all the time.  At some point you find yourself in a much better place.  Seven years is a long time and it will take some time to grieve the loss of this relationship, but don't fret, it will happen.  Just give yourself some time, one month is not really that long.  Good luck.

[specialmom]

Break ups can be so hard even when they are the best thing for us.  (and this was the best thing for you-------  in my opinion).  I think keeping as busy as possible helps a little bit.  What do you like to do?  Any and all hobbies--------- start pursuing them.  Add some exercise in as that releases a chemical in the brain which is our body's natural happy pill.  Get together with friends and family.  Plan a trip for yourself.  Take a class.  Treat yourself with kindness.  This is you time and it is important to take it.  It will also distract you from the part of yourself that is forgetting how badly this man treated you.  good luck and peace and happiness to you soon.