Trying again for an update. How did this work out or is it still working out . . . let us know. We're on your side.
Well . . . I'm dying to know how the vacation went and how things turned out! Come back and update us!!
Well there is alot to unpack here and I will try to give it more than just one perspective. She places her faith as the reason not to fornicate before the marriage, however she lost her virginity therefore the chastity value of her faith is already lost to her. Which makes her somewhat a hypocrite. If she wants the asexual relationship she should have said so upfront and not cue you in until you are head over heels for her - and then say "No sex before marriage!". In some ways this feels as if she tries to manipulate you into marrying her. You are NOT a part of her religion and even though you need to show respect for her faith, you don't need to abide by the same rules. That being said YOU yourself have options. I see that everyone here tries to be purist and such, but if sex is important for you in a relationship, as it should be, you have the freedom to end that relationship and find someone who you are more compatible with, who wants the same things as you and whose religious beliefs won't be just an obstacle towards being content. You should also known that catholics are rigid in more areas than this in their life, and they will probably expect you to comply with this lifestyle, raise your children as catholics and possibly even convert in the future. If you are unable or unwilling to bind to this kind of future... End that relationship.
Wow, you are sure a thoughtful person and gave a really clear post on exactly what is going on. I am not catholic and married a catholic man. I will tell you that working out religious differences is important if the relationship goes to the next level. When you are new to it and young, sometimes it's hard to think about that. Religion for someone brought up with it can be a deal breaker. The Catholic faith is pretty regimented. My husband hasn't missed but a handful of Sunday masses in the 20 plus years I've been with him. On vacation, he finds a church to attend. Because he was brought up this way. When we talked about getting married, he made it clear that he wanted our kids to be raised Catholic. I was of a different but not too far off faith so agreed. Our kids are both baptized and participated in youth catholic school and confirmed. I wanted to be the same as my family so went through the process to become Catholic myself. But the thing is, I am religious so this was not a huge stretch and I wanted to be of the same religion as my kids (and husband). :>)) Now, we go to two churches and one is Catholic and one is not. We kind of alternate. Works for us.
And that's the thing. This will not be the first difference you encounter if she is religious and you are not. While it CAN work, it often doesn't because that is a compatibility thing. And it's about the WHOLE family. Her family is Catholic. This comes into play at holidays, weddings, etc. There will be expectations and it is so much easier if all get along and agree. You can certainly just 'go' and they will accept that, I'm sure. But then you have kids. Will it be a battle over how to raise them? It really often is if there is not agreement and a common ground sought beforehand.
Whew, you are 19 and are like "whaaattttt?". But was projecting a few years down the road for you. I think all you can do if she is saying she has mixed feelings about premarital sex is give her space. You don't want her to resent you. And if giving it up isn't worth it, the it's time to separate. And it's also worth saying, sometimes-- hopefully not, but it could be used as an excuse. This happened to a friend of mine. The man wanted to break up with her and by becoming 'very catholic' all of a sudden, he was able to without guilt.
The best way to work through this will be communication. You communicate your needs and feelings, she does the same.
Let us know how your trip goes!
I am not religious, so my answer isn't coming from a faith-based point of view.
If your partner says they want to stop having sex, that's it - sex stops. It doesn't matter why - it just stops. There is no negotiation.
Yes, you may miss it, and I'm sure she will, too. There is no compromise here, though, no happy medium resolution you can both be happy with. If your partner doesn't want sex, you don't have it.
If she said she didn't want sex because of any other reason than religion, would you stop? Would you try to negotiate this? Probably not.
There are other ways to have intimacy in your relationship. Sexual intimacy is awesome, no doubt, but there are other types of intimacy that are equally as important, and if you don't have those, sexual intimacy doesn't even matter.
If this is someone you plan on spending the rest of your life with, her faith will likely always be a big part of your life. It's important that you figure out if you can respect that. Keep in mind that your response to this is also going to get her thinking if she can spend the rest of her life with you.
I'm sure you didn't mean to sound like that guy who hears a "no" to sex, and thinks, "great, now the negotiation starts", but you do sort of sound that way. I really hope that's not how you meant this. You do sound like you love her, but you have to respect her, too, and that means respecting her boundaries.
That may mean she isn't the one for you, which is okay. That's what dating is for - to figure these things out. If she isn't, though, let her go gently. This is not a flaw. It's just an important area where you don't match.
It sounds like you don't see her religious objections as being as important as your thwarted desire. Too bad you don't feel intimacy with your girlfriend from connectedness in other ways, not just the sex act. (She's obviously trying to, in order to live up to the rules of her faith.) But if you don't feel impressed by her trying to follow her religion, you don't. Probably best to find a girlfriend without a religion that puts these kinds of rules on its faithful.
To add to this. We are leaving for a one week long trip tomorrow out of cell range. We both think this will been a nice way to properly connect without all the day to day distractions. I am hoping to have a resolution we are both happy with.