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Avatar universal

bun in the oven

I am turning 21 and have a baby on the way
this is no laghing matter let me tell you

abortion is out of the question..and i dont have a problem with that...the problem is money
she has no income..currently schooling..im currently in university..awaiting my time to study abroad coming this summer

im leaving for europe to persue an athletic dream (about 2 months before shes due.
heres the problem ..she wants me to give up something i've worked for my whole life..knowing its going to be extremtly tough on her alone.

at the same time i feel guilty thus debating a change in plans.
our relationship is heading down dramaticly spirtually..and if you did the math...you know we are not sexually active.
.shes developing a passionate Hate towards me..assuming im never gonna return

its coome down to if i leave ...were finished...and i dont want this..thus torn between the life with her here...or a career iv'e dreamed about for decades.

my question----what would you do.?

28 Responses
Avatar universal
Your priority is with your child (I am assuming it is yours?). Honor your commitments and the rest will fall into place, even if it takes longer to do so. Once you make a baby, everything changes...she can't walk away from this either. Don't see it as messing up your life--see it as an opportunity for growth and maturity. Sometimes our goals have to shift and change due to circumstances--even a sports injury can finish a career very quickly. Go to plan B now and you never know, plan A still may work out in the end, but at least you have done the honorable thing. You will be rewarded for that in life.
167 tn?1374177417
You know that s e x can lead to pregnancy...that being said, if your plans were as important as you state they are, you could have prevented that and you didn't. Now you have a child and it's no longer "ME" it's "WE". This baby and the mother of your child should now be your #1 priority. Priorities change. You have obstacles and you can overcome them. Make a new plan that includes all of you. Be there for her and your unborn child. That is the right thing to do.
145992 tn?1341348674
I agree 100% with the above posters.  Although it may seem harsh, you two decided to have unprotected sex and took the chance of conceiving a child.  Now that it has happened you want to just abandone your child and the mother for your own career.  She can't think only of herself now and I'm sure her plans have changed due to the pregnancy.  Just because the baby is coming does not mean that your life is over.  Yes, it causes a strain and yes it is difficult but you need to work around this challenge now.  You need to figure out what would be best for all of you now not just what's easy and convenient for you.  There are other ways of making your career work, you just have to come up with some new ideas.  Remember it's not this child's fault so don't become resentful to the baby or the mother.  You were equally responsible for this child and to place blame because your career paths may not be what you bargained for is not fair.  
13167 tn?1327197724
What are all your options here?  

Are you talking about one summer,  and that's it,  and then you'd be back?  Or are you talking about studying this summer,  then staying for years apart?

Does she have an option to come with you if you are going to be gone for years?

It seems like there's a lot of flexibility here,  it doesn't have to be all one way or all the other.

The other obvious choice is considering adoption,   but it doesn't sound like she'd be open to that.

How open is she to other types of compromise,  in the short term?
Avatar universal

I agree with the posters above. Your priority should be your girlfriend and your baby.

177641 tn?1189759437
Unfortunately I have to agree with the previous posters, as much as you might not want to hear it. This is the reality of having a child (not to mention unprotected sex). Life isn't a cut and dry plan, either, so don't think that your life will be over because of this.

If you run from this, it will haunt you for the rest of your life. If you give up your career ambition, it will hurt. Either way it's going to hurt, but decide, be anry and get over it. You will have a child to raise either way, and you need to start thinking about that. I'm inclined towards the child (obviously), as this athletic opportunity won't walk up to your in 20 years and call you an ******* for abandoning them and their mother. That's dramatic, I know, but it certainly does happen.

If you feel like your girlfriend hates you, it's because she's terrified that you're going to leave her to deal with this alone. It's hard NOT to feel angry in that situation. If your relationship is suffering it's because of the STRESS. It's called bad circumstances, and any two people in your situation would be led to believe that everything is wrong about them. The reality is if this accident has not happened you two would probably still be happy puttering along your pre-conceived path in life. Don't give up on your relationship.
Avatar universal

Do you really want to miss the birth of your baby ?
Avatar universal
obviously i dont want to miss the birth...

im going to assumm that ya'll are mothers who literally live for their children.
what about a perspective from a dude.

Avatar universal

Your assumption isn't correct. I don't have children.
Avatar universal

Can your girlfriend go with you to Europe after the baby is born ?
Avatar universal
yea but see my family is ghetto

im their ticket out of this less then fortunate life they have liver for years

they are decent hard working people...that always tell me she has her family plus mine for support..for one year only...
she knows all of this
she wants to be the number one prioroty and mayb she is

but my family has been hoping this would come through for years
and no if i dont go i wont graduate period...theres new way -ive looked at every option
i would hafta work a **** job untill i could save up money to pay for school all over again...

Avatar universal
giving up a kid for adoption..are you kiddin me? thats out of question

we are not drug atticts..thats so wrong
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