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Avatar universal

dissapointed and hurt

In my first trimester I found my husband had been looking at porn on his phone. This usually doesn't bother me at all. We watched together a few times but I was in bed when he did this time. I was hurt and crying he said sorry I didn't want to wake you so I just did that instead. Then in my second trimester feeling ugly and huge I saw it in his history again. This time I lost it. A mistake happens once the second time it becomes a choice. He held me and apologized and cried himself. Well now in my third he was googling something he wanted to show me and it was in his history again. I'm beyond angry or hurt how could he not care about something I feel so strongly about? I didn't say anything. What's left to say? He knows he hurt me yet chooses to do so anyway. Anyone with words of wisdom of how I can repair my heart after he has done this repeatedly. I feel like I will never look at him the same again.
37 Responses
4235497 tn?1356986072
Sorry to hear that. I don't have an answer hun but I feel strongly about that also. I would probably blow up. I hope you can both get through this. Sorry I couldn't be of much help.
Avatar universal
I just don't know what to say anymore. I have expressed how I felt twice. My feelings obviously don't matter to him so why bother breeching the subject with him again?
3763041 tn?1354909851
letting it go wont solve your hurt, my suggestion, tell him you saw it again and you are hurt..
Avatar universal
Baby 2. Why bother though? So he will say sorry again but nothing will change? I'm thinking about putting a lock in his phone. It's my account so I can
2195822 tn?1341060511
I personally hate porn and don't agree with it. My partner hurt me multiple times, over and over, promising he'd never do it again, then doing it again. It's rediculous. It makes you feel like **** doesn't it. I ended up just putting up with it (shouldn't have ) by breaking your trust he is disrespecting you, like mine did. When I look back I don't know why I stuck by him through it as he really damaged my confidence. In a away I wish I would've left the first time before he did more damage.. but we have a little girl together, and due a little boy now. And as far as I know he hasn't looked at it in a long time.. but then again he could just become smarter at hiding it :(
4045844 tn?1356312527
I've had this same issue multiple times with my husband. Every time he says sorry and every time its the same crap. I didn't want to wake you or bother you. He finally admitted he had a problem and he has stopped for the most part. He removed all the pics from his phone and I haven't walked in on him in a long time but it still hurts and has been very upsetting for me. I have found at least for my husband he doesn't feel there's as much wrong with it as I do. I have to look at it as I'd rather have a picture and his hand giving him what he wants than another girl. You need to have a talk with him and try really hard to not get upset. If its that serious for you he needs to know and there needs to be a solution.
2195822 tn?1341060511
I agree, some women agree with porn and don't get bothered and that's great. But that's them. If like me it makes you insecure, and he doesn't respect it then HE is in the wrong. Porn wasn't around forever so I don't agree with, "thats just men" crap. Every man can chose to come to you rather than porn. Hon don't mean to sound negative but my bf did it over and over, i bet he still does it.. just hides it better.. And i can say its realy damaged my self esteem and confidence.. x
Avatar universal
Haha I know who would be getting there a*s kicked out the door if I ever found that on my bf's phone. I dont no really what to say I mean u approached him twice and he didnt listen so y would he this time! Not meaning to be harsh just realistic! Me and my bf never done that but each relationship different,  I was always under the impression if u love someone u dont fancy other people!
3930380 tn?1357890713
I know exactly how u feel I found out after my first daughter my hubby started looking at that cuz we didn't have sex as much. Everytime I found out I ask him about it and he would always lie about it tho and I guess I didn't want 2 believe it so I didn't after 3 years I kept finding it in his phone again and I snapped we got in this huge fight and I told him I felt betrade and like I wasn't good enough foor him and he promised he'd never do it again then about a month later I found some again and was even more mad cuz he had said he wasn't gonna again. Long story short its been months now but I don't think he's done it anymore but there's still times I think about it and it still bothers me. it does get better tho so just give it time
Avatar universal
There is men out there who dont do it! :-) lol if thats any consultation,  I mean theres plenty more fish in the sea!
Avatar universal
I sent you a PM
I do believe it can start out innocent, but can be habit forming and lead to more things. At some point it isn't enough.
Child lock the computer, do what you have to to the phone, dumb it down- get one with no internet etc. But blowing up and getting crazy doesn't do anyone any good. Being hurt and feeling disrespected is a horrible thing.
Sadly this is a commen issue. :(
If you set boundaries, make sure you stick to them, or it shows we don't back what we say.
Sorry so many are dealing with this.
Stay strong for lil bebe!
4045844 tn?1356312527
It's tough and I'm sure it feels that way but nothing can improve if you don't tell him that is where you are with it. Men are selfish. Not all but this particular topic just does not seem to phase some guys. They don't think its wrong so its not. Doesn't matter how it makes us feel. Hang in there for you and your babies. The silent treatment works wonders if you care to try ;)
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