Avatar universal

could i be asexual? whats wrong with me?

This may be really weird, but here it goes i'm 19 and i always thought guys were cute, hot and all of that but when it comes to being with them sexual im not interested. I can never get turned on no mattter what. I was with a guy for a year and for a while i thought it was just him i thought maybe i really wasn't into him as much as i thought. That guy and i arn't toghter anymore, im now with a different guy we been dating a little while now and we recently took it to the next level but again i can't get turned on. I know im into him. I think he's very attractive and very nice guy. Now i am a virgin i never got to the sex part yet but when a guy kisses my neck and fingers me and all of that it really doesn't do anything for me. I don't even know how it feels to be turned on, i never gotten wet or had an organism i got no idea how that feels and im 19. Whats wrong with me? I never even ever had interested in masturbating before and never have. I know im not a lesbian i don't like females in that way.  I think about sex a lot but when i get close to that chance i can't do it. Also when i am intimate with a guy with fingering  that burns me a lot. I don't know if its because im a virgin or what.  I did a little research and what i did find is that i could be asexual and thats very rare only 1% of people have it in the world. It's where you're not interested in men or women sexually. Anything have more information on that? I really hate myself for this i feel like its effecting my relationship he gets mad and fustrated and then i do to and i always wonder whats wrong with me. I'm not on anything medicine i got nothing wrong with me that im aware of and i don't have anything bad in my past or anything. What do you think?
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Avatar universal
Hi there Taylor!

Thank you so much for your post.
I am going to go completely contraditory to the previous posters and tell you that what your experiences sound 100% asexual to me.

How do I know this? Because I identify as asexual and discovered who I was by experiences very similar to yours!

A little background: I also have always thought the opposite sex (boys) to be very cute and whatnot. If fact, I would even say I've fallen in love a couple of times. However, I got frustrated often. When the gentlemen I liked wanted to makeout/touch/have sex whatever, I always felt very unnatural and got no pleasure out of those acts of "love". It sounds like maybe you have experienced this too. It can be SO incredibly frustrating!! It is like you are very emotionally attached to this guy on a romantic level, but feel absolutely no desire to express that attachment through physical intimacy, right?.

As an asexual woman, I am here to tell you that in my mind you are 100% normal. Please take my word for it. While it is true there are not many of us at all, WE DO EXIST! I am living proof of it. Understand that most people are not going to understand you and think that you are: a lesbian/fearful of intimacy/were abused as a kid etc...I have heard them all and simply none are true. You know what though? The more time that passes and the more you explore asexuality and discover that it is indeed an expression of who you are, the more those close to you will accept it. My own Mom is my advocate now, but for years she didn't believe me. Have faith because the more truthful you are to yourself, the brighter your inner confidence is going to shine!!

Now, here is a little background on asexuality itself: Asexuals are just like everyone else except that we don't experience sexual attraction TO ANOTHER PERSON. In other words we don't think "I wanna tap that". Rather, when we do like someone, it is in more like, "I like this person so much I want to be with them all the time and share my life with them...not my body". Some individuals identify as aromantic, meaning they do not want or seek out romantic relationships. Others consider themselves romantic and seek out partnerships in a way that suits them best. For as much variation that exists in the sexual world, just as much exists in the asexual world.

My definition is very basic, but if you would like more information, I recommend you visist AVEN. That is an excellent online resource for people questioning if they might be asexual. It is a great community and I am a member myself.

In the meantime, please try not to worry about what society says. It is hard and like anything other than the norm, there will be people who criticize you. But don't let this get to you because there are great communities out there and individuals like myself who are more than happy to help you every step of the way! All of us asexuals have been there!!

I hope this has been helpful for you, Taylor. If you would like to know anything else about my experiences or how to contact asexual groups, let me know! Write me a message anytime.

Take care and God's blessings :)
Helpful - 1
Avatar universal
I would wager a guess that most people around your age are not having sex for the first time because they are turned on.  It is more of a popular thing to do to get a guy, at least it seems that way. I too believe nothing is wrong with you. Do not push yourself, do not feel like something is wrong with you either.  When the right person comes along, with the right animal chemistry with yours, your problem will solve itself.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Double ditto with vmvnpv...although you are 19, lovemaking should happen naturally and you might not be ready mentally yet and that's ok!.  Never feel pressured to do anything you not only want or are just not ready....don't worry, it will happen at the right time. Judy
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646779 tn?1281996041
If you have never had sex, then you cannot determine you are asexual. Fingering has NEVER been of interest to me, it would not/ does not turn me on.... I am not surprised you aren't fussed about it. Making love to my partner (sex) is a different story. There is no comparison to fingering and sex. I also was not turned on by my ex that much. So I agree with 'vmvnpv', that you have to have the right partner too - someone you really connect to mentally and subsequently physically.
And like Judy said, sex does take practice and exploration, and you will find what suits you and what you like in time.
But you are still a virgin so you are yet to discover if you do or do not like sex. I cannot orgasm without the penetration of my partner (not talking about his finger here, lol !!!) so you too may orgasm when you start to have sex.
Don't worry so much about it.
Helpful - 0
372900 tn?1315512302
Ditto what Judy said.  It could also be that you haven't met that someone that turns you on.  When it comes to lovemaking a lot of it is mental.  You have to have that connection with your partner.  It also can be that you're not ready for having sex (mentally) so your body isn't (physically) getting turned on.  You're still young so I wouldn't worry about it.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
although it is totally fine to still like guys after trying,
do not be scared to admit if you honestly do not like them!
Helpful - 0
303824 tn?1294871401
I could not agree more with the other posters. I don't think is anything wrong with you either. I do NOT like fingering, it does absolutely nothing for me and I get grossed out because all I can think about is bacteria...LOL! Anyway, sex with my husband is amazing, so my advice is don't knock it til you try it! Also, if you are not ready for sex, don't do it. I commend you on still being a virgin and saving yourself. Not too many young girls out there these days that can say the same thing. I think when you find the right guy, all these feelings will go away and you will see you are perfectly normal.

I wish you all the best!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Taylor,  I personally think that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You have never experienced love making "sex" and it takes practice and exploration to get to know your body, needs, his body, needs and what you like and what you don't like. Practice makes perfect, so don't be to hard on yourself....there is nothing wrong with you and once you begin experiencing lovemaking, you and your partner will explore what will be pleasurable. Judy
Helpful - 0
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