can u see?

[Cyndy27]

OK, here it goes....I am a 27yr old mother of two, divorced, I found a wonderful man...I mean that, he takes care of me in everyway BUT one, sex....I am a very sexual person and at first he seemed to be the same, as time went by I came to realize he is not, he is just fine with sex once a week, I am not, I need it way more than that, I try to discuss and he turns it into an agrument even when I am trying not to......If I ask he will say  "i was thinking tomorrow" and yes he says that every time....I have to schedule sex everyweek once a week usually on sunday, I love him a lot but there are too many issues with our sex life, this is just the beginning of it....It there something that I am not aware of here that anyone else can see????  I am thinking this dream of a happy life together never invovled sex and that a big side of me---- Thanks

[becks715]

John has made some great suggestions.

I would just like to add that sexual desire etc wavers throughout a relationship.  How long have you two been together?

At the same time, if trying and talking about it isn't helping, if you try some of the things that John has suggested and nothing changes you have to make some tough decisions.

Our sexuality and chemistry with our partner is a very imporant part to an intimate relationship.  Don't discount that because if you do as the years pass resentment will eventually set in.

Is he open to couples therapy?  That could help, put you two in a neutral setting to discuss what the issue is.  I would keep working at it but he has to be open to your feelings and what you are saying - arguing the matter sounds like a defense mechanism  - maybe he has issues going on that you are unaware of?  work problems?  or maybe his drive has dimished... maybe there is even a physical explanation you never know.  Keep at it, keep talking about it even if he gets angry, keep your cool and trying to explain your point.  And never discuss it at a time like after you've tried to initiate and he has dismissed it, pick a neutral territory and time to hopefully get better results from him.

Good luck :)

[john3200]

wow umm i don't know if i can help, but i'd hate to see you not get a response, so i'll throw you a bone. jk. i would suggest going to booksamillion or any bookstore-i'm sure you'll be able to find something on spicing up your sex life or getting your man excited -about what should be a very special and spontanious experience for the two of you. discuss each others sexual fantasies(without laughing at his!) when the kids are out, have sex in different areas of the house. keep it fun and exciting and he should get in to it(unless hes a robot) you could get magazines, you know the ones that say "how to make your man happy" try not to do the same thing in bed, maybe u can get a kama sutra book that u guys can look at together and try out the different positions. if hes too tired all the time, get him to start walking with you. which will have many benifits including time away from the kids/boost of stamina/and you two may start to find each other more physically attractive. there's a book called "make every man want you" by marie something. i think thats what its called. i heard her in a interview once and she had very good grasp on the male psyche . actually if he found that he might get angry, know what i mean? i was going to suggest marriage Counseling
if that failed, but i don't know how he would feel about that. i know you have tried discussing this with him, to no prevail. umm maybe if you begin the conversation by saying, "i don't want this to turn into an argument, okay?" -don't speak down to him in any way in which he feels the need to be defensive.

men are very "visually" driven creatures. start wearing some very sexy lingerie to bed..and don't ask for sex, don't imply you want it, don't even look at him. unless he's an alien, this should cause serious attraction... and keep in mind attraction isn't a choice. learn about the physicology behind it and you will be better able to sway his outlook towards sex. (isn't that what it all comes down to, Physicology). good luck!